Concealed Carry and Worrysome Family

[WolfeJager]

Im in need of some peoples different views, advice, and/or opinions.

So I went down for Thanksgiving to my parents house.

I live in the houston area and my little brother goes to college in houston as well...so our Parents decide to pick up my little brother and me while they are at it to go down for Thanksgiving.
Everytime my brother comes over we go shooting and I teach him how to use and clean my AR15 and RIA.45, he does the cleaning while I slack off and play computer games. So we are packing up to go and I put on my holster and fit it all nice for a 6 hour drive and get my M65 field jacket to cover it. He asks me "Are you going to take that with you?". I tell him Yes, and he knows i dont go anywhere with out it. He replies "Are you going to tell them?", I said "No".

So all that finishes we get on the road and no one but me and my brother know im carrying. Me and my Dad talking about guns, my Mom asking my why I buy guns...etc. So we get home and unload the car and my mom takes off to get stuff. Me and my dad were outside talking around the BBQ pit and he pulls up 2 chairs. So I go inside and take off my jacket and my dad follows me to get some spices and whatnot and notices almost in nanoseconds that I had my 45 with me. He exclaims, YOU ARE CARRYING THAT?, THE HAMMER IS BACK!! IS IT LOADED? I go outside and drop the mag and eject the round and put it back in the magazine and put the gun in my drawer. If my mother was there she would have Imploded if she saw me with it.

So I want to know how any of you have dealt with this kind of situation? My dad is was just more suprised, hes been around guns and his dad was a Cop a while back. My mother is where most of the problems lie....my mom not being happy and bugging my dad about it makes him unhappy.

Ive been carrying for almost a year and im still pretty new to it and im 25yrs old. Inb4, "I live on my own, i can do what i want"...etc. I would like to maintain respect In talking to my parents. Im just at a loss on what to say.

[The Annoyed Man]

If your dad is a gun guy, he'll understand that a 1911 is perfectly safe when it is cocked and locked, that it is perfectly useless with the hammer down on an empty chamber, and that if it is a 1911A1, it isn't necessarily safe to carry it hammer down on a loaded chamber.

I have never had to face your issue, but since my one remaining parent is back in California (and is rabidly anti-gun), I can't carry around her anyway so it's a moot point. My two younger brothers (also back in California) both know about my CHL and that I carry, but for the sake of family harmony, they have never shared that information with my mother.

I wish that I could give you some specific advice about how to convince your parents that it's OK for you to carry, but I do believe that you should start from the position of being respectful, even if you disagree with them. Deuteronomy 5:16 is the "5th Commandment," and it says: "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you." This is a two part statement. There is a "what to do" part, and a "why you should do it" part. This doesn't just refer to the context of your interpersonal dealings with them, but also to the context of whether or not your actions in the world bring honor upon your parents.

Secondly, be honest. As a father myself, I can tell you that I appreciate honesty from my son almost more than anything else, because it speaks to the essential strength of his character. But when doing so, remember to "speak the truth in love."

Thirdly, if you don't prevail in this discussion, remember that maintaining your relationship with them must come first. They are only going to be on this earth for a while; and then one day, they will be gone and you will be willing to give anything to have them back.

I think that if you keep those three things in mind, and if your parents are thoughtful people, you'll do fine and they will eventually get used to the idea of your CHL. And heaven forbid, there may even come a day when they will be grateful for it.

[Excaliber]

If your dad is a gun guy, he'll understand that a 1911 is perfectly safe when it is cocked and locked, that it is perfectly useless with the hammer down on an empty chamber, and that if it is a 1911A1, it isn't necessarily safe to carry it hammer down on a loaded chamber.

I have never had to face your issue, but since my one remaining parent is back in California (and is rabidly anti-gun), I can't carry around her anyway so it's a moot point. My two younger brothers (also back in California) both know about my CHL and that I carry, but for the sake of family harmony, they have never shared that information with my mother.

