The safety of our employees being very important to the company, show the HR director a valid Texas CHL (or concealed weapon license from another state honored by Texas) and receive an automatic, one-time $240 bonus, which should cover the cost of your CHL class and fee.
Oh, if I were king for a day . . .
Or at least:
A well armed workforce being conducive to the security of this company, the right of employees to keep and bear arms shal not be infringed.
Has a familiar ring to it, doesn't it?
And with signs at the entrances like the one at that bank in . . . someone help me . . . Chappell Hill?
EDIT: I found it.