I personally would much rather teach someone about gun safety and proper safety techniques who is totally or semi-unfamiliar with firearms than someone who has been around them their whole life but never had formal training. Breaking someones bad habits and then teaching them the correct way is harder than showing someone the proper way from scratch.
As for being overwhelmed/scared, the whole secret to teaching is to make sure they are comfortable with the portion of the lesson before moving on. Too often instructors have to try and push students to progress at the rate the rest of the class is going. This can be detrimental to the one or two students who are struggling to be at ease with the firearm as they never get past their fear or lack of understanding and end up even more frustrated with the situation. This leads to one of two things; either they give up and just quit trying or they decide to just go ahead and teach themselves, in which they potentially develop bad and possibly unsafe habits.
The key is to work with these folks more one-on-one and not push them. If that means they need more class time or special range time, then we will try our best to accommodate their needs.
We had a lady in one of the classes who was VERY nervous about a firearm. This was due to the fact her brother had accidentally killed himself with his fathers service pistol (father was a LEO) about 25 years ago. Her present husband had decided they needed a pistol in the home for self protection, but she was not so much afraid of handling the pistol as she was that it would be found by one of her grandchildren or accidentally discharge and hurt someone.
I worked with her and another student at the range when we started shooting. Luckily the 2nd lady was very at ease and shooting safely, so I could focus my attention on the one lady. I showed her that with a revolver, there was no way it would 'just go off by itself'. We looked at the mechanism unloaded and loaded and showed her how it all worked. Once she understood that we started shooting with a .22 pistol and let her get comfortable with the gun and let her learn that that SHE was in control of when it fired and when it didn't. Once she was comfortable with that fact, we moved to the family gun she had brought and she got comfortable shooting it.
At that point I told her 'You now control this gun, it doesn't control you. And, if you will always be in control of where the gun is and keep it safe, there is no way your grandkids can control it. That means if they are coming over it MUST be secured in a safe place such as your handgun vault. If your husband feels it needs to be out at night while you sleep, then you have to make sure that no one but you or him can get access to the handgun. If the grandkids are over for the night, and they have the potential to get to the gun while you sleep (like in a nightstand drawer), then that means you either leave it locked up and you can't get to it quickly or you find a safe that provides you, and only you or your husband, quick access while keeping it secures from little hands.'
Anyway, after we went over this a couple of times she was much more comfortable with the gun being in the house. I told her to make sure the husband ALWAYS secured the gun and that she was the verification. After that she advised while still a little nervous, that she was MUCH more at ease with having the gun around the house as SHE was in control.
So, long story short, everyone learns at different paces and need different methods to help get them comfortable. Is everyone trainable? No. Some folks just never get it. But those that are willing to listen, learn and accept are much easier to get past the hurdle than those that will not listen. And while it may take more time for some, a good instructor will work with them to get them to that point.
One last word. Very few wives can be taught by their husbands and vice-versa. Find an independent instructor, and if possible, even got together. I don't care who you are, you never stop learning, so even if the spouse thinks they are proficient with handguns, a good instructor and even the other students in class will teach you something new. As an instructor I learn something new every time I help someone with a firearm.
