Death Threats

[stevie_d_64]

Chiming in...So far some really good advice on this...We all like to kid around and give each other a hard time, but there is definetly a serious side to this...

If this Marine is 18 years old (I stand to be corrected if I am wrong)...How old is the young lady here??? The reason I ask is I may not have seen that, and that it appears this is a maturity problem on both sides of this equation, and I would be inclined to be one to put the fledgling relationship to the side till he (Marine) works this out himself...

My advice would be a constructive one at the least...Notifying his command may bring into play some very helpful counseling that apparently he needs gobs of...I donot believe filing a police report on this will do any good...Just my opinion...

The biggest thing in all of this is that I am more concerned with his well being than the girls at this time...He needs to be retuned and focused sharply on his job right now...I do not want to hear of his demise or wounding because he may have been distracted by this issue...

[Fangs]

Sorry for the amount of time since my last reply, it was a busy weekend. Let me address some general points, some specific replies, and then the exciting new chapter of this saga.

The girl is 21. I'm 22. I think the Marine might be 19 now. He's 18 or 19.

I agree that I may have come across as overconfident when talking about actually getting in a physical confrontation with this guy. You guys bring up excellent points and I agree that I should not underestimate him. He hasn't been in any real firefights, but neither have I, and that doesn't mean he isn't trained to be. I'm mainly saying that I'm a lot more able to deal with such a situation now than I have been at other times in my life. Like last summer, which I spent on crutches.

I posted the pic on my Facebook and tagged her, making it available for all of her friends to see. He's one of her Facebook friends, so he can see it. That in and of itself doesn't bother me, since I'm still good friends with several of my ex's as well. I also don't have my fb set to private because I've never really had a reason to. So the only information she provided him was fb showing him the pic I tagged her in. I hadn't asked her for his info yet, but did while she was in town and she freely gave it.

With her being out of town til the weekend, and us not being able to come to a quick and easy agreement over the police report thing, we decided to talk about it in person instead of arguing over the phone. So it's not like there were any discussions where she refused to tell me anything between my first and second posts. However, when I asked if she'd go with me to file the report she said no. When I asked if she'd be mad at me if I went and filed it alone she said yes. At that point the decision was made for me to not stick this thing out. Her reasoning, again, was that it could "get him in trouble" and "might make him mad". You guys are right, she doesn't get that this is the result of his actions, and it's not my or her job to protect him from them. Unfortunately we had this discussion right before she was about to head back to Houston for the next two weeks and I didn't have the heart to dump her before she spent 3 hours on the road. I've seen what something like that can do to a girl and I chose to not do it right before she was going to be operating heavy machinery.

stevie_d_64 - As far as notifying his superiors in the military, I don't think I have all the info I need yet. At this point all I have is his first and last name, and the town he's from. I Didn't even mention this to the girl because if she freaked on the police report I know she's not going to go with this. I know she has one of his dog tags in her car somewhere but I didn't get a chance to find it and snag a pic of it. I'll probably try to do this when I go visit her in Houston. Any more advice on how to do this is greatly appreciated.

AndyC - I have plenty of couch space. Couches I don't mind sleeping on if you really wanted to come visit and sleep on a bed. IIRC, you lived in South Africa for a time, and my family and I are from there. So all in all you might really enjoy the trip. Though I'm not sure exactly what you were intending, I took it as a personal guard offer. Feel free to elaborate.

Oldgringo - I realize you and I look at the world in two very different ways. Although I like my way better, your perspective is still enlightening and appreciated. Please don't take this as sarcasm, I mean it sincerely. I think you especially will get a kick out of the next part:

And now for the rest of the story...
As if all the above isn't enough.

So she's been hanging out with a group of friends for the past month or so. Included in this group is a 36-year-old guy she and my ex-room mate met one night at a bar. He was buying everybody drinks, and in exchange they drove him home at the end of the night. Since then he became part of the group and I've hung out with them semi-regularly. Mostly out drinking but also tubing, and other things. Well, the night we were having the good-bye party for my gf since she was going to be in Houston for a couple weeks, the 36-year-old guy said something along the lines of, "I love this girl, if you ever hurt her I'll kill you." I thought nothing of it, like I said, it's a common threat and I've heard it before. I told him something like, "That's fine, I don't mistreat women." He then looked me in the eye, said, "No you don't understand," and repeated it. I figured he was drunk and feeling protective and all that stupid stuff. Well, come to find out, this weekend he told my gf that he went to jail for a few years for a murder charge.
Then when I couldn't make it in time to see the fireworks with her (while she was hanging out with this group of friends) due to a legitimate emergency, he told her, "I have to leave to go smoke pot before your bf (me) gets there otherwise I'll kill him (me)."

