Really bad jokes

[BobCat]

Yes, but most of them are so cruel that, even without actually violating the 10-year-old-daughter rule, they would get me kicked off the Form.

[WildBill]

[PBratton]

^^^^^^^^^ Repeat ^^^^^^^^^

There were two guys out in the field, hunting. They came upon this big hole in the ground. They both looked it in and it was so deep that they couldn't see the bottom.

One hunter says, "I wonder how deep that hole is, I can't even see the bottom."

The other hunter says, "I got an idea. We could throw something in there and listen for when it hits the bottom."

The first hunter says, "That's a great idea. Let's find something and throw it in the hole."

The two hunters look around and see this old truck transmission just laying on the ground. They both agree that would be a good object, so they pick it up and throw it into the hole. They listen and listen, but can't hear it hit the bottom.

About a minute later they see this goat zip by them and jump in the hole. They go back and listen some more, but can't hear the goat hit the bottom. They just shrug their shoulders and say, "Man that's a deep hole" and go back to hunting.

A little while later a rancher comes and sees the two hunters. He walks up to them and asks them if they have seen a goat.

One of the hunters tell the rancher, "Yeah we saw a goat go by here about twenty minutes ago. He jumped into that big hole over there."

The rancher says, "Well, that can't be my goat. I had mine tied up to an old truck transmission."

[rustycase]

These are all great! I've been rolling here at work today, thanks. I'm amused easily.

heres a couple kid jokes I heard.

How do cows keep count? With a COWCULAOR.


Why can"t fish talk? Bc their mouth is full of water.

[ShinerTX]

A blind man walks into a Lesbian bar and orders a drink, after several he is feeling social and asked the room, "Does any one want to hear a blond joke?

The lady setting next to him says "Mister evidently you don't know that this is a lesbian bar, the bartender is a competitive martial arts expert and she is a blond, the woman on the other side of you is the president of the baddest all woman's motorcycle club in the country and she is a blond, I am the bouncer for this establishment, and I am a blond. Do you really want to tell a blond joke?"


The blind man slowly shakes his head and says

No

Not if I have to explain it 3 times....

[RPB]

I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota . He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing other than go out to get the morning paper and look through the kitchen window all day. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

[Pawpaw]

I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota . He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing other than go out to get the morning paper and look through the kitchen window all day. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

[The Annoyed Man]

Texas Declares War on the USA....

The first time I heard that joke in 2003, it was an Irishman from County Cork declaring war on Saddam Hussein. Very funny.

[terryg]

I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota . He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing other than go out to get the morning paper and look through the kitchen window all day. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

That's just wrong!!

[cougartex]

Blonde: Hey, What does 'IDK' mean?
Brunette: I don't know.
Blonde: Oh my god NOBODY KNOWS!

_______________________________________________________

Q: 17 blondes stand out side a workout room, why don't they go in?
A: The sign says must be 18 to enter.

[RPB]

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I need help.
Dentist: What's the problem?
P: I think I'm a moth.
D: You don't need a Podiatrist. You need a psychiatrist.
P: Yes, I know.
D: So why did you come in here?
P: The light was on.

[Ameer]

My Blackberry is not working.

[youtube][/youtube]

[RPB]

A state trooper pulled us over for speeding on a deserted road in southern Utah. The road was empty, and he was almost apologetic about writing the ticket. He even complimented us for wearing our seat belts.
At that point, my wife leaned over and said, "Well, officer, when you drive the speeds we do, you've got to wear them."






Patient: I can't be cured? That's horrible! How much time do I have,Doc?
Doctor: Ten...
Patient: Ten years? Ten months? What?!?!
Doctor: Nine ......eight...

[Excaliber]

Warning: These are really bad!

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[Jasonw560]

In 2011 We'll have both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.

As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, 'I bet you don't know what day this is?'

'Of course I do,' he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o'clock, the doorbell rang. The wife answered, and at her front door was a UPS driver holding a box, containing a dozen red roses.

Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door. This time the driver had a box of Belgian chocolates.

Later that evening the husband came home, tired after a hard day's work. His wife greeted him by saying: 'First the flowers, then the chocolates, I've never had such a wonderful Groundhog Day!'

Ironically, my parents were married on Groundhog Day.