I am sorry to say I had my first code Red!

[MadMonkey]

I had a guy get REALLY upset at me when I was parking at a restaurant.. I was late getting to dinner with my mom and her fiance, and saw a pair of spots opposite one another and another car coming from the other way. Well, he got there a moment before I did, and pulled his nose into a parking spot. Since I was driving my Miata (which is tiny and maneuverable), I popped in behind him to the opposite spot and got out. I made it a few feet before he started screaming that I stole his spot. Apparently he was going to back into it

I immediately started back to my car, apologizing, and said I would move out so he could have it. He grumbled and left.

[mbw]

I have been watching this thread yesterday and today. So far only 3 and possibly 4 people look at this in the same way that I do.

The one thing that I missed in your post is your attempt at de-escalation, there was none.

[CC Italian]

Like I said it all happened very very fast. It might have been 25 seconds from when he entered to when he exited. I asked my girlfriend how long she thought it was because you know how time seems to stand still when a situation like this occurs and she thinks that sounds about right. His conversion with the manager was just as long as him yelling at us! I am slowing it down for the story but it was fast!

As for deescalation, every time I started to talk he would yell louder so I couldn't be heard. They could hear him in the bay area like I said! He didn't want me to talk and talking seemed to make his rage worse. Some people just get worse when you try to talk to them. I know we have all met people like this before. This guy wanted to control the situation. Like I said it was not until the manager said something that it snapped him out of it. I am just glad that my girlfriend didn't go alone. It was only the last minute that I decided to go with her to help her pick out her tires. Sure there are things I could have done differently and you never know how you are going to react when something bad happens but in all honesty I think I did pretty well. I was not the aggressor and the only time I raised my voice was to tell him to stop and I was never disrespectful to the man. I am just glad that I was there and he started yelling at me instead of my girlfriend. I don't want to think of what could have happened if I wasn't there to take his attention away from her.

[chuckybrown]

De-escalate? Hmmmm,.......

CC, sounds like you did good by me. You did de-escalate by not responding outside and walking inside the store. While some (in Illinois and Kalifornia) may feel you should have hit your knees outside and begged for forgiveness, you did nothing wrong (at least intentionally) and kept going inside. Then, as he began talking to you, it seems as if you responded normally, then felt the need to start giving commands only after he would not leave your space. So, you ignored him, then you tried to talk, THEN you decided something needed to be done, as you were clearly threatened. If he did react after your command as you say he did, it was probably your response that made him think "oh man, this guy IS going to stand up for himself/is possibly armed", and kept him from striking you or worse.

When I taught, I had an exercise where I gave the student the mock-gun, and stood ten feet or so away. I explained I was the bad guy, and he/she was catching me doing something bad, and ask for them to show me how they would handle it, and for them to yell "bang" when they felt it was their moment to shoot.

90% of the time they would yell "FREEZE!!" as they drew down on me, and assumed an aggressive posture. Depending on the class, I would either draw my own weapon and yell "BANG" myself before they even knew what was coming, or I'd close the gap as if I had a knife and stab them before they shouted "BANG".

I did this to prove a point: in any situation, "escalation" happens exponentially, not in a linear fashion. You've heard the term "from zero to 100", right? Had I been in your situation, I would have put as much distance as I could have between him and me WHILE I gave the command. The shop size and the crowd probably prevented your movement.

Quite frankly, I'm glad you came out of this unscathed. That could have gone from bad to worse in a heartbeat. Ask the baseball player and his wife that were accosted in Pittsburgh this past Thursday.

Good job.

[Ldy AlliDu]

Good Manners, are hard to find these days.

[sawdust]

De-escalate the testosterone

What's the two most difficult words to learn in the English language?

"I'm sorry."

Myself, I have problems remembering them at the proper times.

[rubiconjp]

Now that I am older, I have learned that 1) if a stranger suddenly gets mad at me for some reason, it's probably caused by some of my actions (inadvertently), 2) even ignoring that person can also cause further escalation, 3) acknowledging it, offering to undo, had always succeeded in de-escalating the situation for me, and 4) life is too short and too precious to risk it over a parking spot or lanes on the highway.

Never gotten down on my knees in situation like this. One-time acknowledgement and offer to de-escalate. If that doesn't succeed, time to get on with plan B (code red).

[phoneguy]

DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?!?!?!

"Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns"

[Photoman]

The big lug didn't get a bullet in the gut. I'd say it worked out just fine.

[tacticool]

DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?!?!?!

No. I ordered a Dr Pepper. No Code Red for me.

[v-rog]

Didn't order the Dr. Pepper but I stayed at a Holiday Inn.

[03Lightningrocks]

My hat is off to the OP. As I read the story I could feel my anger towards that big mouth. I am an averaged height guy.. 5'11" and weigh more than the average feller at 250 lbs. The thing about really big fellers like that, is they scare me so much, I know I must use everything I have to take them out fast. Being really big can actually get you killed when maybe a smaller guy would have just taken a butt kicking.

Anyway... you handled it well IMHO. That big mouth is gonna shoot off on the wrong person eventually and get his butt handed to him.

[drjoker]

I'm beginning to wonder if my size will work against me if I'm ever in a situation to have to defend myself in court because I needed to use deadly force.

Yes, it will work against you. Here is a real case of a larger man being beat to DEATH by two teenage girls with NO gun:
http://www.wfaa.com/news/local/Teenage- ... 48609.html

What if the man pulls out a gun and shoot the girls? How will it look to the grand jury if the police never found the sledgehammer (it was ditched by the girls' gang friends)? Hmmm... a large man shoots two "unarmed" barely 100 lbs teen girls to death.... Can you say death row?

I was in a similar incident with a teenage girl. She actually beat me and I let her. It gave me big bruises and welts. I did not shoot her and I did not even use my pepper spray. I asked the store employee to call 911 and they did. This caused her to leave.

Now, if she had produced a blunt weapon like a tire iron, I would've pulled the pepper spray. If she pulled a knife or gun, then and only then I would've pulled gun. I cannot tell you what to do in YOUR situation because every situation is different. All I can say is, keep a cool head and use your head. Lose your cool and you could be cooling off behind bars later.

[clarionite]

I hope I never have to find out