This made the ditching her decision that much easier. I'm thinking a police report's in order for it as well. Unlike the marine, this guy's bigger and stronger than I am. Even though she and I talked about it and she understood why I couldn't make it and got over it, he's still mad about it based on what he's been telling my ex-room mate. I think this relationship very easily fits into one of the top 3 worst decisions of my life.

Just curious, does anyone think me breaking up with her is going to make the marine less likely to follow through on the threat?
How about the older gentleman? I think it might make it worse, though that isn't going to change my decision.

[frazzled]

1. Yes you need to bail on this situation immediately. You need to drop all electronic connections with her including that newfangled stuff-facebook, etc. This also includes any phone numbers you have. It’s a pain but this is now really really serious.

2. You need to move, again immediately.

I would advise doing all the above before dumping her.

3. You need need to be very paranoid until everything is complete. Does she know where you work or anything like that? If you think you’re paranoid, be more so until complete. Listen to your instincts in every situation at this point. Since you’re on this board I am assuming you have a CCL. You need to be practiced and in locked and cocked state at all times.

4. When you dump her-be specific as to why. She should know its because she hangs with psycho people who have threatened your life and bends their way and not yours.

5. Do not associate or give numbers or connections to anyone who knows her. Frankly you need to get a more stable group of friends. This will help with these problems in the future.

OT but is there any way you could connect the jailhouse nutjob with the marine? Kind of killing two birds with one stone.

[Drewthetexan]

I gotta say, I can't imagine having a death threat for staying from one guy, and a death threat from another for leaving.

I'd think that the marine would back off, especially if you fall off completely. I'd expect he's less interested in you and more in his ex. I don't know about the other guy, but I think frazzled has the right idea.

I think this relationship very easily fits into one of the top 3 worst decisions of my life.

It happens. Best of luck.

[TxRVer]

I gotta say, I can't imagine having a death threat for staying from one guy, and a death threat from another for leaving.

I'd think that the marine would back off, especially if you fall off completely. I'd expect he's less interested in you and more in his ex. I don't know about the other guy, but I think frazzled has the right idea.

I think this relationship very easily fits into one of the top 3 worst decisions of my life.

It happens. Best of luck.

I agree with Drew that the marine will back off. The other guy seems unstable and the break-up could set him off. Be careful and watchful.

[surprise_i'm_armed]

Fangs:

You've made a good decision to get rid of this drama queen.
When you actually give her the news, make it short and sweet, but
definite that you 2 are finito. Don't arrange a further "talk it over"
session or anything like that. Her newest psycho bf, the 36 y.o., may
decide to tag along for protection.

Keep in mind that if you get into a fight with either the Marine or the
murderer, you need to have your ducks in a row for any possible legal action.

Continuum of force means that you don't go for your gun first.
I know a guy who has velcro'd mace cans to his doorways. He can still go
for his gun to shoot a home invader, but the crime scene photos would show
the cans next to the door. If he goes to court, he can reasonably say that he
had non-lethal protection available but the home invader was so aggressive he
had to shoot him.

Yes, it's unfortunate that people get into some sticky situations.
Good luck and we hope no JHP's have to be expended before all of this is over.

Rock on Garth.

[surprise_i'm_armed]

Duplicate of above post could not be deleted - No delete button showed.

[dicion]

I think you should arrange a CHL picnic, for all local TexasCHLForum members, and break the news to her there

[G.C.Montgomery]

It seems that I have unwittingly gotten myself into a bit of a situation, and I can't think of any group of people better suited to give me advice on how to handle it than yall...

Chiming in late and haven't read all the replies but here's mine based on the original post. I recognize I'm on the outside looking in at your situation but there's a cold part of me that says dump them both. No girlfriend, IMHO, of only a couple months is worth the aggravation. I suppose if I'd had a similar attitude about my wife, whom I love dearly, in the same situation that I wouldn't be married today. Still, some how I'm willing to bet I'd have gotten over it.

