Wife: I prefer to live in the "lala" land

[GeekwithaGun]

So what's the problem? It sounds to me like you would be good if you ditched the fannypack and kept your mouth shut - two things a woman shouldn't have had to tell you to do. Do you carry a gun to be comfortable, or to be safe? Get a quality IWB holster and gun belt and learn to carry a concealed firearm the way the rest of us do it.

You sound harsh, but I may deserve it. I have 3 IWB, one generic, and 2 custom made, in the summer,IWB does not work well with light shirt, 511 one are to the rescue.

Beiruty,

My IWB is a Comptac minatour, kydex leather hybrid; my OWB is a comptac gladiator kydex leather hybrid. My only complaint about the OWB is it seems to sag a bit and I have to spread the loops a little at times. that said...

I am 5'11", 200 lb (ish) and carry a full size S&W M&P 9mm IWB in T-shirt and shorts or jeans. I try to wear an under shirt and a cover shirt, The undershirt helps keep sweat off and the rubbing on the skin to a minimum, but this is not always possible, so when I can't or want to just wear a t-shirt it still works.

I was at a local car show 2 weeks ago in shorts and a t-shirt, no one noticed, my wife wasn't sure and the t-shirt was not a real loose one or long. I felt a little like everyone was going to see something and the local PD wandering around would stop me and ask about it, but no one said anything, no one ran to hide or screamed "he's got a gun!"

If I carry OWB, then I have a looser cover shirt, camp style shirt and I wear shorts, jeans, whatever.

It can be done, it can be comfortable (clothing wise) and I really think no one really notices or even cares if they do. I don't know if you tell your wife your carrying, if you do, try not saying anything and just go about your day. If my wife doesn't see me "gear up" she might ask later if I'm carrying or feel my waist for it.

just my $0.02 FWIW

[Valor]

I had a similar discussion just last night with the Mrs. It slipped out that I was carrying at a class we take together. She scolded me for carrying without a license. I had to let her in on that I was now licensed. Then the discussion changed to, why would I need to carry a gun into the class. The class is hosted inside of a semi vacant mall in the center of town after hours. She went on further to claim that it appears I have become paranoid all of a sudden.

My reply to it all, was 1) I carry to class not to protect us from any class member, but the 1/8" mile distance from the exit of the building to the car 2) A man's greatest concern is not being able to defend his family 3) BG don't follow the law so they may be carrying deadly weapons 4) 2nd Amendment allows me to do so 5) I need to established a pattern of carrying incase I have to use my pistol a Prosecutor can't spin that I carried that particular day to shot someone, no I carry everyday 6) A gun at home or in the car is not good if we are not there. Sure there was a 7 & 8. She responded, so is it loaded and ready to go. Yes honey, it is. Her mouth now wide open, "is that safe?"

Of course her fears are generated out of ignorance from what she sees on tv. I assured her as long as the trigger is covered; I cannot discharge the weapon. Just as your wife Beiruty, she is open to going to the range. I am slowly bringing her into the light. I used that discussion to talk about a defense strategy if we are ever accosted.

[WildBill]

Take the banner off the darn safe. IMO, it is unneccesary and serves no useful purpose other than to antagonize your wife. It costs nothing for you to remove it. Maybe that would ease some of her negative thoughts.

[ScooterSissy]

Why not tell your wife that she is free to tell all of her friends that she "made" you agree to stop carrying a weapon.

Carry well-concealed.

She doesn't have to tell them how long you agreed not to carry. That's between a husband and wife ;)

[Divided Attention]

OK - I tried to be good and stay quiet, but am not sure I can.