I wish that I could give you some specific advice about how to convince your parents that it's OK for you to carry, but I do believe that you should start from the position of being respectful, even if you disagree with them. Deuteronomy 5:16 is the "5th Commandment," and it says: "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you." This is a two part statement. There is a "what to do" part, and a "why you should do it" part. This doesn't just refer to the context of your interpersonal dealings with them, but also to the context of whether or not your actions in the world bring honor upon your parents.

Secondly, be honest. As a father myself, I can tell you that I appreciate honesty from my son almost more than anything else, because it speaks to the essential strength of his character. But when doing so, remember to "speak the truth in love."

Thirdly, if you don't prevail in this discussion, remember that maintaining your relationship with them must come first. They are only going to be on this earth for a while; and then one day, they will be gone and you will be willing to give anything to have them back.

I think that if you keep those three things in mind, and if your parents are thoughtful people, you'll do fine and they will eventually get used to the idea of your CHL. And heaven forbid, there may even come a day when they will be grateful for it.

I would add - get a tuckable holster (e.g. Blade Tech UCH).) It helps preserve family harmony because you don't have to explain what people can't see.

[longtooth]

When training new to shooting folks & they become frightened about my 1911 C&L I clear it & show them the TWO external manual safetys on the gun.
Reminding them a revolver has none & they are perfectly safe---Right??
Yes sir.
Your Glock, XD, Kahr,...has no external safety but is perfectly safe---Right??
Yes sir.
OK Your hunting rifle does not have a "Hammer" on it but the firing pin is "Cocked" & one safety on---Right??
Yes sir.
Safe??
Yes sir.
Your Glock, XD, Kahr does not have a "Hammer" showing but no safety & will fire when the trigger is pulled & it is safe---right??
Yes sir.
Then, w/ the 1911 clear & both safeties ingaged I hold it by the but & show them the trigger will not pull & it will not fire. Talk about internal firing pin block & drop safety.
I grip it & let them see the bever tail move. Trigger still will not pull or the gun fire.
Off the grip safety & disengauge the thumb safety. Trigger still wont pull & the gun wont fire.
Then proper grip & disengauge thumb then the trigger pulls & the hammer falls.
Now is my gun w/ a VISIBLE hammer back as safe as yours???
Yes sir.
So far it has worked every time.

[Pete92FS]

I had a similar situation last week. We drove to Atlanta to see spend Thanksgiving with my inlaws. My wife has progressed from the "eye roll" whenever I carried to reminding me the other day not forget my gun when I went out.

My father-in-law is from Brooklyn, not sure what his stance on guns is (he doesn't own any) and can be pretty closed-minded on certain subjects but my wife warned me not to talk about guns, don't let him know I have a CHL and especially don't let him know I'm carrying. I carried whenever we went out and also some around the house and he was none the wiser for the five days we were there. Concealed is concealed and it's better to let sleeping dogs lie.

Had no problems carrying in Georgia or when travelling through Alabama, Mississippi or Louisiana.

[frazzled]

Its his house. Why did you carry into his house without telling him?

[dewayneward]

Well, since the cat is already out of the bag, it is important to be respectful yet firm on your beliefs. When my mom in law found out that I was interested in guns, I got the "blood in the streets" speech. I attempted to use facts and figures to convince her....logic doesnt work on emotional people. she knows i carry and its just one of the many topics that dont get brought up when we are around each other. She knows that I carry and I carry around my kids and she just doesnt bring it up.

I look at it as I can be respectful, but be my own person. With most people, out of site out of mind. I would just conceal and call it a day. If THEY bring it up again, address it with facts. After the initial shock of "gun" wears off, things will go back to normal.

[Keith B]

Its his house. Why did you carry into his house without telling him?

Do you tell everyone you are carrying when you enter a location? Like the greeter at Wal-Mart, the grocery store clerk, etc? It's their stores, why would you carry into their stores without telling them? I see no difference.

As the OP found out, you have a greater risk of being discovered around family, but I don't think just going into their house is grounds to reveal you are carrying. It is concealed carry for a reason.

Now, once they found out and requested you do not carry in their home, then you must respect their wishes. Number one, it's the right thing to do. Number two, you have now been given a legal verbal notice.