I've been in there with a previous girlfriend. Thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. My family dogged her but, I was "in love"....Horse HOCKEY!!!! To day I realize my brain was not engaged in the process at all. Anyway, come to find out this girl's "ex" was a thug of the highest order. Gold teeth, pants around his butt, and multiple arrests for drugs, public intoxication and felony assault. This was before facebook and all this new fangled Internet junk but, this turkey knew who I was and threatened to kill me. There was no commanding officer and I didn't have the luxury of knowing he was overseas.

My answer when this guy called was to tell him he could have the chick and that I never knew he'd existed until he called...All true and those were the first and last words I ever spoke to that guy. I wasn't going to threaten him because I didn't know what kind of game he'd bring to the table. There is ALWAYS somebody bigger, meaner and stronger than you!

As for the girl, I told her, we were done and that she needed to go back to her ex. I also told her that if anything happened to my family, I'd hold her, personally responsible and do my level best to bury her, the ex and both their families under the nearest jail. To her, because me dad was a cop and she was no angel, this was a credible threat. She cried, said I was a (I'll leave that part out) and told me she didn't understand why I would do that to someone who loved me. I told her if she loved me, she'd have told me about her psychotic felon of an ex as soon as we got serious and walked away. Haven't' seen either since and I'm glad for it.

The point lurking here is it sounds like you are young enough to move on. More than a decade has gone by and I've had some darn good times since then. I don't miss her, and could care less if she, her family or the felon boyfriend are still sucking air today. You've got too much to do and too much fun to have to be worried about some moron in the sand. Move on with your life. I'm sure there are better women with less baggage available.

That's my $0.02

[casingpoint]

You are quite possibly dealing with a true full blown psychopath in the guy who threatened you. Lose the girl and watch your back on the guy. Really watch your back on this one, dude, I mean it. You obviously don't understand the true nature of what you are dealing with. Loose these people immediately and be prepared if they come looking for you, especially if there is methamphetamine use involved on their part, which it sounds like there is. Best of luck to you.

[ELB]

This is turning out to be quite exciting. I lead such a boring life.

I sincerely hope that all the threats are over-dramatization and loud talk, but in the case they are not, don't get too hung up working your way through the force continuum business. It is a nice concept, but there is NO rule that says the badguy has to start at the low end. And neither do you. This is not like a burglary or even a robbery, where you may face someone who really does just want to steal some property and leave, and violence is not the main goal. If either of these guys show up, YOU are the focus. They want to do something to YOU. It may be just psychic punishment, like calling you names, or it may be much worse. You defend yourself as appropriate, you start where you need to on the force continuum, and that may mean your first choice is locking your door, or your first, last, and only choice may be deadly force.

Good luck.

[KD5NRH]

If either of these guys show up, YOU are the focus. They want to do something to YOU. It may be just psychic punishment, like calling you names, or it may be much worse.

Also, make sure you document the part about hearing that the second guy had done time for murder. Whether it's exactly right or not, it's information that will affect your decision in a force encounter, and can help you defend that decision in court afterward if you can show that you obtained that information prior to the encounter.

[Fangs]

Alright well, interesting turn of events.

The marine called me. He apologized for over reacting and saying things he didn't mean. He admitted he was just mad at himself because the girl dumped him after he cheated on her. He's also getting back with an ex of his that he was with for 3 or 4 years before this girl that was my gf.

The murderer is leaving for OK today since he was only in town for business for a couple weeks. I'd heard him say something like this before but didn't know how serious he was about it. My ex room mate's (we're on good terms) driving him to the airport so I don't have a reason to doubt this claim.

I had been avoiding all places / circumstances that would leave me unarmed since I brought up this topic, and it seems like I can relax a bit. Although I'll still stay on my toes for the duration of the marine's visit, I'm no longer planning on moving to a friend's house out of town for a bit.

The girl begged and pleaded me to not break up with her and when faced with it as a real possibility she grew a spine and ditched the friends and told the marine to back off. She told me how I was the perfect guy and all she ever wanted... how she won't ever find someone else like me. Then I dumped her.

Thanks all for the advice and concern and prayers. Andy, if you still want to visit sometime, feel free.

Anyone think I'm taking this too lightly still? The hardcore paranoia has faded a bit, should it not?