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I was out at the range last night shooting with some friends. On my way home my wife asked me to pickup some milk. I've only had my CHL a few days and this was my first opportunity to go into a store by myself. As I got close to home I pulled into the local Tom Thumb supermarket.

The gun was still in the case from leaving the range, so I holstered up in my vehicle in the car park. I felt like I was being watched. The guy working the carts looked at me when I was sitting in the car, another guy getting into his nearby truck looked at me. When I got out of the car, the employee looked at me again. Feeling really paranoid right now!

The gun suddenly feels very heavy as I walk to the store. As I get inside, I see everyone seems to be looking at me, people at the checkouts, other customers, employees stacking shelves! Why are they all looking at me?? I have to walk to the far corner of the store to get the milk. The weight of the gun seems to have doubled. I feel like everyone that is looking at me knows my secret!

I grab two gallons of milk and now i'm thinking, what happens if someone attacks me? Maybe i should have used a cart to keep my hands free. Now I'm on even higher alert, watching everyone to make sure there's no one suspicious following me!!

I get to the checkout and the operator is super nice to me. Did he see it? Is he scared of me knowing I am armed? He bags the milk, runs to get a club card to scan (I left mine at home) just so i can get the discount. He knows, he must know...i'm sure he can see it, everyone can. What was I thinking? This gun is too big to conceal (XDm 45 3.8" Compact, not really that big!), maybe I should have bought a smaller gun?

I get out of the store and back to the safety of my car and the paranoia subsides.

That was yesterday and now as I look back at it, the event was no different than every other time I have been to the store. The only difference was my alertness. I just noticed a lot more of my surroundings and the people that I would normally pass without any thought.

words of gun wisdom
I make a quote from Massad Ayoob

“The power of a gun is never ignored, no matter how accustomed one becomes to the weight on his hip. A man carrying a gun for the first time is acutely, even uncomfortable aware of its presents. After a time, he ceases to notice both the weight and the responsibility not because he has forgot then them but because they have both assimilated into his bearing and demeanor”

From his book “in gravest extreme” chapter 11 under discretion

My first all day experience happened on Saturday.

I did not tell my wife that I was carrying, she doesn't even know that I have my CHL yet. I plan to tell her this week. The reason i did not tell her was I wanted to see if she would notice anything at all. she did not see or say anything all day.

We went to the Chrysler dealer to drop off my car for Check engine light. Next we went to Home Depot for the Kids Craft day. That one felt a bit weird since there were a lot of families there and I was paranoid someone would notice and freak out!!

Then we went to Costco for a few things and finished off the day out with the weekly shopping back at Tom Thumb.

Over all, apart from Home Depot, I felt a lot more comfortable compared to my first trip out. Still very cautious though, watching everyone & everything going on, which is a lot harder when you have kids to keep an eye on too!

The feeling of being "wrong" for carrying in public will subside in time.

Now I feel naked if I'm not carrying.

The alertness is good though. It always pays to be observant, and can keep you from winding up in a situation where you might have to use your CHL.

Congrats on the plastic, and thanks for the "tom thumb" walk report!