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Blonde: Hey, What does 'IDK' mean?
Brunette: I don't know.
Blonde: Oh my god NOBODY KNOWS!

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Q: 17 blondes stand out side a workout room, why don't they go in?
A: The sign says must be 18 to enter.

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”. .
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The old man replies, “My wife.”

A young engineer who graduated with distinction, was leaving the office at 3.45 p.m. when he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

My Doctor

Let me tell you about my doctor.
He's very good!
If you tell him you want a second opinion,
He'll go out and come in again.
~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,
So, the doctor gave him another six months.
~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."
The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
"Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
~
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."
The doctor asked, "When did it start?"
The man replied, "When did what start?"
~
I remember one time I told my doctor I
Had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."
~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these -
If they don't work, give me a ring."
~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
He told me to stop going to those places.
~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."