Too many young thugs were using them as blow-gun type weapons. They would rip one end off and blow the wrapper right into their little sister's face causing permanent emotional damage. Besides, we all know that straw wrapper blow guns are just a gateway weapon to more dangerous guns like evil assault nerf guns.USA1 wrote:What's up with straws these days? The wrappers are so tight you can't get the straw out.
Back in my day, straw wrappers were nice and loose. You'd just rip off the top and out came the straw.
...this concludes my rant of the day.
This, of course, could not be tolerated. So Czarbama proposed legislation to end these acts of violence. But the neo-conservative controlled congress would not take up this worthy cause. Bloomberg started another group, URWGALSW (Ultra Rich White Guys Against Loose Straw Wrappers) which put additional pressure on Czarbama to take immediate action despite not have any constitutional means to do so.
So Czarbama was forced to craft an executive order to resolve the issue. Executive Order 8675309 - The Reduction of Straw Violence in Chick-Fil-A went into effect a little over 2 months ago. In it, straw manufactures must maintain a strict straw to wrapper circumference ratio. All existing straws currently on the shelves were ordered destroyed at tax payer expense.
Now this might seem like an expensive fix to some. But when you take into account the reduction of long term cost burdens such as publicly funded psycho-therapy, reduction in criminal populations over then next 30 years, and the elimination of all types of projectile weapon metaphors from society; it's a bargain at any price. In fact, at the SOTU address, he touted this one of his 10 initiatives that will end the federal deficit.
What's soap??
