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baldeagle wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote:My options as you put them are:

Cut off all contact from the parents and brother and distance myself from them as long as this continues.

Go to the police and possibly face a gang related hit because of it.

You lost me on this one. How do you think that getting the police involved would lead to a hit? What you've written about the bad guys makes it sound like they might beat someone up, even to the point of death, but a hit is a much different thing.

They've made the following threat They are currently wanting $1500 dollars and say that if it's not paid that they will put a hit out on my brother-in-law. If his parents go to the police then they will come to them.

Also, today the plot thickens. My in-laws have spoken with a person at the prison my brother-in-law was at. He's been transferred but the prison he was in is where the calls are coming from. They know it's from his ex-cell mate. The guy is a member in an Arian gang and is in prison for drugs and theft. The prison has started an internal investigation. They are going to come down on this guy which is going to cause problems. The internal affairs of the prison are wanting to talk to my in-laws. If they tell them all of the payments they have made and they get traced back to all the people they have paid over the time he's been in there it's not going to be good for them.

Here is what I've done tonight. We have unlisted our phone #. We are telling my wife's brother we sold our house and moving to an apt. while we build a new one. This is not odd because we intend to do that anyway but were just not ready yet. He doesn't have to know that though. We are also telling him that he is not to mail us but to send anything for my wife through her parents.

I need to find someone in the DFW area that is highly qualified to come to my house and do a tactical survey and help me plan a defense from each room in my house against multiple attackers. If anyone knows someone I'm open to talking with them. I would prefer someone w/ a vast amount of law enforcement (possibly SWAT) and or military experience as well as experience in training others. Someone that's been in a fire fight would be nice but I know that's asking a lot.

WildBill wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote:Have I done something to offend you? If so, let me be the first to apologize. If I haven't then what gives with the tone of your emails?

No you haven't but apparently I have offended you. I sincerely apologize. I don't want this thread to get locked so I will delete my posts.

No, don't worry. It's really hard to tell from a post someone's tone. Possibly it's me that read into your posts. I'm fine and you are to. I REALLY did value your posts so please leave them.

WildBill wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote:My mother-in-law is a HUGE liberal. My apologies if there are any here. She is the type that feels sorry for the poor prisoners and they can't all be bad type. It really makes me sick to my stomach sometimes but it is what it is and I new this when I married my wife. Thanks...

BTW that is a HUGE insult to your Mother-In-Law. Both "liberals" and "conservatives" can be kind and compassionate towards people. Both can easily fall prey to a manipulating con-artist.

Not to mention she would be happy to be called a liberal. It's not an insult to her. Believes in abortion, womens rights, voted for Obama. She loves the idea of healthcare for all. And I do agree all can be compassionate never said they couldn't. She and I disagree with ALOT but I still care about her as a person and see her good qualities also.

That's all I'm saying about politics. This thread was not about that.

WildBill wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote:My mother-in-law is a HUGE liberal. My apologies if there are any here. She is the type that feels sorry for the poor prisoners and they can't all be bad type. It really makes me sick to my stomach sometimes but it is what it is and I new this when I married my wife. Thanks...

BTW that is a HUGE insult to your Mother-In-Law. Both "liberals" and "conservatives" can be kind and compassionate towards people. Both can easily fall prey to a manipulating con-artist.

Have I done something to offend you? If so, let me be the first to apologize. If I haven't then what gives with the tone of your emails?

I didn't mean any way other than I rarely see conservatives read (Republicans) standing up for prisoners rights. They mainly assume their all guilty and deserve what they get. In fact she is a member of a prisoner rights organization with hundreds of members and last time I talked w/her 98% of the members were Democrats.

Now, before I get another nasty post from you. I'm not saying Democrats are all liberal or bad people or anything like that. I'm not trying to insult anyone. To each there own. I am MUCH more liberal than my mother and father ever thought about being and I've voted for a democrat in local election a time or two. I also apologized if anyone took offense to what I said it was not intended that way.

WildBill wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote:Bottom line: It looks like you should just do what your wife wants to do and be done with it.

That was uncalled for. I've asked for opinions and with that I am reminded that opinions are like ass holes every body has one.

For the record there is not been one bit of advice here that has been offered that I haven't already thought of including he is extorting his parents. My guess this is what he is doing. Yes, I also do appreciate ALL of the advice even yours even though you are now talking like I"m some weak minded hen pecked individual. Just because I'm not willing to tell my wife that she needs to give up all the family she's ever known doesn't make me less of a man or a husband.

sugar land dave wrote:

sugar land dave wrote:OP is just an asset base that the family will tap into via the daughter. This will eventually result in two decisions, one by the wife, one by the OP. I hope the two decisions will be as one.

pcgizzmo, you, the Original Poster, decided to bring this to the forum knowing that it would elicit replies from some grizzled old veterans of life. You should not have done that if you are unwilling to hear their words. They don't give them lightly.

