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HAHAHAHA Gotta love the Help Desk (I can say this now because I no longer run the Help Desk ). One of our employees locked themselves out of their voicemail by entering the wrong password too many times. Well it took her 4 phone calls and 2 emails over 3 days with the last being a message to the help desk to call her back but don't leave voice mail because she can't access it. Well this morning she received this call from the help desk:

Help Desk - I received a message that you are locked out of your voicemail. We called you about it earlier this morning but you didn't answer so we left you a voicemail. Are you still having problems?
Employee - Yes. I can't log in to retrieve my messages any more so I couldn't get your message asking if I could now get my messages...
Help Desk - Oh... Well maybe your voicemail is not setup. Let me put you ob hold and check...
Employee - (pounding head on desk)
Help Desk - Well it looks like you are setup for voicemail so you should be able to receive messages. Can you access your voicemail now?
Employee - No I am still locked out. I have entered the wrong password too many times.
Help Desk - Oh... You know if you enter the wrong password 3 times it will lock you out of your account. Have you been entering the wrong password?
Employee - siiigghhhh yes.
Help Desk - Oh yes that will cause a problem. Let me reset that for you. Okay you should be able to access your voicemail now.
Employee - Yes fine thanks
Help Desk - No Problem that's what we are here for to help...

HAHAHAHAHAHA My fellow employees are learning how good they had it before the merger

Brings back a memory

Zyxel Modem ... IBM OS/2 Operating System


Long Distance calls to California from Houston.

To IBM:
ME: I need the driver to make a Zyxel modem work on OS/2 and all that was included on the driver disk from Zyxel was one for DOS.

IBM Customer Support: There is one on the IBM OS/2 driver website you can download

ME: I can't connect to download it until I have the modem driver ...

IBM Customer Support: Contact Zyxel to mail you the diskette with the correct driver

To Zyxel:
ME: I need the driver to make your modem work on OS/2 and all that was included on the driver disk was one for DOS.

Zyxel support: The driver is available for download on our website.

ME: What's the best way to connect to your website without a modem because the modem won't work until I have a driver.

======================

That and "Windows Update" is why most people use "Winduhs" instead of superior operating systems

RPB wrote:

Brings back a memory

Zyxel Modem ... IBM OS/2 Operating System


Long Distance calls to California from Houston.

To IBM:
ME: I need the driver to make a Zyxel modem work on OS/2 and all that was included on the driver disk from Zyxel was one for DOS.

IBM Customer Support: There is one on the IBM OS/2 driver website you can download

ME: I can't connect to download it until I have the modem driver ...

IBM Customer Support: Contact Zyxel to mail you the diskette with the correct driver

To Zyxel:
ME: I need the driver to make your modem work on OS/2 and all that was included on the driver disk was one for DOS.

Zyxel support: The driver is available for download on our website.

ME: What's the best way to connect to your website without a modem because the modem won't work until I have a driver.

That sounds like when you call X-xxxxx tech support and while you're waiting the recording suggests checking the website. If my internet connection was working, I wouldn't be calling tech support for help to fix it.

Syntyr wrote:HAHAHAHA Gotta love the Help Desk (I can say this now because I no longer run the Help Desk ). One of our employees locked themselves out of their voicemail by entering the wrong password too many times. Well it took her 4 phone calls and 2 emails over 3 days with the last being a message to the help desk to call her back but don't leave voice mail because she can't access it. Well this morning she received this call from the help desk:

Help Desk - I received a message that you are locked out of your voicemail. We called you about it earlier this morning but you didn't answer so we left you a voicemail. Are you still having problems?
Employee - Yes. I can't log in to retrieve my messages any more so I couldn't get your message asking if I could now get my messages...
Help Desk - Oh... Well maybe your voicemail is not setup. Let me put you ob hold and check...
Employee - (pounding head on desk)
Help Desk - Well it looks like you are setup for voicemail so you should be able to receive messages. Can you access your voicemail now?
Employee - No I am still locked out. I have entered the wrong password too many times.
Help Desk - Oh... You know if you enter the wrong password 3 times it will lock you out of your account. Have you been entering the wrong password?
Employee - siiigghhhh yes.
Help Desk - Oh yes that will cause a problem. Let me reset that for you. Okay you should be able to access your voicemail now.
Employee - Yes fine thanks
Help Desk - No Problem that's what we are here for to help...