Beiruty - I agree with Wild Bill - take the banner off the safe. As a girl, I can promise you we don't like to be forced into anything, especially something that some are viscerally afraid of like firearms. I grew up shooting and it took a while to wrap my brain around carrying a deadly weapon every day, everywhere legally possible. Then it took me some time to carry "locked and loaded"I wanted and empty chamber and safety when I first started the mental journey. Then the side arm I fell in love with has no safety - so then I had to get over the one in the chamber dilema. Then I got my P238 it had a safety, so I was jonesed - safety and empty chamber! After a lot of time, homework and a very patient hubby that just encouraged baby steps and let me move at my own pace I carry everywhere, chamber loaded - safety on if it has it and usually extra magazines

If my husband had asked me everyday to carry, hounded or belittled me about carrying locked and loaded I would likely have never carried. Not only do I carry, but we train together and it is great fun. I now have my own 9mm SBR in AR format (love it!) and my own HD Shotgun 12g, and 3 pistols I rotate through my carry schedule depending upon what I am doing or wearing. I also get to work with other women on a fairly regular basis that are like your wife, terrified and have preset ideas based on lack of firsthand knowledge. Women are wired to be nurturing caregivers and most are not comfortable tapping into their inner mother bear. Oftentimes once they can look as self defense as more of protecting those they are responsible for it is much easier to visualize themselves shooting. While shooting can be a sport, that is not what firearms were designed to be and it goes against all things female and nurturing.

Be patient, and more subtle. Invite her to come with you and enjoy the progress. It may be a long road.

Valor - you are lucky you are not my spouse! I cannot imagine him keeping something like that from me! I would see this as a huge breech of trust - you would be hoping the couch was very comfortable! That is one thing MAR and I do discuss is a plan for if something should go down. I know if we are out and he lets go of my hand it is due to spidey senses and he wants his strong hand free and vv. Not only that - the CHL process is not inexpensive and we would have discussed that big of an expense. Maybe you should have invited her to take the class with you - even if she wasn't going to use it right away, may have been a way to educate and introduce something you can share together - I am so blessed and hubby and I really enjoy training together!

stepping off of nagging stool now

[Salty1]

I am a firm believer in "need to know" and my wifes friends do not fall into that catagory. They all know we have an FFL business and if I was ever asked if I was carrying (which I always am) I would give them the "what are you talking about look" and not answer the question. From my perspective having a CHL is nobodys business and thankfully my wife would not tell people that we both have them unless they brought the topic up and were openly pro-gun. By letting people know you have a CHL and carry I feel one opens themselves up to backyard gossip which nothing good can come out of. Concealed is concealed should also include verbally.............

[surferdaddy]

My wife is in the roll her eyes at all gun related issues camp. Not completely sure what it means but if I had to guess I would say she; thinks it's rediculous, had no idea I was a gun nut when we got married, only tolerates it cause I think it's important, is glad I have it on those chance encounters with questionable characters. I can live with that.

[Valor]

...Women are wired to be nurturing caregivers and most are not comfortable tapping into their inner mother bear. Oftentimes once they can look as self defense as more of protecting those they are responsible for it is much easier to visualize themselves shooting. While shooting can be a sport, that is not what firearms were designed to be and it goes against all things female and nurturing.

Valor - you are lucky you are not my spouse! I cannot imagine him keeping something like that from me! I would see this as a huge breech of trust - you would be hoping the couch was very comfortable! That is one thing MAR and I do discuss is a plan for if something should go down. I know if we are out and he lets go of my hand it is due to spidey senses and he wants his strong hand free and vv. Not only that - the CHL process is not inexpensive and we would have discussed that big of an expense. Maybe you should have invited her to take the class with you - even if she wasn't going to use it right away, may have been a way to educate and introduce something you can share together - I am so blessed and hubby and I really enjoy training together!

...

To your first point; I asked her how would she feel (if she had kids, but don't yet) if something happened to them and she was not there or could not do anything to help them. That gave her a better perspective of my point of view.

Your second point; She will not officially be my spouse until December of this year ;) I kept it a secret with the intent of carrying awhile without her awareness. With hopes of educating her on concealed carry. I have yet to notify her that I was carrying the entire time we were taking our engagement photos this past weekend. Waiting for the photos to be delivered and her to compliment how good we look. "BTW, I was packing baby" Yes she will be irritated, but she will understand concealment. I invited her to join the class when I took it; needless to say she declined since only paranoid people carry guns. Hoping to get her out to a ladies night and rent a .380 and see where it goes from there.

Thanks for your rant

[TexasComputerDude]

I wish you luck sir. I've never been in a serious relationship. I think my problem is im still trying to figure out women. I should probably just give up on that notion right now.