Your situation is an old story, played out millions of times throughout the history of man. It has a pattern and a limited number of potential paths. You must be a man, or else you will be someone's puppet, with everyone but you pulling your strings and pushing your buttons. You will be the leader of your family, guiding them in your ways, or someone else will take on that role for you, leading your family in their ways.

Life veteran's on here have told you hard truths, earned through many years of living and observing without the benefit of rose-colored glasses. You must decide who you are for the benefit of your immediate family. It is not for anyone on this forum.

Will you sell your soul for this Bad Guy brother? Will you surrender your family's safety to placate your wife's parents? Will your wife trade the safety of the family? Will she choose her family over you? These are the really tough questions you face, and we cannot choose. Only you can, and the only comfort that I can offer you is that millions have gone before you, and no matter the choice and outcome, many will have been down that path before you.

My words are harsh, but you are in a tough situation and soft just won't get it done. It's time to "man up" as they say.

I appreciate the advice as hard it may be. I would even give the same advice but I'm not married to an old fashioned woman and as good and sound is your advice and others may be your still on the outside looking in. My options as you put them are:

Cut off all contact from the parents and brother and distance myself from them as long as this continues.

Go to the police and possibly face a gang related hit because of it.

Continue down the same road with my in-laws paying for his in prison habit out of fear and possibly get killed.

I suspect there are a few more options although possibly ending in one of the above situations. I reserve the right to hear them all and explore them just the same. If I were to suggest we cut my wife's family off I would be w/out a wife and my current problems would be over but I would have the new problem of being w/out someone I love.

Being on the outside it's easy to give such advice and as I said, I would give the same but the reality is my wife is not old fashioned and we make our choices together. If I really put my foot down I'm sure I could man handle her into seeing things my way but that would eventually end up in the divorce situation above especially when pertaining to her parents.

Oldgringo wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote: I almost wrote him a letter and told him that years ago Samurai would fall on their own sword before they would dishonor their family and maybe he should think about doing the same but I decided against it.

Why?

Maybe to get through to him? Maybe in hopes he would take a beating or death then put his family through the mess he is put them through?

Purplehood wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote:

RoyGBiv wrote:Perhaps you should be talking with the local LE folks in your in-laws city...?

There afraid of what might happen to him. He tells them it's all run by prison gangs and if someone tells and they find out it will be bad for him. It's a crazy situation.

I know it sounds harsh, but maybe "bad for him" is the best thing for everyone... including him. I apologize to the forum if that is too harsh.

I agree. I almost wrote him a letter and told him that years ago Samurai would fall on their own sword before they would dishonor their family and maybe he should think about doing the same but I decided against it.

C-dub wrote:Pcgizmo, I was actually wondering what your wife's position was on all this. What is her opinion of her brother? What is her opinion of her parents' actions? I'm also thinking that since your wife's parents are unable to make the tough decision and by asking you for your help or advice they may be wanting you to start making these decision for them and tell them what to do. It is putting you in a tough spot and they could eventually blame you if things get worse for their son. They could be trying to hand you the keys to the family.

Early in my marriage, 20 years this year, I considered my wife an equal. Things have changed over the years and about 5 years ago I realized that even though she earns twice what I do I'm still in charge. We discuss almost everything, but the final decision is always mine. She trusts me and knows that I wouldn't put our family at risk. Our parents are also approaching that stage in their lives when they will begin relying on us more. A long time ago my own father made a decision for the safety of his family and moved my mom, brother, and sister 1,300 miles away from my mom's family and my dad's own mother. The issue had nothing to do with my dad's mom, but it was the sacrifice he had to make for the safety of his wife and kids. It was the best thing he could have done. I'm sure it was a difficult decision, but it needed to be done.

My wife has grown very tired of it and thinks her brother is using her parents. She still loves her brother but is tired of his abuse of her parents.

Her parents have never really asked for advice. They tell us what is happening and we mostly my wife gives it but they never take. My mother-in-law is a HUGE liberal. My apologies if there are any here. She is the type that feels sorry for the poor prisoners and they can't all be bad type. It really makes me sick to my stomach sometimes but it is what it is and I new this when I married my wife. Thanks...

WildBill wrote:

pcgizzmo wrote:Thanks everyone for the replies. I am thankful for the obvious good people here on this board. I have a lot of food for thought.

I realize how dangerous it is for my in-laws and possibly my wife and I. I'm going to talk with her and have her lay down the law to her parents. If she's unwilling to do it then I'm going to take matters into my own hands.

One thing. Do you think it would be better to get the DEA involved? I dont know if the local PD could do alot since it's a private state prison.

My thanks again for the thoughtful and honest posts. I will try and update this in case your interested.

PCGIZZMO - You still don't get it.