HAHAHAHAHAHA My fellow employees are learning how good they had it before the merger

My favorite is when they haven't really helped you with anything at all, and they ask "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Which draws my reply, "Since you haven't helped with anything yet, how do you define "else"?" They get real confused on that, except the ones who obviously fail to help a lot, who have ready canned answers.

jimlongley wrote:My favorite is when they haven't really helped you with anything at all, and they ask "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Which draws my reply, "Since you haven't helped with anything yet, how do you define "else"?" They get real confused on that, except the ones who obviously fail to help a lot, who have ready canned answers.

I'm on the other side of the spectrum, I do product tech support for a major gun and outdoors dealer.

First of all, "Is there anything else I can help you with" is code for "Get off my phone, you idiot, you're killing my average call time with your inane questions".

My number one UNSPOKEN line to customers is "here, let me Google that for you".

Out of any five given calls I receive, one actually has a valid product question, two just called to chat about guns with no intention of buying anything, one can't understand why "this thing made for ABC won't fit my XYZ", and one has only a vague clue of what they want, and they're looking for someone to hold their hand and take them shopping and make their decisions for them.

But my all time favorite call went like this:

CALLER: Ah, yeah I'm looking for an inflatable camoflau [garbled cell phone noise] ..oat

ME: Yes sir, we have inflatable boats. What are you planning to use it for so I can suggest one?

CALLER: Ah, not boat. Goat.

I was afraid to ask...

I always seem to have the one issue that derails their script. It's happened too many times.

Latest one is my HP printer will not stay connected to my HP CPU wirelessly. It will work for a day or two then it will not make the jump.

I call tech support and they walk me through the usual questions, drivers, serial numbers, etc. then take over my computer remotely and do their magic all the way from India. (Don't get me wrong, I don't personally have anything against Indians, I just have a hard time talking with them.) They punch the magic buttons, download the latest-greatest driver (or the old generic), and it prints. I hang up and go about my business...until it jumps IP addresses again.

I call tech support and they walk me through the usual questions, drivers, serial numbers, etc. then take over my computer remotely and do their magic all the way from India. (Don't get me wrong, I don't personally have anything against Indians, I just have a hard time talking with them.) They punch the magic buttons, download the latest-greatest driver (or the old generic), and it prints. I hang up and go about my business...until it jumps IP addresses again.

I call tech support and they walk me through the usual questions, drivers, serial numbers, etc. then take over my computer remotely and do their magic all the way from India. (Don't get me wrong, I don't personally have anything against Indians, I just have a hard time talking with them.) They punch the magic buttons, download the latest-greatest driver (or the old generic), and it prints. I hang up and go about my business...until it jumps IP addresses again.

After about the third time I tell them my story, they read the call logs, and I explain their fix is not working so can I be escalated to someone higher up.

They walk me through the usual questions, drivers, serial numbers, etc. then take over my computer remotely and do their magic all the way from India. (Don't get me wrong, I don't personally have anything against Indians, I just have a hard time talking with them.) They punch the magic buttons, download the latest-greatest driver (or the old generic), and it prints. I hang up and go about my business...until it jumps IP addresses again.

AND then tell me it is a special problem, they are working on it and I will be contacted within 10 days with a solution.

Time passes, no call, I've been busy, haven't printed until I need to print out some documents concerning a house we are trying to buy. NO PRINTER.