I can help you out with this.

Say your girlfriend wants to do video editing, picture editing, and even some light gaming (tetris *cough*) and she wants to store tons of pictures and videos. She also doesn't like taking her computer with her. She leaves it in the same spot all day every day as she has her iPhone.

You show her a desktop that's pretty powerful and at a great price. Its not a gaming computer per say but it can def. get the job done.

Then she goes and buys a netbook cause its cute..... and a few weeks later complains that its slow.

[karder]

There will always be differing opinions between spouses and family members on lots of issues. Unfortunately, concealed carry can really bring some hot discussions when there are different philosophies.
I like that adage which goes something like "everyone dreams of a world of love, peace and sunshine. Unfortunately, half the people think that would be a great place to live, and the other half thinks it would be a great place to plunder". It is okay to want security, but if you have no means to assure your security, then you are putting yourself at the mercy of those around you.
Divided Attention is right. Trying make a woman do something she doesn't want to do is like trying to teach a horse to sing. It will only frustrate you and annoy the horse. Keep your safety first and stay armed, but seek compromise where possible.

[WildBill]

I wish you luck sir. I've never been in a serious relationship. I think my problem is im still trying to figure out women. I should probably just give up on that notion right now.

I can help you out with this.

Say your girlfriend wants to do video editing, picture editing, and even some light gaming (tetris *cough*) and she wants to store tons of pictures and videos. She also doesn't like taking her computer with her. She leaves it in the same spot all day every day as she has her iPhone.

You show her a desktop that's pretty powerful and at a great price. Its not a gaming computer per say but it can def. get the job done.

Then she goes and buys a netbook cause its cute..... and a few weeks later complains that its slow.

Of course this example is entirely theoretical and has never happened to anyone that you know.

[E.Marquez]

There will always be differing opinions between spouses and family members on lots of issues.

Very true, also true is there is no requiernment to agree on everything.
I carry, my wife chose not to for many years, but enjoys shooting sports, range time, and has a house gun....... while she may not have for many years wanted to carry herself, she knew I did, and would never tell me I cant..... No more than I would tell her she can’t....take up archery, or shark tank free swim .. Though.. I'd update her life insurance before the latter lessons started.

I ride and race motorcycles, she only rides...but she would never tell me not to race, ride fast… same with our sons.
I jump out of perfectly good airplanes..... she watches me jump out of airplanes
I go to work in a job each day, that is a bit more dangerous than many others…she would never tell me to quit.
Point is, sharing what we do, want to do, buy, want to buy, ect with our spouses is important,.. Id say required even.. agreeing is not.


To the OP; what works for one couple, may never work for another.. For my wife and I, married, longer then some on this list have been alive..... when one of us wants to do something, we share, we listen we discuss, at times we argue... but in the end.. it's the "wanting ones" decision... and if they decide to go forward, that’s it... Acceptance is sometimes just passive, sometimes supportive, and most times active...
Your partner is not interested in carrying, ok, her choice.... but IMHO, that has little to do with your choice.

[AustinBoy]

I like the seat belt response.

Am I paranoid because I wear a seat belt? Do I think I am going to get in a wreck? no. I wear it just in case.

Am I paranoid because I carry a gun? Do I think I am going to get attacked? no. I carry it just in case.

AB

[rentz]

I've had similar experience at home. Thinks I'm paranoid or freaking out, then I calmly explained that it's just a hobby I have fun when I shoot. I don't think the end is near or everyone is out to get me. She also refuses to go to the range even though I'm sure she would enjoy it. But I don't press the issue.

Sometimes she gives me a hard time if she realizes I'm carrying "oh god you brought that to the grocery store? " and other times she's glad I do...such as walking the dog or going out late.

At the end of the day I just try to keep everything discrete and basically what's my money is my money when it comes to purchases as long as I keep the bills paid without going broke

[danpaw]

When someone convinces me I'm paranoid because I carry the gun, that's when I start leaving the spare tire at home and throw away that fire extinguisher. Really not much need for the smoke alarms either. Lets just go ahead and leave the doors unlocked while we're at it.