Now I understand 'Have a Conversation'

[StewNTexas]

I have a new neighbor, that seems stand-off-ish, and does not respond to casual waves when I see him.

I was finishing some front yard maintenance yesterday when he drove into his driveway. He approached me and in a somewhat snotty tone said that we needed to 'have a conversation'. I told him to have a seat on my front porch as I needed to wash my hands, told him I had a fresh pot of coffee, and would he like some and how did he take it.

He said he did not have enough time, but said he wanted me to stop blowing leaves from around my driveway into the street as they were ending up in his yard. I simply asked him to take a look around. I have no trees in my yard, and as I live on the corner, there was a street on the other side of my house. I pointed out that he had lots of trees, and leaves were all over his yard and he had never made any effort to clean or rake his yard. Any and all leaves that were on my driveway came directly from his place and as far as I was concerned, I was simply returning his leaves to his property. I mentioned that the total amount of leaves involved would fit in a waste basket and was a very small amount based on how deep leaves were in his yard.

I have determined that anyone wanting to have a conversation actually wants to tell me how I should live or act. It is not a man to man, or person to person talk, but is an opportunity for the initiator to lecture someone on how much more important they, or their point of view is, and is more of a one way speech in an attempt to put the listener in his place.

I make an effort to play well with others, but sometimes it gets to be too much.

[C-dub]

You hit the nail on the head there. How long have you misunderstood that phrase?

You're right, it means they want you to shut up and listen to the way they want you to do something and don't want any input or discussion or actual conversation on the issue. What they really mean is that they need a minute or two to give a lecture.

[Abraham]

StewNTexas,

You have my sympathy.

The world is filled with mostly 'good friendly folk', but not all...

For some reason, when out on one of my mountain bike journeys, I often see other cyclists pedalling in the opposite direction and as we meet I 'used to' always give a friendly wave. Most of the time, I'm rebuffed. I don't understand the unfriendly, non-response to my wave so I quit unless they wave first. It took me years to stop the friendly wave, but hey, if you're going to be blown off, why bother?

When you give someone a friendly wave and you know they saw it, and they ignore you, it's kinda sad and little embarrassing.

Your neighbor sounds like these people.

Hostile for no good reason.

[puma guy]

Plaintiff "Judge Judy, I'm suing because my treeless neighbor insists on blowing my leaves off his property. onto the layer of leaves and hubris from my trees that I refuse to clean up" "I'm suing for actual damages and mental anguish"
Defendant "Your Honor, I'm counter suing for stupidity, arrogance and overall idiocy"

Judge Judy "Plaintiff, I've read your complaint, your suit is dismissed" Defendant "Your counter suit is granted. I'm awarding no monetary damages, but this episode will be distributed to all the neighbors and of course will be seen by millions on network TV!" "That's all"

[BobCat]

So - how did this guy respond to your reasonable point that the leaves were not "your" leaves since you have no trees?

Did he laugh and accept that he was off base, or leave in a huff?

And if he left in a huff - at least he left.

And now you know what sort of a [xxxx] you have for a neighbor. (Wait a minute... do you think the software censor will choke on "putz"?)

[puma guy]

It's actually really depressing reading that.

You know the old joke about not wanting to live on this planet any more? How is it possible for a sane person who believes in personal responsibility to get to be with like-minded folks these days? I get the impression that everyone wants it their way and nobody is prepared to compromise and try and see things from someone else's perspective - but they'll happily use code-phrases like the above to make it palatable enough so they can get to make their play, with no intention of any compromise.

I'm really tired of floating in what seems to be a a complete cesspool of whiners, complainers, nosy-parkers, the selfish and the lazy. I really don't want to live on this planet any more.

You're not alone. My wife keeps me in check when I encounter ilk such as this. It's a good thing those thought balloons in cartoons don't exist in real life. Just remember there are still plenty of thoughtful, intelligent caring folks around. Folks on this forum are ample proof of that. You are most certainly an example.

[RPBrown]

It is sad that people have come to the petty stuff like that. My immediate neighbors are all great however, we have one that lives on the other side of my next door neighbor that cares about no one but himself. I won't hijack this thread with his antics but just know you are not alone.

[cb1000rider]

I'd rather that he say something that get upset about it and behave passive-aggressively. The fact is that he told you what was bothering him. You told him that you weren't going to change your behavior. Although there was no compromise, everyone got their point across and there isn't any miscommunication.

What did he say when you pointed out the source of the leaves?

[The Annoyed Man]

So - how did this guy respond to your reasonable point that the leaves were not "your" leaves since you have no trees?

Yes, please do tell. I'm curious.

I'm one of those people who has a tree in front of his house that produces prodigious amounts of leaves on the ground in the fall. It is a massive Red Oak..... a beautiful tree most of the year around.....maybe even MORE beautiful when the leaves all turn orange and scarlet....but they sure do make a mess when they all come down.

Luckily for me, the neighbors can't blame all of the mess on their lawns on me, as they all have large oak trees too (Live Oaks) that produce copious fallout too; but the leaves from my tree seem to stand out because of color and quantity.

