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I've never owned one of them newfangled portable tellyphones, I tried one once but it didn't work because I didn't click send or call or greenlight or whatever, guess I'll hafta get one now. I don't want to call people on it, and certainly don't want anyone callin' me on it, just have it for 911 calls only, looks like that should be a cheaper rate. I need a waterproof one is all I know. Hopefully one that floats.

Next you guys will have me signing up for Facepages