How do you explain to youre spouse?

MadDawg · #1

Okay, I have a issue. I have a spouse that is not fond of guns at all and would rather I not even own one. What can one do the help explain the benifits, safety and anything else to bring them to ease on the subject of having a CHL. As it is she thinks it's rediculious and totaly unaceptable and dangerous. I had to drop talking about it until I had better positive material to present to her. Anyway, wanted to get feedback on a sensitive issue.

Thanks,

MadDawg

jbirds1210 · #2

Have you guys been able to sit down and talk about this at all? I am sure it is an emotional conversation to have, but a very important one. I know peace in the house is important.

http://www.corneredcat.com

a great website that answers many questions a lady might have about firearms. I especially like the section that takes on ethical and religious issues. I have gone to it on a couple of occasions and like the way it is written. Good luck!
Jason

SW40VE · #3

My wife was against motorcycles, guns, fast cars, pretty much anything that could remotely be dangerous when we first met. Somehow, 10 years later (married 6 years), I have a few guns, a fairly fast car, a dirtbike, and a sportbike. I am slowly working on her now so I can get a shotgun and an assault rifle. Really, it all started with a car that you wouldn't think is fast and I made it fast. The other things, I think I just talked about it enough until she kinda got used to the idea. Heck, now she likes to shoot my XD 9mm and the little 25 cal toy gun I have. She even went to the last gun show with me. People can change.....

wo5m · #4

SW40VE wrote:My wife was against motorcycles, guns, fast cars, pretty much anything that could remotely be dangerous when we first met. Somehow, 10 years later (married 6 years), I have a few guns, a fairly fast car, a dirtbike, and a sportbike. I am slowly working on her now so I can get a shotgun and an assault rifle. Really, it all started with a car that you wouldn't think is fast and I made it fast. The other things, I think I just talked about it enough until she kinda got used to the idea. Heck, now she likes to shoot my XD 9mm and the little 25 cal toy gun I have. She even went to the last gun show with me. People can change.....

I always found its funny how having a good life insurance policy can change someoneâ€™s perspective :-)

SW40VE · #5

wo5m wrote:
SW40VE wrote:My wife was against motorcycles, guns, fast cars, pretty much anything that could remotely be dangerous when we first met. Somehow, 10 years later (married 6 years), I have a few guns, a fairly fast car, a dirtbike, and a sportbike. I am slowly working on her now so I can get a shotgun and an assault rifle. Really, it all started with a car that you wouldn't think is fast and I made it fast. The other things, I think I just talked about it enough until she kinda got used to the idea. Heck, now she likes to shoot my XD 9mm and the little 25 cal toy gun I have. She even went to the last gun show with me. People can change.....
I always found its funny how having a good life insurance policy can change someoneâ€™s perspective :-)

Hahhahaha. Good one! No, she has just warmed up to it is all. Unfortunately, my life insurance policy wouldn't get her through more than about a year....hmm....I need to go take a look at that.....

jbirdswife · #6

MadDawg,

Is there any way you could get her to the range with you? When jbirds and I first started dating I had never been around a gun in my life and was scared to death of them. After the promise of dinner and a movie of MY choice, he got me out to the range (despite my headache, stomachache, and every other concievable ailment

). I realized that it was not nearly as terrible as I thought. I was very pleasantly surprised at the safety measures taken at our local city range. As silly as it may sound, I also realized that guns don't just "go off." In the hands of someone responsible, who follows the 4 rules, they can be quite safe. I was an observer during our trips to the range for a long time. I was able to see that jbirds was safe and responsible, which made me much more comfortable with the idea of him having guns. We talked about it a lot! I am sure there were times he got tired of my "what ifs", but patience on his part was the key to finally helping me understand.

Once we decided to get married I realized that I did not want weapons in my house that I did not know how to use; giving a bad guy the opportunity to turn them on me. Since then I have not only learned to shoot, but actually got my CHL this past summer.

The website he mentioned earlier is great! It was actually one of the things that moved me past thinking about my CHL to taking the class and submitting the paperwork.

I hope this helps at least a bit.