The last weekend of November, it was already a mess, and my wife and I spent the better part of a day getting it all bagged up. Then we spent the better part of 2-3 days recuperating and complaining about our backs and knees. Then, on 12/5, we flew to California for a week. When we got home on 12/13, we arrive to find that the wind had blown and knocked the last of the leaves out of the neighborhood trees. All the neighbors had already cleaned up their yards, but we had been gone a week, and our place looked like one of those homes that nobody in the neighborhood likes because the owners take such poor care of things.

Sigh....

My next door neighbor's son was home from Baylor for the holidays, and he allowed as how he needed some Christmas money. I was willing to pay someone this time instead of subjecting my body to another whuppin', and he got it all cleaned up and bagged for me. Best $35 I ever spent.

One time, his dad mentioned to me how irritating it was that the wind was blowing my orange red-oak leaves onto his front lawn, but made no mention of the fact that my driveway was covered in live-oak leaves and acorns from the branches of his live-oak trees that overhang my driveway. I only have one oak tree - that giant red-oak. I just smiled and nodded, and got about cleaning up my driveway. The dad isn't a jerk or anything. We attend the same church, and have been part of the same men's Bible-studies before. It's just that sometimes people aren't able to see beyond their own petty concerns to see the effect that their own lives are having on other people. They can only see what other people are "doing to them".

By the way StewNTexas, I'm not suggesting that this is the case with your neighbor. He sounds like a first-class snot, while my own neighbor isn't really a snot at all — he's actually a decent guy who is just a little bit self-centered and doesn't realize it.

The neighborhood Kabuki is certainly more complicated at times than it needs to be, isn't it?

[MeMelYup]

So - how did this guy respond to your reasonable point that the leaves were not "your" leaves since you have no trees?

Yes, please do tell. I'm curious.

I'm one of those people who has a tree in front of his house that produces prodigious amounts of leaves on the ground in the fall. It is a massive Red Oak..... a beautiful tree most of the year around.....maybe even MORE beautiful when the leaves all turn orange and scarlet....but they sure do make a mess when they all come down.

Luckily for me, the neighbors can't blame all of the mess on their lawns on me, as they all have large oak trees too (Live Oaks) that produce copious fallout too; but the leaves from my tree seem to stand out because of color and quantity.

The last weekend of November, it was already a mess, and my wife and I spent the better part of a day getting it all bagged up. Then we spent the better part of 2-3 days recuperating and complaining about our backs and knees. Then, on 12/5, we flew to California for a week. When we got home on 12/13, we arrive to find that the wind had blown and knocked the last of the leaves out of the neighborhood trees. All the neighbors had already cleaned up their yards, but we had been gone a week, and our place looked like one of those homes that nobody in the neighborhood likes because the owners take such poor care of things.

Sigh....

My next door neighbor's son was home from Baylor for the holidays, and he allowed as how he needed some Christmas money. I was willing to pay someone this time instead of subjecting my body to another whuppin', and he got it all cleaned up and bagged for me. Best $35 I ever spent.

One time, his dad mentioned to me how irritating it was that the wind was blowing my orange red-oak leaves onto his front lawn, but made no mention of the fact that my driveway was covered in live-oak leaves and acorns from the branches of his live-oak trees that overhang my driveway. I only have one oak tree - that giant red-oak. I just smiled and nodded, and got about cleaning up my driveway. The dad isn't a jerk or anything. We attend the same church, and have been part of the same men's Bible-studies before. It's just that sometimes people aren't able to see beyond their own petty concerns to see the effect that their own lives are having on other people. They can only see what other people are "doing to them".

By the way StewNTexas, I'm not suggesting that this is the case with your neighbor. He sounds like a first-class snot, while my own neighbor isn't really a snot at all — he's actually a decent guy who is just a little bit self-centered and doesn't realize it.

The neighborhood Kabuki is certainly more complicated at times than it needs to be, isn't it?

I use a mulching mower and run over it a few times.

[Abraham]

I quit the bagging routine for a little raking of leaves into rows that I then run over with a mulching lawn mower.

It's far less work and leaves (ah no pun) the yard looking great.

BTW, my neighborhood/area is full of Sycamore trees and their leaves are immense. While we all have a minimum of an acre and a half size yards, none of us complain about leaf migration from others yards into our yards.

I get some of my neighbors leaf litter and he in turn gets some of mine.

None of us would remotely consider complaining about it.

I don't know what kind of pinhead it takes to complain about such things, but I have to think the complainer of such things a whack job...

[StewNTexas]

His reply was something between a grunt and a funny sound meaning nothing, stuck his nose up in the air, spun about and retreated. Not absolutely sure, but I do not believe he drives a Prius, although he has the attitude to drive one.

[cb1000rider]

Stew,
FYI: I drive a hybrid. The Prius is a better hybrid than mine. I really hate mine, but I got a great deal on it, and as I drive 30k miles per year, it makes financial sense. It's less expensive to drive than a motorcycle. It does steal a little part of my soul each time I drive it, so perhaps long term use is bad.

I hope my attitude doesn't offend ya...

Sorry your neighbor isn't reasonable.