I call tech support and they walk me through the usual questions, drivers, serial numbers, etc. then take over my computer remotely and do their magic all the way from India. (Don't get me wrong, I don't personally have anything against Indians, I just have a hard time talking with them.) They punch the magic buttons, download the latest-greatest driver (or the old generic), and it prints. I hang up and go about my business...until it jumps IP addresses again.

This has been over 10 hours on Tech Support calls and I keep having the same problem. I finally start calling and sending e-mails to every number and address I can find, including the CEO. Someone finally listened and I got the Skunkworks of HP (so I assume) who

Walk me through the usual questions, drivers, serial numbers, etc. then take over my computer remotely and do their magic all the way from Canada, much easier to understand to this west Texas boy. They punch the magic buttons, download the latest-greatest driver (or the old generic), and it prints. They now know there is a real problem (their previous techs messed up something major) but they don't know the answer so I have an appointment to call them back so they will have the solution. I hang up and go about my business...until it jumps IP addresses again. BUT, now I know how to fix it myself so I can keep patching it until we have a real solution.

We'll see if Marie has the fix on the 28th.

I have a good story. In a galaxy long, long ago I had just bought a new modem but was having a problem. Called the tech support line about 10pm. Turns out they've been bought out by another company and I have to call that company. Called them and explained the problem.

Tech: We just received the support manuals for those modems but they're all locked up in a cabinet right now. ... Can you hold on for a minute?
Me: Yeah, sure.
wait about five minutes
Tech: Ok, got the manuals, just had to find a screwdriver big enough. What way the problem again?

Invualable:

lmgtfy.com

AB

My company's help desk is most commonly referred to as the anti-help desk. Nothing ever gets done while you are on the phone. Instead there is a series of tickets that are assigned to the wrong department. You spend almost an hour on the phone for the initial ticket to unlock your voicemail. 3 days later you call the anti-help desk to follow-up on the ticket. After about 30 min of the CS agent searching for the ticket, the CS agent tells you that the ticket was assigned to application support instead of the telephony unit. He apologizes, ensures you that he will get it reassigned to the correct department and informs you that he will expedite it for quicker processessing. Two days later you haven't heard from the telephony unit so you call the anti-help desk back to follow-up. The new CS agent informs you the last CS agent assigned it to network services. The new CS agent apologizes and reassigns the ticket to the proper group. She too informs you that she will expedite it. Another day passes. So once again you call the anti-help desk for another 45min call. The next CS agent informs you that the ticket was completed and your phone was unlocked but since you haven't attempted to login, the 24hour temporary password (that you never received) has now expired and you will need a new ticket. My voicemail has been locked for about 2 months now.

packina45 wrote:

jimlongley wrote:My favorite is when they haven't really helped you with anything at all, and they ask "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Which draws my reply, "Since you haven't helped with anything yet, how do you define "else"?" They get real confused on that, except the ones who obviously fail to help a lot, who have ready canned answers.

I'm on the other side of the spectrum, I do product tech support for a major gun and outdoors dealer.

First of all, "Is there anything else I can help you with" is code for "Get off my phone, you idiot, you're killing my average call time with your inane questions".

My number one UNSPOKEN line to customers is "here, let me Google that for you".

. . .

Been on the other side of that fence too, Technical Support Engineer for about 11 years depending on how you count them. I was "Tier II" support, after the help desk couldn't fix the problem by walking them through a script, it got escalated to me.

We were "owners" of tickets from the cradle to the grave, and we were also "fly and fix" meaning if I couldn't walk them through a fix on the phone, or if I couldn't find a tech to visit them, it was up to me to pack up and go.

I was 7am to 4pm, covering am drive time while the night tour went home and the day tour came in (actually the night tour usually worked from home, we all had extensions of our office phones and computer lines at home) and I tried to avoid answering the phone before 7am on the dot, because I had learned my lesson. I was also a "team lead" with about 5 people "under" me who were supposed to take the calls and then escalate to me as a step up from tier II. So this one day I have gotten in at about 6:30 and heated a bun to go with the espresso I brought from home, and I see the screen light up with a call from Denver. Not being particularly busy I figured I would do the night guy a favor and take the call.

