I spend an inordinate amount of time visiting friends in Southwest Oklahoma, the former meth capitol of the world. After the murder of a trooper who stopped to check out a van that turned out to be a rolling drug lab, LE got real serious about it. It isn't fixed, but it has gotten better. I always carry, but I exercise more caution in certain parts of that area than I feel is necessary in downtown Dallas at night. I have just *almost* had to push the car to avoid certain gas stations in certain towns after dark. I won't mention the specific town, but stay out of Comanche unless you have business there.
Anyway, you have to find something to laugh at, or you'll go to tears sometimes... or so says a friend. He's doing P&P in one of the cities out that way. He says that the offenders he supervises are generally not rocket scientists, and most of them would continue to find ways to get themselves into trouble if the illicit drug trade simply evaporated at sunrise tomorrow.
Case in point: He has an offender come in one day who is on about five years of suspended sentence. Take a wild guess why. This offender is kind of a wierdo, which is par for the course in that office. The guy is making his scheduled meetings, but this one day, something seems funny about him. Well, funnier than usual, anyway. It's time to UA the dude.
So, buddy of mine, after careful deliberation (of about 4/5 of a second), selects the TesTstik labeled "MET." (a TesTstik is like a pregnancy test for drugs, and "MET" is Methamphetamine in case anybody doesn't know) He directs the offender to the restroom, hands him the specimen cup, and gives him the standard speech. The offender, acting more nervous than usual, takes the cup, places it on the tank lid of the toilet, and begins the process of supplying the specimen. The offender is quite displeased that my buddy refuses to leave the doorway of the bathroom. Various allegations are leveled regarding the orientation, ancestry, and general character of my friend. He replies that the offender is welcome to perform this test in the presence of the county jailer if he does not wish to do it in his present location. The offender acquiesces.
Now, I don't know if you guys have ever tried to use the toilet while carrying your gun, but it's tricky business to do everything standing up. If you use a stall, it's relatively easy to manage because of the added privacy. If you try it with more public porcelain, you are reasonably likely to expose a good deal more than you intended to because of the added weight on your belt. You may be asking whether the offender was armed. No, he was not. Fortunately.
What he was carrying turned out to be even more fun. I now have it on good authority that if you happen to be carrying two and a half pounds of crystal meth in your pockets and you attempt to use the facilities while standing, particularly under the watchful eye of your PO, it may well happen that you lose control of your waistband. It may also happen that when your laden trousers hit the tile, the bags which formerly contained the aforementioned narcotics split open and spill the two and a half pounds of crystal meth all over the bathroom floor. It may also be that your ordinarily laid back, fun loving PO (he's about as fun loving as a coiled rattlesnake, but that's not important) will become rather annoyed at the prospect of having to sweep up every single tiny bit of your illicit substance, and he may just want to take you to jail right then and there. Who would've thought?
Now, as if this poor officer friend of mine hadn't dealt with enough, he had to search the offender's car. And who might have suspected that he would find yet another rolling meth lab sitting right there in the parking lot shared by the courthouse, the police department, and the corrections offices. At least they didn't have to walk far to find the judge. The subsequent search of the offenders home revealed an even more extensive involvement with drugs (more than just meth, as it happens) than was previously known to exist in that particular county. Oh, and the best part: They walked to the offender's house. It was three blocks away.
You folks in Lubbock are in for some real fun before this problem gets solved.