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My first vote is for .45 ACP. Something about "like looking down the wrong end of a drain barrel..." A 1911 Government is quite concealable, with the proper holster (for most people, at least), and a 1911 Officer just disappears until you want it.

My second vote is for 9mm, with quality defensive ammo (Golden Saber, Gold Dot, Hydrashok, XTP, etc) for carry and WWB FMJ for practice. It's a lot cheaper than .40, and more controllable.

I frankly have little use for .40 S&W, although it is an excellent cartridge. It just has no allure for me.