Geek Jokes

[WildBill]

Three engineers were riding in a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft software engineer. The car stalled, and they rolled it to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer popped the hood, looked in and said "Look the drive belt is loose. All we have to do is tighten it up and the car will work just fine."

The chemical engineer replied "No, that's all wrong. The problem is fuel contamination. We have to drain the fuel, filter it, and then everything will be okay."

The Microsoft software engineer told the other two "No, I've seen this problem before. We have to get back in the car, close all the windows, shut down the car, get out, get back in, start up the car, open all the windows, and then it will run."

[7075-T7]

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"

The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to sleep.

[Hoi Polloi]

[Warhammer]

A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, "COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He enters and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, "OK, truck drivers aren't nerds."

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

The bartender replied, "Don't worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don't even need a license."

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers - computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em!"

[psijac]

ok, about every one of these need a rim shot wav at the end..

http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sou ... &play=true" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[tacticool]

What's this?

Mercedes Benzene

[KC5AV]

What's this?

Mercedes Benzene

A .jpg.

[terryg]

"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em!"

I did not see that coming!!!

[tacticool]

A .jpg.

So, are you a mathematician or in IT?

[KC5AV]

A .jpg.

So, are you a mathematician or in IT?

I.T.

[WildBill]

"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em!"

I did not see that coming!!!

That's a good one.

[surprise_i'm_armed]

Q. How many computer programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?

A. None - that's a hardware problem.

***************************************************************
If you touch a hot stove for a second, it feels like an hour.

But if you talk with a pretty girl for an hour, it feels like a second.

And that's the theory of relativity.

Albert Einstein.

********************************************************************

SIA

[OldSchool]

If you talk face-to-face with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a second.
If your buddy talks face-to-face with the same pretty girl for a second, it seems like an hour.

Theory of relativity relating to the remote observer....

[apostate]

In the spirit of the Einstein quote:

The Laws of Thermodynamics
1. You can't win.
2. You can't break even.
3. You can't quit the game.



And some poetry:

Once there was a little boy,
But the little boy's no more.
What he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

[Warhammer]

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume. The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.