What do you mean "possibly you and your wife". If don't break loose of this situation, it IS YOU AND YOUR WIFE who are in danger.

Why does your wife have to been convinced to lay down the law. Isn't there a saying in Texas about "Cowboy Up"? This is from the Urban Dictionary:

Quit your complaining and be a man. When it gets tough start playing hard.

Your question about local PD vs DEA shows that you are still not serious. It's just another attempt for you to avoid taking any real action. Are there federal laws being violated? DEA is a federal agency. If you go to your local PD they will know if it is within their jurisdiction. If they require assistance from a state or federal authority, they will get it. At this point I don't thing you have anything concrete to tell them, so they may not be able to do much. If they have first hand knowledge that laws are being violated it is up to your in-laws to report them, not you.

Your in-laws have not asked for your help. It is their problem, but for some reason you keep wanting to make it your own. I don't know about you, but my life already has enough problems and stress without having me to go look for any more. I can't help but think that you have some need or desire to be a hero and solve everybody's problems.

After re-reading this and my previous posts, I just realized that I am trying to save you.

I hear and think I understand you but if what I hear you saying is you would just have me tell my wife that were not going to have anything else to do with her family and I can't do that. It's a tragedy this is happening at all but it would even be a greater tragedy if I ended up divorcing my wife over this. Yes, I know you are going to say an even bigger tragedy if something is not done and we lose our lives but I still have hope that we can get them to come to their senses. I believe there is still hope and I will go to the police myself if it continues much longer.

I will do all that I can do to separate myself from him. I've told my wife that any letters he writes are not to come to our house but to her parents or a PO Box. He is only to call us through the prison phone system and not a cell phone. I am well armed. We are going to have her parents change their phone # and they have agreed. This should stop the calls. Beyond that I don't know. They have only threatened them and never my wife or I and they've really only threatened to hurt my wife's brother and then his parents only if they call the police.

You words are appreciated even if there direct.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I am thankful for the obvious good people here on this board. I have a lot of food for thought.

I realize how dangerous it is for my in-laws and possibly my wife and I. I'm going to talk with her and have her lay down the law to her parents. If she's unwilling to do it then I'm going to take matters into my own hands.

One thing. Do you think it would be better to get the DEA involved? I dont know if the local PD could do alot since it's a private state prison.

My thanks again for the thoughtful and honest posts. I will try and update this in case your interested.

RoyGBiv wrote:Perhaps you should be talking with the local LE folks in your in-laws city...?

There afraid of what might happen to him. He tells them it's all run by prison gangs and if someone tells and they find out it will be bad for him. It's a crazy situation.

Yes, I agree but I can't even say anything like that to them. There so caught up in the "look at our poor son and what the prison system has done to him" It's all someone elses fault and not his because they think he has an illness. They've convinced themselves he's not to blame but his illness is. I'm not saying that addiction is not an illness but at some point you have to pick yourself up off the floor and make some choices for yourself. I don't pretend to know what it's like but I've seen others that have taken control of their lives so I know he must be able to do it.

I'm not sure where this would fit so mods please move if you feel the need.

My wife's brother is in jail in Oklahoma. He is serving 30 years for manslaughter. He was on drugs and killed a girl and her father while driving. He went in right before I met my wife and she happened to be in law-school at the time. Well, long story short he's still in and still doing drugs. The drugs are easier to get in prison than on the street.

The really bad part is her parents have been paying his drug debts because they are afraid something is going to happen to him if they don't. They have paid thousands and I do mean thousands of dollars over the years to these low life's. It came to a head about a month ago and he's getting transferred out of his current prison but now there is an inmate that's calling my father-in-law and threating him and saying that my wife's brother owed him money and if he doesn't pay he's going to send someone on the outside to hurt him. Someone has already shown up outside my mother-in-laws office (She owns and insurance agency) saying that her son owes them money.

My in-laws tell these people they are not responsible for their sons debts but these low lifes know they've been paying all these years.

They are in a really bad situation. I told them I would change my phone # and get a gun and keep it on and around me 24/7. My father-in-law says he has one and it's loaded but I don't think he keeps it close and he's in such bad health I don't know if he could get to it in time if he needed it. My mother in law is anti-gun so I don't know if she would let him keep it out in the open or not.

It's a mess. I told him to tell the person calling him he was going to put a bounty out on him instead of paying the money but that might be a stupid move.

They are good people. They are just worried about there son. I think he's been playing them all this time and I personally don't want anything to do with him but I can't tell them that because they would disown me as well. They still seem to think he's the one with the drug problem and no one will help him and he has no responsibility for his actions. They are always making excuses for him.

So, any ideas? What would you do? I've got no clue other than anytime I go there I definitely bring my gun. I'm not going to die for their son's mistakes and will be prepared if some low life comes calling uninvited to their home.