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I'd go with the 9mm staying at home. The .45 is a little large for some women and the 9 is more manageable. Your wife will probably feel more comfortable controlling a 9mm in a stressful situation. But why do you need nightsights on you home gun? I would get the NS on your carry weapon and get a Surefire for the nightstand. Its much better to blind a relative than to shoot them using pretty green sights while they're sleep-walking through the house. And if it turns out to be a perp, he won't be able to see anything and you can take them down however you see fit, non-lethal or otherwise. Always keep in mind the safety of innocents.