Thinking about Proposing

[TheCytochromeC]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years in Feb. I'm thinking about asking her to marry me at/after dinner on our anniversary. I think it's certainly time to do so. I'm starting to look at engagement rings. All I can say is it hurts me, deep inside, to spend that much money without any NFA stamps to show for it.

Any advice fellas, or ladies?

[jmra]

About marriage or the ring?

[Cedar Park Dad]

How old are you?

[SQLGeek]

FIrst of all, congrats to you on a long relationship already. My wife and I dated for several years through high school and college and I think in many respects that has made our marriage easier (but still not easy!).

As far as the ring, I don't know either of you but my suggestion would be to disregard the typical advice you get such as "budget 2-3 months salary". That's a marketing ploy from the diamond industry (same thing as diamonds are truly rare). If you're not stuck on recent tradition, it may not even have to be a diamond if neither of you are the type that cares about that. My wife wanted a diamond ring so that's what I got for her after quite a bit of shopping around.

What I ended up doing was picking out a certified diamond that looked good and was a decent size but not extravagant and then had it placed in a setting I knew she would like. It wasn't very expensive or large but the clarity of the diamond made up for the size.

That said, once you're engaged, I highly recommend pre-marital counseling even if you're not religious. A good, honest assessment of your relationship with a professional will at least give you both a good footing for starting off your marriage right.

Good luck to you!

[Abraham]

You're ambivalent.

Marriage is not a duty.

Don't pull the trigger.

However, if do propose, buy a small gold band. It'll get the job done. If she blows a gasket because you didn't spend the GNP of a small nation for a big, honking bejeweled dazzler, than it'll be good to learn that now...

BTW, DeBeers, a monster big diamond company came up with the idea that engagement rings had to have a diamond/diamonds mounted on them as years ago they had a surplus of diamonds and one of their guys came with this jewel of an idea.

The dirty dog...

[jmra]

FIrst of all, congrats to you on a long relationship already. My wife and I dated for several years through high school and college and I think in many respects that has made our marriage easier (but still not easy!).

As far as the ring, I don't know either of you but my suggestion would be to disregard the typical advice you get such as "budget 2-3 months salary". That's a marketing ploy from the diamond industry (same thing as diamonds are truly rare). If you're not stuck on recent tradition, it may not even have to be a diamond if neither of you are the type that cares about that. My wife wanted a diamond ring so that's what I got for her after quite a bit of shopping around.

What I ended up doing was picking out a certified diamond that looked good and was a decent size but not extravagant and then had it placed in a setting I knew she would like. It wasn't very expensive or large but the clarity of the diamond made up for the size.

That said, once you're engaged, I highly recommend pre-marital counseling even if you're not religious. A good, honest assessment of your relationship with a professional will at least give you both a good footing for starting off your marriage right.

Good luck to you!

Great advice.
If you can't afford the ring, don't buy it. But don't go cheap and then expect to spend thousands on "toys".
Don't go to bed angry (especially in your first years of marriage). My wife and I had some very late night discussions in the kitchen, but the bedroom was a sanctuary of peace and tranquility. Worked very well for us.
Don't be in a hurry to have kids. My wife and I were married for 10 years before starting a family. It allowed us to do things for our kids financially that we would have been unable to do otherwise.

[TheCytochromeC]

About marriage or the ring?

The ring in particular. Please, I don't want to hear about other peoples marriages, we get that enough on the daily

[TheCytochromeC]

How old are you?

I'm 17, we've been dating since middle school so that really shows commitment you know.

I'm joking, I'm 25.

[Cedar Park Dad]

How old are you?

I'm 17, we've been dating since middle school so that really shows commitment you know.

I'm joking, I'm 25.

25 is fine.

Agreed with earlier. Get a relatively cheap ring for right now. You can upscale on the 10th anniversary.
If she acts poorly about a cheap ring well thats a serious sign you should think about the follow on ring...

[jmra]

About marriage or the ring?

The ring in particular. Please, I don't want to hear about other peoples marriages, we get that enough on the daily

Guess we blew that already.
I picked out a setting I knew my wife would like and took it to a diamond broker. I told him what I wanted. He made inquiries and let me know what was available. As a result, the ring immediately appraised (a requirement by my insurance agent) for 3 times what I paid for it. Be careful with jewelry stores, most mark up their inventory 300-400% over cost.

[suthdj]

We had talked about it before I popped the question but when I told her how much I "Supposed" to spend would be the cost of a nice used car she said get the car instead. She got a better used car and a ring that fit her hand which was very small.

[SQLGeek]

Please, I don't want to hear about other peoples marriages, we get that enough on the daily

I'm sure you do, be sure to pay attention to at least some of it. Not all advice is good but hearing from people who've BTDT can at least help you avoid mistakes that others have made.

[mojo84]

FIrst of all, congrats to you on a long relationship already. My wife and I dated for several years through high school and college and I think in many respects that has made our marriage easier (but still not easy!).

As far as the ring, I don't know either of you but my suggestion would be to disregard the typical advice you get such as "budget 2-3 months salary". That's a marketing ploy from the diamond industry (same thing as diamonds are truly rare). If you're not stuck on recent tradition, it may not even have to be a diamond if neither of you are the type that cares about that. My wife wanted a diamond ring so that's what I got for her after quite a bit of shopping around.

What I ended up doing was picking out a certified diamond that looked good and was a decent size but not extravagant and then had it placed in a setting I knew she would like. It wasn't very expensive or large but the clarity of the diamond made up for the size.

That said, once you're engaged, I highly recommend pre-marital counseling even if you're not religious. A good, honest assessment of your relationship with a professional will at least give you both a good footing for starting off your marriage right.

Good luck to you!

Great advice.
If you can't afford the ring, don't buy it. But don't go cheap and then expect to spend thousands on "toys".
Don't go to bed angry (especially in your first years of marriage). My wife and I had some very late night discussions in the kitchen, but the bedroom was a sanctuary of peace and tranquility. Worked very well for us.
Don't be in a hurry to have kids. My wife and I were married for 10 years before starting a family. It allowed us to do things for our kids financially that we would have been unable to do otherwise.

Sage advice by both. Its not the price of the ring that counts. It's the love in the heart and commitment in the mind that counts. If it was the price of the ring that mattered, my wife would have never married me. I bought her here ring when I was 17 and broker than broke. That was almost 29 years ago that we got married.

[jmra]

How old are you?

I'm 17, we've been dating since middle school so that really shows commitment you know.

I'm joking, I'm 25.

I was 24, my wife was 27. I asked her to marry me two weeks after our first date.
Did I fail to mention that I had a crush on her when I was 10? She wasn't the girl next door, but you could stand in my driveway and see her driveway.