For WolfeJager, the only thing you can do is talk to them and try to show them how safe it is. Get your Dad to join this forum, etc. Converts CAN be made, you just must do it with finesse.

[Purplehood]

Its his house. Why did you carry into his house without telling him?

Unless Dad has a 30.06 sign on his door, I would keep it CONCEALED.

[Abraham]

I completely agree with Keith B and Purplehood.

I would add that if someone decides it's their duty to convince me not to carry or start to deliver the "blood in the streets" lecture, I will politely inform them it's not up for discussion.

I'm not duty bound to listen to these lectures or be harangued about my personal choices any more than someone insisting I agree with their political or religious particulars.

And, in the opposite vein, I no longer attempt to point out the wisdom of carrying. I'm not an evangelical for carrying.

Want to carry?

Great!

Don't want to carry?

Great!

[dicion]

I guess I'm lucky, I don't have this problem

My parents both live in NY State, and have jumped through the appropriate hoops to get pistol permits there. They had them since I was a young teenager.
(you pretty much NEED a LEO Signoff there to get one... and it's NY. Think about how hard that is )

Granted, they're still not 'carry' permits, but rather just 'you're allowed to own' permits...
... however that did not stop them from carrying many, many times when I lived there.

Granted, they don't carry daily, but if my mom knows that she's going to a not-so-pleasant area of the local city, she'll put a Tomcat in her purse...
(She may have upgraded to one of the new .380's, but when I was a kid, it was a TomCat)
In the winter, my father carries a S&W .44mag in a shoulder holster when he carries....
(He also uses it to hunt deer during hunting season.. but thats a different story )
Much easier to carry large handguns under a large coat

They're both subscribers to the 'judged by 12, carried by 6' rule.
In fact, when my father came and visited me earlier this year, he asked me why I didn't have MY CCW yet...
... I told him it was still processing

[Shorts]

I'm so thankful for my parents


My husband's parents & family on the other hand are similar to the OPs. In order to keep the peace we've taken the approach to limit what they know about our activities. The do know we buy and owns guns (and motorcycles!). (They might know we carry). But we don't ever talk guns or skirt topics where it would invite questions and discussion. If they bring it up out of the blue, we'll talk about it but end it quickly. But we don't bring it up unless there's is absolutely no choice (due to legality issues). Like when my FIL wanted to ship/mail some luggage from AZ to TX which contained a M&P9c

For the most part we keep the things they don't like out of their face. Most of that is out of selfish motivations as we don't want to hear it. We're adults, responsible and take the things we do very serious. We know the risks and for us we find them acceptable. We have made that clear and feel its not something that we have to constantly defend. They like it or they don't, but we have our decisions and we'll continue to make them.

Obviously I can't tell you what you should do. You know your family and what is acceptable and what is possible. Best of luck

[bdickens]

I am an adult, I am not a little boy any more. I love my parents. I respect my parents. I honor my parents. But what I choose to do or not do as an adult is really none of their business. Since I am an adult, they no longer have any input into how I conduct my daily life.

[Oldgringo]

Pete92FS wrote:

Concealed is concealed and it's better to let sleeping dogs lie.

The above statement pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?

[frazzled]

I completely agree with Keith B and Purplehood.

I would add that if someone decides it's their duty to convince me not to carry or start to deliver the "blood in the streets" lecture, I will politely inform them it's not up for discussion.

I'm not duty bound to listen to these lectures or be harangued about my personal choices any more than someone insisting I agree with their political or religious particulars.

And, in the opposite vein, I no longer attempt to point out the wisdom of carrying. I'm not an evangelical for carrying.

Want to carry?

Great!

Don't want to carry?

Great!

I have no issue in a discussion about it. But its their house. You don't go into someone's house with a gun without permission or knowledge. Thats rude. If I found out someone came in with a gun in my house without telling me, or common knowledge (aka a fellow CHLer), I'd throw them out never to return. Same if they came in hiding a butcher knife or machete. Tell me.

Frankly if you in their house and not comfortable telling them, should you even be in the house?