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Stolen and re-posted from my FB....

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. :)

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

NICE

Doubt that it actually happened. If it did, odds are the judge wasn't laughing.

A buddy of mine was testifying in court when the lawyer asked him a really stupid question. My buddies response was some clever jab at the lawyer's intelligence (or maybe lawyers' intelligence in general). Anyway the gavel came down and the judge told the lawyer not to bother objecting. My buddy then got a lecture from the judge that they were not in a humorous setting, and that any further jabs would result in a contempt of court citation. Pretty much took the wind out of his sails.

I assumed it was just a joke, not an actual event. Seeing as Judges were lawyers before they were judges,, yes I assumed it did not really go down as typed..

E.Marquez wrote:I assumed it was just a joke, not an actual event. Seeing as Judges were lawyers before they were judges,, yes I assumed it did not really go down as typed..

(I just used it as an excuse to tell my story... )

sjfcontrol wrote:Doubt that it actually happened. If it did, odds are the judge wasn't laughing.

A buddy of mine was testifying in court when the lawyer asked him a really stupid question. My buddies response was some clever jab at the lawyer's intelligence (or maybe lawyers' intelligence in general). Anyway the gavel came down and the judge told the lawyer not to bother objecting. My buddy then got a lecture from the judge that they were not in a humorous setting, and that any further jabs would result in a contempt of court citation. Pretty much took the wind out of his sails.

The last judge I appeared in front of, at least 10-15 years ago, was a former Sheriff's Deputy and then prosecutor for Los Angeles County before becoming a Superior Court judge. He might have actually found it funny. He was also a friend of mine at the time, and we had to disclose the nature of our relationship to the rest of the court before the proceedings went on. None of the attorneys present objected.

Had a guy I worked with years ago named Luke that was driving his phone truck down to a remote town to repair a microwave system after a snow storm. He came upon a car off in the ditch. The highway patrol was there and the trooper had the road blocked as the wrecker was pulling the car out. Luke decided he was in a hurry and told the trooper (a friend of his) there was room for him to go around and go on. The trooper told him to just wait, but Luke decided he wasn't going to, told the trooper he was going and flipped the trooper the bird. As he tried to maneuver around, the trooper yanked the door open and made him get out. He then wrote him a ticket for disobeying a lawful order and careless driving.

Luke decided to fight it in court. Being that he had grown up in the rural community and had been the local 'phone guy' for 30 years, he knew everyone around there. When he went into court, as expected, he knew the Judge too as they were old high school buddies. When his case was called he stood up and went forward. As he proceeded he called out to the Judge 'Hi "Fuzzy"!' (the Judge's nickname in High School.) The Judge looked at him, slammed his gavel down and said 'Guilty as charged! Pay your fines and court costs and get out of my court room before I throw your butt in jail!!' Needless to say Luke was a great electronic tech, but was not the brightest bulb in the string when it came to being politically correct or keeping his mouth shut.

Keith B wrote:Had a guy I worked with years ago named Luke that was driving his phone truck down to a remote town to repair a microwave system after a snow storm. He came upon a car off in the ditch. The highway patrol was there and the trooper had the road blocked as the wrecker was pulling the car out. Luke decided he was in a hurry and told the trooper (a friend of his) there was room for him to go around and go on. The trooper told him to just wait, but Luke decided he wasn't going to, told the trooper he was going and flipped the trooper the bird. As he tried to maneuver around, the trooper yanked the door open and made him get out. He then wrote him a ticket for disobeying a lawful order and careless driving.

Luke decided to fight it in court. Being that he had grown up in the rural community and had been the local 'phone guy' for 30 years, he knew everyone around there. When he went into court, as expected, he knew the Judge too as they were old high school buddies. When his case was called he stood up and went forward. As he proceeded he called out to the Judge 'Hi "Fuzzy"!' (the Judge's nickname in High School.) The Judge looked at him, slammed his gavel down and said 'Guilty as charged! Pay your fines and court costs and get out of my court room before I throw your butt in jail!!' Needless to say Luke was a great electronic tech, but was not the brightest bulb in the string when it came to being politically correct or keeping his mouth shut.

fuzzy wuzzy was a judge.

sjfcontrol wrote: fuzzy wuzzy was a judge.

fuzzy wuzzy held a grudge

Ameer wrote:

sjfcontrol wrote: fuzzy wuzzy was a judge.

fuzzy wuzzy held a grudge

fuzzy wuzzy wasn't friendly was he?

Be willing to bet these aren't the first lawyer jokes Mr. Cotton has ever heard . . .

Some of the most vicious lawyer jokes I have ever heard were told to me by lawyers.