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Excaliber wrote:

WildBill wrote:

Excaliber wrote:In 2011 We'll have both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.

As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, 'I bet you don't know what day this is?'

'Of course I do,' he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o'clock, the doorbell rang. The wife answered, and at her front door was a UPS driver holding a box, containing a dozen red roses.

Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door. This time the driver had a box of Belgian chocolates.

Later that evening the husband came home, tired after a hard day's work. His wife greeted him by saying: 'First the flowers, then the chocolates, I've never had such a wonderful Groundhog Day!'

Better safe than sorry!

My anniversary is on Groundhog Day. I guess I'll have to take the wife out for supper, as long as they don't have a TV!!

Smallestbodyman wrote:

WildBill wrote:What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!

What's black and white and red all over?

A zebra covered in blood.

What's black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a bloody nose...

My Grandfather was Norwegian, so he always told Norwegian jokes:

The Norwegian fisherman came in with boatload of fish and was met by the game warden. The game warden asked how he caught so many fish. The Norwegian said "meet me at 5:00am tomorrow and I'll show you.

The game warden met the Norwegian at the boat ramp at 5:00am. They loaded up and headed out on the lake.

When the Norwegian got to his spot, he stopped the boat. The Norwegian calmly opened his tackle box, took out a stick of dynamite, lit it and threw it in the water; then began scooping up fish. The game warden's mouth fell open and said "Don't know how illegal that is!! You can't catch fish like that!!"

The Norwegian reached into his tackle box, took out a another stick of dynamite, lit it and handed it to the game warden and said "Are you gonna talk or are you gonna fish?"

Warhammer wrote:Two cannibals were eating a clown when one asked the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

I was going to post that one! But I found another:

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.