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Driving Rules for Amarillo, Texas:

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Am-a-rilla".

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Amarillo has its own version of traffic rules....the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.)

3. To find anything in Amarillo it is required that you know where the "Old Sears Building" is... which the alpha and Omega is. The beginning and the end.

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

6. You must know that the "E-Way", "Canyon E-Way" "Canyon Drive", "I-27S"
and Hwy60, are the same road.

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Amarillo. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night
to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.

9. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".

10. The minimum acceptable speed on the "Canyon E-Way (see above) is 85 mph. anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Texas's version of NASCAR.

11. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.

12. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55 zone... you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

14. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

15. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the spring Fun Fest is in full swing.
(That should show how old this joke is. FunFest has been gone for years. )

Thanks for posting this.

I've been in central Texas for a few years now but grew up in Canyon and got a few chuckles out of this list.

Hilarious! And scarily true! The part about moving the construction barrels at night.....someone has actually been doing that the last couple of weeks. And I've lived here 15 years and I don't even know where the Old Sears building is.

Dont forget the loose gravel the city loves to throw everywhere, the potholes, the motorcycle cops out during winter, or rear ending someone because they are gawking at that hideous and rediculous cadillac ranch

I see the Houston driving guidelines apply across Texas.

Two observations I've made here:

1) Wreckers like to try and create their own business.

2) When changing lanes, there is no space too small.

SQLGeek wrote:I see the Houston driving guidelines apply across Texas.

Two observations I've made here:

1) Wreckers like to try and create their own business.

2) When changing lanes, there is no space too small.

Another noticeable observation is the left lane is for talking on the cell phone or texting. You can also use the left lane for "Driving in Formation". You know, get alongside a car and stay there for long periods of time without passing.

MegaWatt wrote:

SQLGeek wrote: You can also use the left lane for "Driving in Formation". You know, get alongside a car and stay there for long periods of time without passing.

I always refer to that as a Texas Roadblock. I thought Austin drivers perfected that one...

jsenner wrote:

MegaWatt wrote:

SQLGeek wrote: You can also use the left lane for "Driving in Formation". You know, get alongside a car and stay there for long periods of time without passing.

I always refer to that as a Texas Roadblock. I thought Austin drivers perfected that one...

I find it ironic the Texas Highway Dept. puts the "Left Lane For Passing Only" signs on the right side of the road. Not that the "Road Blockers" would actually read them or abide by them if they were on the left. The only way to stop it is to start giving out tickets and make the fine the same as 15 over the speed limit. To entice police to actually give tickets

Songbird wrote:Hilarious! And scarily true! The part about moving the construction barrels at night.....someone has actually been doing that the last couple of weeks. And I've lived here 15 years and I don't even know where the Old Sears building is.

At Sunset hills mall!!! (I think!)