Kimberly

Roger Howard · #7

My wife was some what anti when we met. We had an incident about two blocks from the house where someone approached our car at the corner trying to sell us drugs. The next day I bought a 12 guage and loaded it with #4 buck. I had been working with her to that point, but the incident just put more "lead" into my argument. She nows goes to the range on occasion and shoots my 9mm. I now have my 10yo daughter shooting.
EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION
Cornered Cat is a great site.
I did get with PD and now the corner in question is drug free and things are quiet again

#8

Welcome to the forum MadDawg. I have preacher friends of my look at my pre marital counseling sheets and ask why I inlude this topic with those who are engaged. I am not taking a dig at you by no means, but it makes me like I am not wasting my time when I am counseling to ask these very types of questions. There has been a lot of good advice given thus far. I sure hope you can convince her. I would also add give her a lot of space and time.

Glockamolie · #9

It's easy for me to say sitting over here, but I'd probe as to the foundation for her beliefs. I'd explain that it's important for me to know where you're coming from. I'd think no matter the topic, a spouse should at least be able to back up statements like that about something you care about. Otherwise, when there's something important to her, you can always dismiss it as ridiculous and unacceptable...at least until she understands it when the shoe is on the other foot. You have to open up some dialogue. If it's her way or the highway, then you've got a long road ahead if you're a "gun nut".

MadDawg · #10

Thanks for the feedback!! Good comments and recommendations. Keep'em coming. We have talked about it in the past and recently. I've been working from my kids angle in getting them involved slowly. Examples are. Taking kids to gun shows. My 12 year old has shot my AR-15, a 270, 30.06, .22 long, Muzzle loader and a .50 cal rifle. AR is the only one mine. Anyway she did not give me grief but you could tell she was not pleased about it. Just this weekend I took the kids to the gun show here in Houston and when I returned she was not unhappy, but did roll her eyes before we left. Kids like going so maybe I have hope yet. I want to try and encourage my kids schools to have gun safty courses by which the state encourages and supports. If not, I do plan to enroll my boys when my 6 year turns 7 this Jan. into a kids program for gun safety. But back to the spouse. I will work on her slowly and try and get her involved. Its a up hill battle though.

Thanks,

MadDawg

kw5kw · #11

WO5M

Howdy there, glad to see you here!

don't mean to hijack the thread... sorry.

jbirds1210 · #12

http://www.nrahq.org/safety/eddie/fact.asp

This is a great place to start for recommending programs to the school!
Jason

isa268 · #13

I'm not married yet but me and my GF have had that conversation.

we fought we yelled in the end she said she doesn't like it but i guess i can't change you. (I'm stubborn as a mule) I've told her the guns come with me if and when we get married i hope she believes me cause I'm dead serious.

Cornered Cat is a wonderful site, its even good for men.

also try:

http://www.kressworks.com/Politics/Gun_ ... _uses.html

http://www.tsrapac.org/News_1.htm

http://www.gunfacts.info/

http://www.guncite.com/

this is for you to understand the Anti-gun mind this probably wont help showing her this:
http://www.jpfo.org/ragingagainstselfdefense.htm

you have no right to police protection that means its up to you to defend yourself, don't rely on 911:
http://hematite.com/dragon/policeprot.html

stories where people defend themselves with guns.
http://www.kressworks.com/Politics/Gun_ ... _uses.html

those are a good start.

The Marshal · #14

Glockamolie wrote:It's easy for me to say sitting over here, but I'd probe as to the foundation for her beliefs. I'd explain that it's important for me to know where you're coming from. I'd think no matter the topic, a spouse should at least be able to back up statements like that about something you care about. Otherwise, when there's something important to her, you can always dismiss it as ridiculous and unacceptable...at least until she understands it when the shoe is on the other foot. You have to open up some dialogue. If it's her way or the highway, then you've got a long road ahead if you're a "gun nut".

Austrian-Chip-Dip speaks the truth!
You really need to sit down and address her opinion, so that you can address her issue with the idea.

~Bill

cyphur · #15

My wife really didn't have much of a choice - she knew as a former soldier that weapons are a part of life for me.

Yet, I still wanted her to understand why I am getting my CHL, and we had a few heated discussions about it. In the end we both see eachother's points, and I've even had her handle the pistol and rifle a few times to get her familiar with it. Trying to debunk the "fact" that guns "just go boom" when they are played with.

It also helps that I am a HUGE proponent of muscle memory and practice, and I dry fire my weapons several times a week with snap caps - and I have managed not to shoot myself or the wall yet.

That is starting to help get her more comfortable. Also her seeing me clean my weapons thoroughly I do believe has helped her be confident that I am knowledgable and confident in the proper use of the firearms and know what I am doing.

There are some folks where actions truely do speak louder than words. Its working for me.....