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I was going to reply to BE's thread:


But I didn't want to continue to hijack his thread. To summarize, I have had very similar struggles transitioning my wife into accepting my new SD mindset without pressuring.

So anyway my wife and I are getting ready this morning and she tells me she is ready to go to the range.
And then that she may be getting ready to get a gun for her! (She thinks maybe a revolver.)

This has been, of course, a slow transition - but then it has been for me also. I have wanted a CHL for a while, but let other priorities come first for years. I finally did it this past summer to make it easier to travel with one (even though it came in the mail one day too late). I figured I would carry some, but I didn't plan to carry as much as possible like I do now (I still can't carry to/from work). So it has been an evolution for me as well - you guys have slowly corrupted my psyche.

But anyway - back to this revelation. I may have a short business trip coming at the end of November or early December - so we recently talked, again, about how it would be a good idea for us to go to the range before that trip. But we have this conversation before each trip (1-3 per year) and she always agrees that she should, but never wants to find the time (we are quite busy with two teenage girls).

So what changed? Well, I think one thing is that most of the time I am packing now - even when lounging around the house. I think maybe she sees first hand that guns don't go just randomly go bang - so perhaps her first response of fear at the sight of them is leveling out. (I remember a few months ago watching her tense up as I just slid the gun into the holster on my hip.) I think the other is recent home invasion stories on the news - including the horrible one in CT but also more local ones like the recent Pearland murder.

Then, to top it off, last night we watched 'Chase' and there was a pretty violent beating as part of the story. So last night she dreams that we are attending an event in Peyton Mannings house (seriously!) when BG's break in. Now #18 has a gun, but it doesn't work and so he gets worked over pretty good, apparently. Now, at 2 something this morning, she woke me up and had me sweep the house - so I knew it had scared her pretty good. But I had no idea it would factor in to changing her desire to get some training.

I guess I will have to see if it sticks. (Too bad the CHL forum day is this weekend!). But if it does stick and she still wants to go the range soon, I guess I have Peyton Manning to thank?!?

Edited to correct my Bald Eagle acronym from BA to BE. I guess I have the A-Team on my mind ...

BTW, I think she might shoot me if she knew I was sharing this story here.

Terryg, I don't think that your story would have been a hijack of Bald Eagle's thead. Unless I'm mistaken, a hijack occurs when someone grabs hold of a small fact in a post and drives the thread to an entirely different subject. I suppose (hope) that BE's intent was to share his situation and find others who had similar ones. If not, then I'm guilty of hijacking, too. That wasn't my intention there or here.

I'm very pleased for you and your wife's situation. And, I'll admit, a little envious. We are no where near ready to go to the range or have my wife apply for her CHL. We have made some strides in that her closest friend just received her plastic and that seed has fallen on fertile ground. We'll just have to see what grows over the coming weeks and months.

You did say something that I specifically want to comment on.

So what changed? Well, I think one thing is that most of the time I am packing now - even when lounging around the house. I think maybe she sees first hand that guns don't go just randomly go bang - so perhaps her first response of fear at the sight of them is leveling out. (I remember a few months ago watching her tense up as I just slid the gun into the holster on my hip.)

My guess is that many wives share this problem. I said in BE's thread and I'll say again here that comfort and familiarity seem to be big factors in acceptance - and that those two issues may go far beyond just wives. A gun is like a power tool to many women who have never been around either of them. They have a useful purpose but, in the wrong hands and handled improperly, they can be devastating. I have no intention of trying to help my wife become comfortable using my radial arm saw but, as of this moment, her handling a handgun is just about as remote an idea to her. This is not a MCP comment as I know many women who are as competent with power tools as I am but it isn't every woman who was given a chance to become familiar and comfortable with them.

I'm hoping to take a different path. I want to get my wife used to shooting a long gun. I have a .22 that would be perfect route to that end. My devious plan is to let her shoot my .22 pistol afterwards. I'm hoping to overcome the familliarity path that way but I suspect it may be months. If I did put the 9mm in her hands tomorrow, I fear it would be the last time that she would ever touch it.

I've been watching the LCP thread carefully. I had originally throught that might be the way to go. My wife got to handle one of those recently and was impressed. But, I suspect, if she got to the range with the LCP, any comfort level she had would end quickly.

Do keep us posted on your progress. You might offer several us who have not been as successful as you have been better ideas about how to proceed.

Chas

Thanks Chas. Fortunately, I have a .22 Ruger Standard pistol. It's a perfect starting point for a pistol - almost no kick and very low boom factor.

chasfm11 wrote:My guess is that many wives share this problem. I said in BE's thread and I'll say again here that comfort and familiarity seem to be big factors in acceptance

I think you are dead on. I knew she was afraid of guns. But the ah-ha moment hit me that day when she visibly jumped as I slid the gun into the holster. I have had her handle the guns, unloaded, before. But I didn't connect the difference. She became more comfortable handling them unloaded - with me right there. But that doesn't translate to being comfortable around them while they are loaded. It makes since in hindsight.

