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A friend of mine who is a retired LEO posted this on Facebook. He was a 2 year veteran of the force when I joined the department 30+ years ago. I figured the active and retired LEO's could relate, and the rest of the members could get a laugh out of it.

1. The proper way to use a night stick is hard and sneaky.
2. Chiefs of Police have no sense of humor.
3. Your gun is not a magic wand, or a microphone. It is only good for making loud noises and creating paperwork.
4. If your patrol car is airborne you are making a mistake.
5. Be polite. Say sir and ma'am. It doesn't make anyone bullet proof and it lets you get close enough to use your night stick.
6. Apparently Jesus lives in the county jail.
7. Never make plans. It just confuses the Sargent .
8. If you have to explain something to a Lieutenant he is not going to get it, and no matter how funny it is he is not going to see the humor.
9. If a woman flirts with you she is guilty...you are not that sexy.
10. Slapping some jerk with a shotgun is fun but the paperwork and Federal Court is problematic....

Keith B wrote: 6. Apparently Jesus lives in the county jail..

LOL..!

Although this one escaped me...

I got a good chuckle out of 4 & 9, in particular.

Keith B wrote:2. Chiefs of Police have no sense of humor.

I dunno about this one. I'm pretty good friends (he's married to an old highschool friend of mine) with the Chief in Johnstown, CO and he is absolutely hilarious. Why, the stories I could tell you about stuff that he did on our 20th High School Reunion Cruise...... Well, lets just say that if word got out to his officers, I'd never be able to set foot in CO again.

RottenApple wrote:

Keith B wrote:2. Chiefs of Police have no sense of humor.

I dunno about this one. I'm pretty good friends (he's married to an old highschool friend of mine) with the Chief in Johnstown, CO and he is absolutely hilarious. Why, the stories I could tell you about stuff that he did on our 20th High School Reunion Cruise...... Well, lets just say that if word got out to his officers, I'd never be able to set foot in CO again.

What's funny about this one is I think he is referring to my Brother-In-Law.

Keith B wrote: 6. Apparently Jesus lives in the county jail..

Not true. He lives in the ER, and shows up every time you show someone a hypodermic needle.

The Annoyed Man wrote:

Keith B wrote: 6. Apparently Jesus lives in the county jail..

Not true. He lives in the ER, and shows up every time you show someone a hypodermic needle.

TxLobo wrote:Jesus may live in the county jail, and I saw lots of inmates that "found" him...

Thanks.. Too much schnitzel for dinner has addled my mind..

Very funny. Particularly nos. 1, 4, 5 and 9.

Day shift Lieutenants definitely don't get the joke that was hysteically funny on the (recorded) radio at 4am after you and your buddies went back in service from lunch.


I know because I got in a "that's what she said" at a really opportune time and got called on it...

gigag04 wrote:Day shift Lieutenants definitely don't get the joke that was hysteically funny on the (recorded) radio at 4am after you and your buddies went back in service from lunch.


I know because I got in a "that's what she said" at a really opportune time and got called on it...

If you don't get called in every once in a while, you're probably no longer having any fun at all.

Keith B wrote: 6. Apparently Jesus lives in the county jail.

Well, actually, He does live there, and he commanded us to visit Him there.

Anygunanywhere

Excaliber wrote:

gigag04 wrote:Day shift Lieutenants definitely don't get the joke that was hysteically funny on the (recorded) radio at 4am after you and your buddies went back in service from lunch.


I know because I got in a "that's what she said" at a really opportune time and got called on it...

If you don't get called in every once in a while, you're probably no longer having any fun at all.

And probably not working very hard either.

Thanks, Keith, they are pretty good. Remembering that I started in law enforcement in the 70's just as federal grants were ramping up the college programs in law enforcement, I was taught a slightly different version of number 1. I was taught it as "Police Science is best applied at the end of a night stick."