Page 1 of 1

BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 2:25 pm
by The Annoyed Man
Enjoy!!

Ingredients:

1 c. butter
1 c. sugar
4 lg. eggs
2 lb. dried fruit
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. soda
1 tsp. salt
Lemon juice
1 c. brown sugar
5 c. nuts
3 c. mixed candied fruit
1-2 qt. whiskey

Directions:

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead, select a large mixing bowl, measure cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second quart if it is necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups of fried druit and beat until high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry loose with a screw driver.

Sample the whiskey again, thecking for tonsicity, then sift 12 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whiskey. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you can find and mix well. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the whiskey again and bo to ged.

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 2:31 pm
by DONT TREAD ON ME
"rlol"

That brought back some memories of how I used to cook in college.

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 2:44 pm
by cougartex
"rlol" "rlol"

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 2:44 pm
by SQLGeek
:smilelol5:

Oh my goodness I'm dying here.... took a drink of diet coke to try and keep the giggles down and nearly hosed my monitor down.

Where does one find a babblespoon? :smilelol5:

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 2:52 pm
by The Annoyed Man
SQLGeek wrote::smilelol5:

Oh my goodness I'm dying here.... took a drink of diet coke to try and keep the giggles down and nearly hosed my monitor down.

Where does one find a babblespoon? :smilelol5:
They're easy to spot, right after you theck che whiskey for tonsicity.

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 3:00 pm
by Keith B
I sure hope none of you are 'baking and carrying' :nono:

:mrgreen:

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 3:59 pm
by joe817
"rlol" "rlol" "rlol" :smilelol5: :smilelol5: :smilelol5: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh my gosh! That is soooooo funny! I'm sending that to wifey so she can post it on facebooks, or what ever that silly thing she does! I love it!

TAM, where'd you come up with that? It's a classic worth saving! :tiphat: "rlol" "rlol" "rlol" "rlol"

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 5:53 pm
by The Annoyed Man
joe817 wrote:"rlol" "rlol" "rlol" :smilelol5: :smilelol5: :smilelol5: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh my gosh! That is soooooo funny! I'm sending that to wifey so she can post it on facebooks, or what ever that silly thing she does! I love it!

TAM, where'd you come up with that? It's a classic worth saving! :tiphat: "rlol" "rlol" "rlol" "rlol"
It actually IS a classic. The first time I saw it, the interwebs weren't really available to most folks yet, and it was on a photocopied sheet being passed around the office.

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 11:01 am
by 7075-T7
Keith B wrote:I sure hope none of you are 'baking and carrying' :nono:

:mrgreen:

PURSUANT TO SECTION 30.14, PENAL CODE (CRIMINAL BAKING BY HOLDER OF A LICENSE TO CARRY A CONCEALED HANDGUN) A PERSON LICENSED UNDER SUBCHAPTER H, CHAPTER 411, GOVERNMENT CODE (CONCEALED HANDGUN LAW), MAY NOT MAKE THIS FRUITCAKE WITH A CONCEALED HANDGUN.

CONFORME A A lA SECCION 30,14, CODIGO PENAL (CRIMINAL QUE HORNEA POR POSEEDOR DE UNA LICENCIA PARA LLEVAR UNA PISTOLA OCULTADA) UNA PERSONA LICENCIO BAJO SUBCHAPTER H, El CAPITULO 411, CODIGO DE GOBIERNO (OCULTO LA LEY DE PISTOLA), MAYO NO HACE ESTE VENTA DE GARAGE CON UNA PISTOLA OCULTADA

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 4:17 pm
by The Annoyed Man
7075-T7 wrote:
Keith B wrote:I sure hope none of you are 'baking and carrying' :nono:

:mrgreen:

PURSUANT TO SECTION 30.14, PENAL CODE (CRIMINAL BAKING BY HOLDER OF A LICENSE TO CARRY A CONCEALED HANDGUN) A PERSON LICENSED UNDER SUBCHAPTER H, CHAPTER 411, GOVERNMENT CODE (CONCEALED HANDGUN LAW), MAY NOT MAKE THIS FRUITCAKE WITH A CONCEALED HANDGUN.

CONFORME A A lA SECCION 30,14, CODIGO PENAL (CRIMINAL QUE HORNEA POR POSEEDOR DE UNA LICENCIA PARA LLEVAR UNA PISTOLA OCULTADA) UNA PERSONA LICENCIO BAJO SUBCHAPTER H, El CAPITULO 411, CODIGO DE GOBIERNO (OCULTO LA LEY DE PISTOLA), MAYO NO HACE ESTE VENTA DE GARAGE CON UNA PISTOLA OCULTADA
I believe that is the correct wording for a "30.Old No. 7" sign....
:mrgreen:

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 7:30 am
by 7075-T7
The Annoyed Man wrote:I believe that is the correct wording for a "30.Old No. 7" sign....
:mrgreen:
"rlol" "rlol" "rlol"

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 11:34 am
by redlin67
I copied the recipe and sent it to my wife. Of course I will volunteer to be the cook. :reddevil

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 3:51 pm
by StewNTexas
Sounds like a great receipe, but maybe a little hard to duplicate exactly.

I would not hang around too long waiting for Bobby Flay to show up for a 'Throwdown' though, I don't think this would translate to something a New Yorker would understand.

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 12:25 pm
by tacticool
My mom has a similar recipe for rum balls.

Re: BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER

Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 8:52 am
by bdickens
You owe me a new keyboard!