Mom doesn't like guns

[AlaskanInTexas]

And there have been some comments about how it is irrational to fear an inanimate object. I disagree to some extent on that. There is nothing irrational about having some apprehension around an object that with a few miscues by the wrong person (including yourself) could kill you. I think a little respectful fear is healthy.

There is a difference between fear of misuse and fear of the object in and of itself. Knowing that something can kill or injure you in your ignorance if you misuse it and being afraid of it merely existing are two different things. I have worked with electricity. It can kill you if you don't treat it with the proper respect and I definitely fear what it can do as I've seen the results of it. That doesn't mean I'm afraid to stand next to a piece of equipment energized at high voltage or to have electricity in my home --or to work with it for that matter, when exercising proper safety precautions. My wife has a respectful fear of electricity too and she doesn't work with it because she doesn't know much of anything about it and certainly not enough about it to do so safely.

I have apprehensions about performing a few miscues with a gun so I don't do that. I took the time to educate myself about guns before I handled them. There are a lot of dangerous tools out there and I wouldn't operate any of them without knowing what I was doing. I have a coworker who cut his fingers off with a table saw. Still, I'm not afraid to walk around a workshop full of tools that are just sitting there, including table saws. I wouldn't turn it on and mess with it if I didn't know how to use it. Chainsaws can be very dangerous. I didn't just grab a chainsaw and in complete ignorance try to start using it. I learned about how it operates and what is and is not safe first. But I can sit right next to a chainsaw and it doesn't scare me.

Has your sister ever been stopped by a cop for speeding? Was she quaking when he came up to her window? Is she afraid to violate any traffic laws because being stopped by the police is going to put her inches away from a gun? A big visible gun. Does she start to panic and turn around and leave if a cop stands next to her in line at the coffee shop or grocery store? If so, maybe's she is really phobic. If not she doesn't have a phobia she has a preference. I fell from a height when I was very young and I have acrophobia. A phobia is fear that is uncontrollable. It prevents normal functioning. Someone that really had a gun phobia would be having a panic attack during a traffic stop. Gun phobia that doesn't include the kind of reactions I mention...not buying it.

I think you might be over thinking this. Or at least are being a little extreme. Lots of people are afraid of guns - it is far from unusual. I'm not a psychologist or a philosopher, so I can't say whether it is a phobia or not; I doubt it is in most people (as I said earlier). But it is genuine, and we ought to show some respect to those who feel differently than we do, even if we think their risk assessment if faulty.

[VMI77]

And there have been some comments about how it is irrational to fear an inanimate object. I disagree to some extent on that. There is nothing irrational about having some apprehension around an object that with a few miscues by the wrong person (including yourself) could kill you. I think a little respectful fear is healthy.

There is a difference between fear of misuse and fear of the object in and of itself. Knowing that something can kill or injure you in your ignorance if you misuse it and being afraid of it merely existing are two different things. I have worked with electricity. It can kill you if you don't treat it with the proper respect and I definitely fear what it can do as I've seen the results of it. That doesn't mean I'm afraid to stand next to a piece of equipment energized at high voltage or to have electricity in my home --or to work with it for that matter, when exercising proper safety precautions. My wife has a respectful fear of electricity too and she doesn't work with it because she doesn't know much of anything about it and certainly not enough about it to do so safely.

I have apprehensions about performing a few miscues with a gun so I don't do that. I took the time to educate myself about guns before I handled them. There are a lot of dangerous tools out there and I wouldn't operate any of them without knowing what I was doing. I have a coworker who cut his fingers off with a table saw. Still, I'm not afraid to walk around a workshop full of tools that are just sitting there, including table saws. I wouldn't turn it on and mess with it if I didn't know how to use it. Chainsaws can be very dangerous. I didn't just grab a chainsaw and in complete ignorance try to start using it. I learned about how it operates and what is and is not safe first. But I can sit right next to a chainsaw and it doesn't scare me.

Has your sister ever been stopped by a cop for speeding? Was she quaking when he came up to her window? Is she afraid to violate any traffic laws because being stopped by the police is going to put her inches away from a gun? A big visible gun. Does she start to panic and turn around and leave if a cop stands next to her in line at the coffee shop or grocery store? If so, maybe's she is really phobic. If not she doesn't have a phobia she has a preference. I fell from a height when I was very young and I have acrophobia. A phobia is fear that is uncontrollable. It prevents normal functioning. Someone that really had a gun phobia would be having a panic attack during a traffic stop. Gun phobia that doesn't include the kind of reactions I mention...not buying it.

I think you might be over thinking this. Or at least are being a little extreme. Lots of people are afraid of guns - it is far from unusual. I'm not a psychologist or a philosopher, so I can't say whether it is a phobia or not; I doubt it is in most people (as I said earlier). But it is genuine, and we ought to show some respect to those who feel differently than we do, even if we think their risk assessment if faulty.

I'd like to say my reaction to that is like Sam in "Ronin" but I someone has told me that before (the over thinking part).

One of the reasons I suck as a teacher is probably because I don't have any respect for stupid. No offense, but being afraid of guns in the manner we're discussing is just as ridiculous as being afraid of kitchen knives or screwdrivers. Such a fear is not merely the product of ignorance because it doesn't require any particular knowledge or intellectual ability not to be afraid of guns. It does require someone to get over themselves. I also don't give two hoots for the "feelings" of all the special snowflakes out there.