But since then, she has bumped into it and touched it while it was on my hip a few times with no visible reaction.

Great story.

I was floored this weekend when my brother-in-law and his wife (My wife's sister) told me they were now thinking they needed CHLs. The brother-in-law and I went through carry options, what I carry, what the wife has...etc. He grew up a farmer so had no problems with guns as hunting, varmint control tools. But did not have the SD mindset. My sister-in-law grew up with her dad taking guns on vacation and knew I always had one when she vacationed with us as a young woman.

Both knew I had one on except when in trunks at the beach, and then knew there was one close. But I gues she either was indiferent and figured her hand to hand skills would get her out of most situations (she is good but then so was I once upon a time), maybe she was dependant on those around her. So I asked her what made her want to keep one at the house and carry one. It appears some incidents in McKinney (she lives across from the police station practically) and their "safe" little enclave, coupled with the fact both her sister and I have carried around them constantly and were "normal". Maybe one to many anecdotes from my work, I dunno. But something gelled and now they are actively pursuing this course.

BTW, during the conversation, my brother in law asked if it was hard to conceal. I stood up and asked, "Looking at me, would you suspect me to be carrying a full sized Glock?" He and his wife were shaking there head. I asked, "Am I." Then he said, "Well knowing you there is an extremely high probability, but I can't tell." So I showed them. He grinned and she went .

I still haven't gotten my wife to the range, but I've had my license for 8 months now and my wife has become used to me always being armed, even when lounging around the house.

She still sometimes teases me, like this past Saturday when I had to "change pistols" from my 1911 to my J-Frame because my 1911 was printing through the Texas Rangers t-shirt I wanted to wear. She often asks me, "Do you really think that a shoot-out is going to occur at the such-and-such place we're going?"

I always just grin and reply, "You never know when ninjas will attack."

MojoTexas

MojoTexas wrote:I still haven't gotten my wife to the range, but I've had my license for 8 months now and my wife has become used to me always being armed, even when lounging around the house.

She still sometimes teases me, like this past Saturday when I had to "change pistols" from my 1911 to my J-Frame because my 1911 was printing through the Texas Rangers t-shirt I wanted to wear. She often asks me, "Do you really think that a shoot-out is going to occur at the such-and-such place we're going?"

I always just grin and reply, "You never know when ninjas will attack."

MojoTexas

I do, and always have, subscribed to the mantra, "If I was expecting trouble I'd stay home."

Funny how much dreams mean to some women (I know from experience growing up with 2 sisters and my mom). If only there was some way to exploit that...

MadMonkey wrote:Funny how much dreams mean to some women (I know from experience growing up with 2 sisters and my mom). If only there was some way to exploit that...

True - but usually we get the raw end of the stick instead. I remember a survey that revealed many (most?) married women have had a dream where their husband cheated and they were mad at them for days.

MadMonkey wrote:If only there was some way to exploit that...

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=mO2TicNbi1c[/youtube]

I've been blessed that my wife comes from a family of gun owners and hunters..most of whom have a CHL.
You should see some of their collections.

Anyway, although my wife has yet to get her own CHL, she knows her way around firearms.
She goes to the range with me, she has her own gun, and she's a darn good shot.

I never get the "eye roll" from her. She actually says she feels safer knowing that I am
armed and encourages me to visit the range often to stay proficient...I can't argue with that.

BTW terryg , if you had been wearing pink bicycle shorts in her dream, then I'd worry.

USA1 wrote:BTW terryg , if you had been wearing pink bicycle shorts in her dream, then I'd worry.

What's so unusual about that? Nobody ever sees them under my jeans ...

terryg wrote:

USA1 wrote:BTW terryg , if you had been wearing pink bicycle shorts in her dream, then I'd worry.

What's so unusual about that? Nobody ever sees them under my jeans ...

I'm glad you're a good sport.

My wife has become more receptive as well.

A daly bombardment with the local headlines and a pointing out of potential situations to be aware of has help alot. Chase, Blue Bloods and other shows provide scenerios for discussion.

Every day it seems a bank is being robbed and not just the stand alones....Banks inside grocery stores or armored trucks outside Wal Mart etc.

She still chooses to remain unarmed but I have her practicing situational awareness at all times. No talking on the phone (being distracted) while transiting the parking lot, wait for the armored truck to leave before approaching a store, making eye contact with people outside etc. She is more aware of table locations in restaurants, secondary exits, "No second locations" in case of attack and the use of her vehicle as a weapon if necessary.

She understands what to do if I have to defend us while we are out. She knows where to walk when we are together and where to move if there is a threat. We have discussed what she should be doing if we are confronted with mulitple aggressors and she knows to wait for legal representation and not to "help me" with the police if I have to stop a threat.

She has become a skilled shotgunner for home defense as well.

My goal was never to make her affraid or paranoid but to simply be aware and have a plan at all times.

My next goal is to get her shooting a handgun....if nothing more than learning how to use mine in the event I am removed from the fight. That.....will take some more work!