Denver will NOT unscrew the back of the equipment and plug in the cable that we know is causing the problem, they have a service contract and they want an immediate dispatch, So I check all of the techs west of the Mississippi and every one of them is tasked and too far from Denver to just drop in and fix the problem. So I pack up my stuff, call my boss and let him know what's going on, call travel and ask them to get me the first plane smoking out of Dallas for Denver, swing by my house and pick up my "go bag" and head for DFW. I arrive at DFW just in time (obviously pre-9-11) to make a flight for Denver, nap a little on the plane, land in Denver, pick up a rental car and drive into downtown where I demonstrate my confidence in my abilities to myself by parking in a one hour spot.

I go inside, discuss my MOP with the manager of the central office, plug in my laptop and some test equipment to monitor what is happening and the result, and take out the 24 screws in the back of the Alcatel switch where the problem is. I look in, spot cables 16a, confirm that it is loose, take a digital photo of it, reach in and plug it in, walk over to the laptop and other equipment and confirm that the problem has disappeared, confirm same with Pacific Bell, button up the switch (with a small piece of duct tape holding the plug in) and go out and get in my car with a good ten minutes to spare on the meter.

On the way back to Stapleton I call company travel and ask them to get me back to Dallas that day, and they do. A little over nine hours door to door, from Dallas to Denver and back, all to just plug in a cable. But they did have a service contract. The problem was a known issue with a defective fiber optic connector that would shear off its locking lug under minimal pressure, and we had a temporary fix, duct tape, and eventually replaced every one of those [abbreviated profanity deleted] cables.

troglodyte wrote:I always seem to have the one issue that derails their script. It's happened too many times.

Latest one is my HP printer will not stay connected to my HP CPU wirelessly. It will work for a day or two then it will not make the jump.
BUT, now I know how to fix it myself so I can keep patching it until we have a real solution.

We'll see if Marie has the fix on the 28th.

Static IP addresses?

It will work for a day or two then it will not make the jump.


Lease expires? 0

The other side.

Had a user come by my office (instead of calling our 800 help desk). I usually arrived early (6:30.a.m.) to have time to myself. Our team (3 of us) covered 36 floors of a building in downtown Houston.

The user needed help with connecting to a printer. I told him he would have to call the Help Desk and told him they could help him or put in a ticket. Didn’t want him to think he could bypass the system.

He called my supervisor, so I had to go help the guy.

When I finished, I asked him:

Me: Have you ever eaten at Luby’s Cafeteria?
Him: Many many times.
Me: When you go there, what do you do once inside?
Him: I get in line.
Me: Do you go to the front of the line?
Him: Absolutely not!!
Me: So what makes you so special or more important than the other 17 tickets I already have?

There was no response.

My supervisor called me back later and asked “had I fixed him”. I said “OH YEAH, I fixed him”.

The user never came back to my door nor did I have any more contact with him.

Valk wrote:When I finished, I asked him:

Me: Have you ever eaten at Luby’s Cafeteria?
Him: Many many times.
Me: When you go there, what do you do once inside?
Him: I get in line.
Me: Do you go to the front of the line?
Him: Absolutely not!!
Me: So what makes you so special or more important than the other 17 tickets I already have?

There was no response.

My supervisor called me back later and asked “had I fixed him”. I said “OH YEAH, I fixed him”.

Mid-80's, was writing custom software. Had a woman call me and tell me about problems she was having with the data on her 5 1/4" diskette. I asked her to make a copy of the diskette and drop it in the mail to me.

I get the mail the next day and there is an envelope from her. It had a single sheet of paper where she had placed the diskette on the Xerox machine and made a photocopy of it.

True story.