Being fully human means being more than and being better than your feelings and fears. That doesn't mean you don't experience them, just that you don't deny reality and logic to give into them. Feelings do not entitle people to respect. I'm not saying you shouldn't consider another person's feelings...there is a time and place for that. And I say this as someone who is more sentimental and more a victim of my feelings as I age than I've ever been. It doesn't exactly fit the discussion but I see it sort of like this:

“Feeling good about yourself is not the same thing as doing good. Good policy is more important than good feelings.”
― Theodore Dalrymple

[Richbirdhunter]

Since you respect your moms wishes not carry a gun in her house, does she respect your wishes and carry one when she visits you?

[txglock21]

I guess I'm lucky to not have to deal with this situation. My dad was a CHL holder up until his death about two years ago. Even though my mom has never even fired (maybe held) a gun before, she has no problem with me, my brother or my stepfather carrying in her house or around her. Since I don't have to deal with this issue, I am thinking on how I "would" deal with it if that was the case. I guess I would not carry in her house, but would everywhere else around her such as going out to eat together, etc.. I'm guessing unless she flat out ask me if was carrying, she probably wouldn't know anyway.

[mloamiller]

I've seen a lot of responses about how different people would handle carrying at their mom's house given this scenario. What about the reverse - would you do anything differently when you mom comes to your house?

[txglock21]

I've seen a lot of responses about how different people would handle carrying at their mom's house given this scenario. What about the reverse - would you do anything differently when you mom comes to your house?

Nope.

[John Galt]

This made me think about my Mom who used to dove and pheasant hunt.

[ScooterSissy]

... I have to be honest about gun phobias; I don't believe they exist with any normal sane person. Fear is not the same thing as a phobia and fear can be overcome, if one desires.

I'm glad you said that part, because it meshes with my view.
My mother has also passed, and I think that though she was silent on the issue, had I ever asked, she would likely have asked me to leave the gun out of her house. I never asked.

Had she told me on her own that she didn't want it, I would have honored her request, simply because she's my mother, and I would have still wanted to see her that much.

However, much like her support of a particular Presidential candidate, the issue would have certainly been a topic of conversation on each visit. I wouldn't have jokingly teased her about the gun position the way I did about her Presidential choice, simply because I would have been striving to actually change her mind.

However, I would have regularly pointed out that she's not in the best part of town (she wasn't), and protection against intruders would be nice - that she should take advantage of having armed protection for free when I'm there.

[cnielson79]

My mom doesn't visit my house, because she doesn't like what goes on there and there is no latitude for her or any other liberal, hippy, Obama Supporting nut!

[AJSully421]

My mom has a CHL.

[lildave40]

When I received my chl My mom was at my house. I was proud to have gotten it and showed it to her. She laughed and told me I am turning into a gun toting Red Neck like all my friends, and if she ever needed one she was going to call me. I told her if she did ever need it she would not have time to call me. I further went on to explain it is not just about owning a gun it is educating oneself on the responsibilities of ownership and protecting your love ones. She starts her training Saturday with an instructor.

[fickman]

I believe my parents are slightly older than OP, so my experience with my grandma is probably the best parallel. I've had a few interesting exchanges:

Mom
Conservative politically but not an activist. I believe she represents a huge population of suburban Republicans who support gun rights in the abstract but get uncomfortable and resistant when somebody in their circle starts purchasing / carrying. They have no problems with deer rifles and grandpa's shotgun, but handguns are unfamiliar. She never banned them, but still uses the logically fallacious "I'm n years old and have never needed a gun." I explain all of the time that people don't need fire insurance until they do. Or burglar alarms. She has an interesting contradiction that I have a BIL in LE who she gives a mental pass for carrying, even off duty. Recently she went through a community police officer training program that included time on the firing range and she fell in love with the AR15 (and did quite well with it, too). She had never shot a gun in her life before that, and would have never if it wasn't part of an "official" police program. She wouldn't buy one, but I guarantee you she'd shoot recreation ally if we were out at family land. She's softened over the years as other family members, including my wife and another BIL have gotten CHLs, but she still thinks carrying a handgun is silly (except for the off duty LEO).

FIL
Almost a full-blown anti, but has never asked us not to carry. Just rolls his eyes when the subject comes up. Will plink with an air rifle of .22, would potentially shoot trap, but that's it. I respect that he doesn't try to impose despite his personal beliefs.

Wife's grandpa
As conservative as they come in the voting booth, but not a fan of firearms, for no particular reason. He once specifically instructed me not to bring my CCW on a camping trip. I obliged only because we were going to a National Park back in 2007 in his vehicle, so I had nowhere to store the gun. I"ll carry deep conceal at his house because he has never asked us not to carry there.

My grandma
Handguns are for cops, and she's lived 90 years without needing one. We just don't need those silly things. She's not an anti. She's never asked me not to carry, but she'd pat me on the arm and say something like, "You don't need that."

*************
I understand OPs position. My grandma and my wife's grandpa aren't making logical arguments for me to counter. . . and there is no avenue to changing their minds. None. Actually, I take that back. If my wife or I ever had to use a firearm in defense of our kid's lives, and everything worked out perfectly, they might agree. Outside of that, their position is set. Starting a debate would upset them more than the topic itself - they don't have the demeanor for a point / counter-point argument. If you make a point, they'll reply with "Well, I never needed one" or some other abstract statement. If you come back again, it would be upsetting to them. I respect them too much to do that. They are sweet, loving, family-oriented, God-oriented, great people. They just aren't familiar with citizens carrying handguns and are unlikely to be swayed.