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A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, we don't serve your kind here."

The mushroom says, "Aw, come on man, I'm a fungi.”

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’ll have a whisky and ……… soda.’ The bartender says, ‘Why the big pause?’ ‘Dunno,’ says the bear. ‘I’ve always had them.’

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and says to the barman, ‘Have you seen my brother?’ The barman says, ‘I don’t know. What does he look like?’

Two penguins are standing on a iceberg. One penguin says to the other penguin, "you look like you're wearing a tuxedo." The other penguin says, "what makes you think I'm not?"

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says, "where'd you get that?" Parrot says, "France, they've got millions of 'em."

A three legged dog walks into a bar and yells; "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw!"

A guy walked into a bar... and woke up in a hospital.
2 guys walked into a bar, which is silly. You'd think the 2nd guy would have seen it.
3 guys walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and say, "What is this? Some sort of joke?"

After several hours at the bar, these jokes might actually be funny.

I'm thinking I need to go to the bar, or, take the bar or just watch out for the bar.

Better yet, I think I will sit on a bar at a bar while studying for the bar. And ya wonder why people think English is such a screwed up language.

RX8er wrote:I'm thinking I need to go to the bar, or, take the bar or just watch out for the bar.

Better yet, I think I will sit on a bar at a bar while studying for the bar. And ya wonder why people think English is such a screwed up language.

Yes, you threw that one out through and through.

bauer wrote:Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
Too hide in a cherry tree.
Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
See it works.

How did Tarzan die?

Picking cherries.

Jaguar wrote:A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, we don't serve your kind here."

The mushroom says, "Aw, come on man, I'm a fungi.”

Aw I was just gearing up for that one.

Q : What's brown and sticky?

A : A stick.

Two drunks were sitting at a bar at the "Top of the Tower" in Chicago -- "The Windy City".

Suddenly, one of the large picture windows blows out, and a VERY strong wind starts blowing into the bar. After a few minutes of observation, one of the drunks turns to the other and says, "You know, I bet $100 that the wind is blowing so hard, I could take a running leap out that window, and the wind would just blow me around and right back inside."

The second drunk says, "No Way! You're on!"

So the first drunk puts $100 on the bar, then takes a running leap out the window -- sure enough, the wind catches him, blows him around a bit, then right back into the window!

The second drunk is totally stunned. He says, "WOW! That's incredible! Bet you can't do it again!"

Long story short, he does it again.

So the second drunk, after a bit more liquid encouragement says, "OK double or nothing, I bet I can do it too."

So the second drunk takes the longest running jump right out the window... and... YYYAAAAAAaaa --- SPLAT!

The bartender turns to the first drunk and says, "You know, you're a real mean drunk, Superman."

An Aggie walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. The bartender says "where d'you get that?" The pig says "Won him in a raffle."

I'm surprised this thread went two pages before the first Aggie joke shows up. You guys are falling down on the job.

The Annoyed Man wrote:An Aggie walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. The bartender says "where d'you get that?" The pig says "Won him in a raffle."

I'm surprised this thread went two pages before the first Aggie joke shows up. You guys are falling down on the job.

It was tempting, but it' s just too easy to take out "Aggie" and insert "LSU Tiger". I usually take all the LSU jokes and insert "Alabama". But now that the Aggies are in the SEC I guess I'll have double the work!


A Longhorn walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. He says he doesn't want anything, but asks the bartender if he wants to hear an Aggie joke.

The bartender says, "See that man to your left. He is 6'5 and 300 lbs. See that man to your right. He is 6'3 and 280 lbs. I am 6'4 and 275 lbs. You know what we all have in common. We're all Aggies. So do you still want to tell that joke?"

The Longhorn says, "No I guess not. I would'nt want to have to explain it three dang times."

An atom walks into a bar...

The bartender says, “you look sad, what’s wrong.”

The atom says, “I lost an electron today.”

Bartender asks, “are you sure?”

The atom says, “I’m positive.”

What do pirates shoot at golf?
Parrrr!

Did you hear about the pirate boxing champ?
He has a wicked left hook!