I had a dream (mixed feelings)

[Thomas]

I've had my CHL for several months now, but just started carrying the past couple of weeks. Last night I had a dream where I had to shoot someone in self defense, and then I tried to shoot a second bad guy, but my gun jammed. The next thing I remember in my dream was that I was safe in public, crying because I was sad that I killed someone. Even as I think about the dream now, I feel sad. I value human life very highly, but I also value self very highly. There is no question that if I feel adequately threatened, that I would use a gun for self defense. My CHL instructor said that if you ever kill someone in self defense, to see a counselor; and I definitely would if I ever took a life. I just think this was an odd dream, and I don't know why I should post this here other then to see if anyone had any comments or reactions. The only thing that tells me not to post this is because someone will tell me that I'm not mentally ready to carry. My response is, "Is anyone ready to kill another human on a whim? (other than a psycopath)" I just don't want to keep this bottled up. And I would prefer to vent this in a semi-anonymous setting. If anything, I think this means that I am a sane, ideal person to carry: that I'm not just going to whip out my gun and potentially take another life unless absolutely necessary. I guess what I am just looking for are some words of encouragement. Anyway, I am done speaking my mind, and I feel better already, no matter what the outcome of this post.

[BobCat]

I'm not a doctor or fortune teller, have no credentials or any idea what your dream means, but you sure do not sound crazy to me. Sounds like your mind was "trying it on for size" and you felt sad that (in the dream) you had to shoot - which is reasonable enough.

Again, I'm not a mental health expert or any kind of doctor, and have no clue about interpreting dreams. Just glad you posted instead of keeping it bottled up.

Regards,
Andrew

[G26ster]

I think your dream just confirms you are human. I think someone who has no emotion about taking a life is the one who needs help. BTW, using your weapon in self defense is not a whim. It is a very serious decision, and it will probably affect you in some way for life. MHO.

[Lumberjack98]

Great questions Thomas. Thanks for having the courage to post!

I think your thoughts and feelings are rational and shared by several of us on the forum. I believe that if I were in a situation that I had to shoot, there would be emotional ramifications at a later time.

[Thomas]

I appreciate all of your responses.

[Pawpaw]

Thomas, I think you did a wonderful job of putting into words what most of us have thought long and hard about.

Your heart & mind are 100% in the right place.

[RPB]

I think your dream just confirms you are human. I think someone who has no emotion about taking a life is the one who needs help. BTW, using your weapon in self defense is not a whim. It is a very serious decision, and it will probably affect you in some way for life. MHO.

Friend of mine, police officer, twice, had to shoot criminals who made stupid decisions.
Both times, my officer friend's decision was to go home that night to finish raising his two daughters.
He'd prefer criminals didn't make stupid decisions which forced his decisions and affected him, but he would make the same decisions again.

In my class you hear
"Stop, or I'll shoot"
and
"He made me shoot him"

Those two phrases have meaning, usually you move your checker on the checkerboard a certain way because the opponent moved a certain way.. I wouldn't "want" to shoot anyone ever, even non-fatally, I will however if they make me. (Most gun shot wounds aren't fatal, I'd call 911 to get the guy help who made me shoot him to stop him) I WOULD shoot until he stops/is no longer a threat before dialing, otherwise there is still danger to people.

[rbrecount]

Thomas, that was a brave and honest post. IMHO you're paying attention to what you learned in the class. I've dreamt several scenarios where I had to defend myself or family members. Carrying a deadly weapon should bother us all.

[USA1]

Since we're sharing, I'll admit I've had a couple disturbing dreams myself since getting my CHL. I won't go into details but they shook me up pretty good. Kudos to the OP and others for sharing. It let's me know I'm not the only one.

[The Annoyed Man]

Perhaps this is rationalization, but here is how I've made peace in advance with the possibility...

