Non Violent Dispute Resolution

[Bitterclinger]

Yes, the Bill and Ted’s suggestion was “tongue-in-cheek”. I just meant to imply that it would be about as helpful and more entertaining. I always forget that that sort of nuance is generally lost in an online forum context. Don’t get me wrong, NVDR is a vital skill that should be taught to everyone.

Perhaps trying to teach it in CHL class seems silly to me because I have not had many problems since I attended four years of NVDR training in the BSofA when I was a kid. Back then, they used to teach guys old-fashioned things like being trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Those skills have gotten me out of a few tight spots, and perhaps prevented countless others.

Also, my religion teaches me that I must not envy, lie, steal, murder, or sleep with anyone that’s not my wife; I'm sure this goes a long way to keeping me out of trouble as well. We are also taught to ignore insults. I find online forums to be a great place to practice ignoring insults because you can always find some “expert” who will question your heritage or mock your username.

Let's see... My dad taught me a lot of simple NVDR techniques in a prolonged course he like to call "Basic Human Decency," and as an adult, I attended three or four years of an obscure Israeli self-defense class that actually teaches advanced avoidance and evasion as a primary component of self-defense.

And finally, If all that weren't enough, twenty years ago I married a Scot; so I've had daily opportunities to hone my NVDR skills ever since; and that's not to mention what I've learned about hostage negotiations... :)

[punkndisorderly]

NVCR as a topic, when taught well, is invaluable. It's also probably the most difficult to teach.

Most instructors are gun guys, not experts in interpersonal communication. Many view it as something to get through because it's required.

For me, it was the hardest of the topics to build my curriculum around. I spent a good amount of time reading on the subject and pulling out what I thought was valuable.

What I think a lot of instructors do is hit the PAC model and communication model because it shows up on the test and totally miss how it applies and how to use it to your advantage. They also limit it to those two subtopics rather than bringing in other related topics.

I like to think my students (and my conversations with them bear it out) that they are getting good information out of that section.

I think the thing is, there are more than a few bad instructors out there. I'm not saying their bad people or don't know their stuff.That's why I became an instructor. I had a couple that at the end of the day "I think I can do a better job".

[knotquiteawake]

So how long have you had your license? And, I will tell you that knowing how to resolve conflict is an important topic for many. If you never have issues with conflict, then you are not the norm.

I don't really understand this. I can't think of any time in the last 5 years (basically since graduating college) where I've had an interaction with a complete stranger that threatened to escalate to violence where I would have needed to use any kind of non-violent dispute resolution. Where do all these disputes happen? I have verbal conflict with my wife on occasion (in which I now know I WAS in fact wrong and she of COURSE was right, right?) and have had disagreements with church members on the church council but thats all been rather civil.
While I'm 6'1" and 174lbs its all rather underpowered and uncoordinated gangly limbs that stand no chance to defend myself in a fight so my main goal in public is to just be easy going. I suppose now that we have a child there are going to be more interactions with strangers (playground fights, complaints about the baby's noise) so maybe I'll have more chances to do non-violent dispute resolution then. I'm just not a fighter. Its hard for me to understand why someone would want to fight me, defies comprehension.

[KaiserB]

With the CHL class fresh on my mind, I have to say the Non Violent Dispute Resolution (NVDR) section was an epic waste of time. I don't know how much latitude the poor instructor has over this, but I felt sorry for the guy at any rate. We were subjected to every pop-psych self-help fad I've ever heard of; everything from the (completely discredited) Elizabeth Kubler Ross stages of grief nonsense to the 1970's "I'm Ok, Your OK" Transactual Analysis. I would think the state would share some of the things it teaches troopers about this, but that's probably just newer hogwash.

IMHO, the best approach would be to avoid the theoretical and just nix the NVDR section altogether, but if they just can't do that, maybe use those two hours to watch "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure." It teaches dispute resolution, advanced planning, teamwork, ethics... and it's really really funny.

Be excellent to each other!

The basic presentation is provided by the state. Unfortunately the content is from a 1964 book and other sources of pop culture psychology. If you were in my class you would remember a very specific funny video involving a giraffe. As I tell students this video is the hi-light of the materials on NVDR.

[thatguy]

I think a road rage incident is something most of us can identify with. I will ask an open question to the class if anyone has flipped someone off or any other gesture meant to incite? That little gesture could easily cause an unstable person to start following them and so on.

NVDR is intended to remind us of the consequences of OUR actions, we are the ones who chose to carry a gun and apply deadly force if needed.

[Bitterclinger]

I LOVED the giraffe video!

Ok, sure. I understand the intent, and even agree that it's important. I just question the premise. I'm sure I would do the same thing if tasked with filling two hours on NVCR. On the other hand, I have serious questions about having a license to do something I already have a (inalienable?) right to do anyway, so there's THAT.

Here's a story about a NVCR technique I invented called "Smile and Wave." As I left my driveway one morning, I noticed a woman at the stop sign in front of me had left her thermos on top of her car. I honked to get her attention and pointed up at the thermos. She turned around and glared at me and "gave me the bird", as they say. I simply smiled and waved. She blew me off and drove away. I put a "Found: Nice Thermos" add in the paper, but when no one responded, I started using it. It's a nice one!

All's well that ends well.

[Dragonfighter]

I'm going out on a limb here and suggest the OP wanted practical how to scenarios vs. psycho babble. I am not a different person since my class than before my class, but that's me.

The OP used "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" as the alternative.

Please. Not very practical.

Maybe this was done tongue-in-cheek.

Personally I prefer "Animal House".

Of course I'm OK and so is the OP!

Anygunanywhere

You can't be more practical about dispute resolution than, "Be excellent to each other."

[anygunanywhere]

I'm going out on a limb here and suggest the OP wanted practical how to scenarios vs. psycho babble. I am not a different person since my class than before my class, but that's me.

The OP used "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" as the alternative.

Please. Not very practical.

Maybe this was done tongue-in-cheek.

Personally I prefer "Animal House".

Of course I'm OK and so is the OP!

Anygunanywhere

You can't be more practical about dispute resolution than, "Be excellent to each other."

How about a food fight?

Anygunanywhere