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Another thing you might try is to insist (convince, very gently - whatever works) that she accompany you and your son to the local gun range, not as a participant, but as a witness to your son's ability to handle a handgun/rifle/shotgun safely. In fact, has she ever seen you shoot? Evidence that both parties are handling the firearms safely may help relieve her of some of her anxiety. The guilt she's feeling over her previous husband's death is best dealt with professionally.