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uthornsfan wrote:Necropost!

Nice work TAM ;)

That's weird..... someone must have deleted a post. I only responded because it showed up in my "Active Threads" list. Bizarre......

Pawpaw wrote:I believe education and familiarity are key. You might try gently (very, very gently) suggesting that she go to the range with you, just the two of you. This will give you the opportunity to teach her just as you have taught your step son. Of course, you would be teaching her all of the safety rules and the reasons beind each one. On the next trip, she could accompany you and your step son to observe how he has taken the rules to heart.

rotor wrote:This is a psychiatric problem. The best advice I would give is to seek some kind of professional help. Psychiatrist, psychologist, etc. I know that many are critical of physicians on this forum but this is a medical issue for your wife. Apparently she becomes frantic about this. Seek professional help.

Actually, both of you are right. The problem is not just her fear and codependent manipulations, it is the codependent behavior she will instill in her son as he begins to narrow his own options in life by whether or not they frighten his mother, rather than whether or not they are good choices for him. He'll begin living to satisfy a standard he can never attain.....the totally risk-free man who keeps his mother from fearing. Can't be done, but it WILL screw him up.

It sounds to me like she needs to get herself into a 12 step recovery program or something similar for people who are trying to recover from life's various traumas. As an 8 year participant now, I highly recommend Celebrate Recovery, which is a Christ-centered, faith-based 12 step program. We have people who come for reasons of substance abuse addiction, sexual addictions, divorce recovery, anxiety, grief, codependency, eating disorders/addictions, depression, and so on. When I first joined CR, I was trying to recover from the suicide of my close friend and employer, and the fallout that was having on my life. That fallout included pent up anger, and control-freak issues. But those were just symptoms. CR helped me to get to the bottom of what was causing those symptoms, and to find serenity in life. It also was a big part in my maturation as a Christian. It may not be for your wife, but she'll never know if she doesn't try it out......and they won't care if she's a believer right now or not.

My 2¢. YMMV.