First, I'm not shooting to kill. I'm shooting to stop the threat. That may or may not be deadly to the attacker depending on a number of factors. In fact, gunshot victims have a decent probability of surviving their wounds these days. And in the case of someone I've shot, "victim" is probably stretch.

Secondly, I'm not the one initiating the attack. 100% of the responsibility rests on the shoulders of the attacker - regardless of the outcome. I'm only doing what I have to do to survive. No more, and no less.

Now, I'm not so cold-blooded as to think that it wouldn't bother me in the least if I shot and killed an attacker. I think I would probably find the whole experience to be fairly distressing. But from a morality standpoint, I would be OK with it once a little time had passed.

[pbwalker]

Perhaps this is rationalization, but here is how I've made peace in advance with the possibility...

First, I'm not shooting to kill. I'm shooting to stop the threat. That may or may not be deadly to the attacker depending on a number of factors. In fact, gunshot victims have a decent probability of surviving their wounds these days. And in the case of someone I've shot, "victim" is probably stretch.

Secondly, I'm not the one initiating the attack. 100% of the responsibility rests on the shoulders of the attacker - regardless of the outcome. I'm only doing what I have to do to survive. No more, and no less.

Now, I'm not so cold-blooded as to think that it wouldn't bother me in the least if I shot and killed an attacker. I think I would probably find the whole experience to be fairly distressing. But from a morality standpoint, I would be OK with it once a little time had passed.

and it's pretty much my thoughts on the situation as well.

In my opinion, if someone is attacking me, or trying to harm my family and I, they are not a human anymore. They are an animal.

As for dreams, I haven't really had any...except for that time I was on Chantix. Talk about weird...

[cbunt1]

I think most of us have had dreams, or at least introspective thought sessions about these things.

I know I have.

I've had a couple that were quite memorable. They would sound silly if I tried to put them into words here, but they all centered around my preparedness...not willingness (I already *know* beyond the shadow of a doubt where my willingness lies...it's been tested in the past....)

I took actions based upon both.

I think the fact that you've had this experience speaks (positively) to both your character and rationalization of reality.

And thank you for sharing. It makes me feel better about the fact that I've had such experiences as well.

As has been stated before, carrying a deadly weapon is not to be taken lightly, and I suspect it's going to have profound effects on all of us.

[Llanero]

Interesting. I was wondering if other CHLers had dreams about their CHLs and handguns. Fortunately I haven't had any dreams about having to shoot someone, but I have been having a recurring dream lately about needing to take a test for my CHL. The dreams can differ in the details but follow the same basic outline.

First I find myself needing to go the university to take a shooting test. When I get there, there is always a large crowd so I realize that I am going to have to wait a long time. While I am waiting I realize that I don't have any ammo. I buy a box of ammo but then I realize that the ammo is of different calibers all mixed up. I have to sort through the box to find enough rounds to load my magazine. Once I get the ammo situation straightened out, it is my turn to shoot. I go to the range but I don't have a target, so I make one by drawing on a piece of notebook paper. Someone at the range tells me that I cannot use that target because it cannot be scored correctly. I don't know what to do about the target but then I notice an appropriate target is in place. Good, problem solved...so I start shooting then I realize that I am shooting at someone else's target and worst still I AM SHOOTING OVER THEIR HEAD AT THE TARGET. YIKES! I feel like a total jerk for being so careless.

Then I wake up.

[RoyGBiv]

Secondly, I'm not the one initiating the attack. 100% of the responsibility rests on the shoulders of the attacker - regardless of the outcome. I'm only doing what I have to do to survive. No more, and no less.

This is the tonic I take on the occasions when the responsibilities of carrying give me pause.

The OP is certainly not alone in his concerns.

[Beiruty]

Yep. I had dreams where I shoot but no rds are fired.That is Failure to fire with no less with an AK. That was when I was young and before I started carrying. The more I go to the range the lless I had dreams and no more dreams of such nature. It is matter of your brain telling you to train more and build more confidence.