Need help with wife

[CrimsonSoul]

Ok so I'm married and have 3 kids (all under 5). I have been shooting guns my whole life just about but my wife is terrified to even hold one. All this goes back to when she was a teenager and a guy pulled a gun on her and did... terrible things... anyway... any suggestions on how to help her over her fear?

[megs]

I grew up with guns but I really didn't think about carrying until this year. I don't recommend it for your wife but there's nothing like having a stalker to motivate her to carry.

[CrimsonSoul]

So... hire a stalker hmm..... gotcha!

(yes, that was a joke)

On a serious note, I don't care if she decided she wanted to carry or not, I'd just want her to know how to use it if something ever happened while I was a work so she could defend herself

[seamusTX]

Find a women-only shoot in your area. The women who run these things know how to handle these issues.

There are several in the Houston and DFW areas. I don't know about the rest of the state.

- Jim

[CrimsonSoul]

Find a women-only shoot in your area. The women who run these things know how to handle these issues.

There are several in the Houston and DFW areas. I don't know about the rest of the state.

- Jim

I'm near the houston area, in Brazoria county, I'll have to check that out, thanks

[ELB]

Dunno -- this sounds a little deeper than just your usual "guns are icky" attitude that a lotta folks seem to have absorbed from their environment at school,in the media, movies, etc... Sounds like she has a very specific, genuine fear that is triggered by something present at the original event -- namely the gun. Long before I was married I had a lady friend who was similarly not fond of knives -- she had been kidnapped and brutalized, including being cut with knives, when she was a teenager. Twenty years later there were still some triggers that would have panic climbing back out of whatever box she had stuffed it into.

Not sure what to offer other than go very slow, be very patient, and don't try to force progress, even a little bit. Working with other women may help, if she is willing, and especially if one of them has has a similar horrific experience. It is hard to tamp down a basic fear like that with intellectual logic. I think once a fear is learned at the "root level," the part that bypasses your cerebral brain, it is very hard to unlearn.

Also, I don't know what her attitude about that event is now, but be very careful about letting others know of her experience -- this is a very private, horrendous event for her, while I do think that talking out things often does reduce the fear, it's not something that should be done lightly.

Good luck, and best wishes to your wife.

[seamusTX]

In northeastern Brazoria County, PSC is your best bet: http://www.psc-range.com/Ladies_Flyer_1_1_09.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

- Jim

[quidni]

From one lady to another:

The Cornered Cat

[CompVest]

PM sent

[flintknapper]

Dunno -- this sounds a little deeper than just your usual "guns are icky" attitude that a lotta folks seem to have absorbed from their environment at school,in the media, movies, etc... Sounds like she has a very specific, genuine fear that is triggered by something present at the original event -- namely the gun. Long before I was married I had a lady friend who was similarly not fond of knives -- she had been kidnapped and brutalized, including being cut with knives, when she was a teenager. Twenty years later there were still some triggers that would have panic climbing back out of whatever box she had stuffed it into.

Not sure what to offer other than go very slow, be very patient, and don't try to force progress, even a little bit. Working with other women may help, if she is willing, and especially if one of them has has a similar horrific experience. It is hard to tamp down a basic fear like that with intellectual logic. I think once a fear is learned at the "root level," the part that bypasses your cerebral brain, it is very hard to unlearn.

Also, I don't know what her attitude about that event is now, but be very careful about letting others know of her experience -- this is a very private, horrendous event for her, while I do think that talking out things often does reduce the fear, it's not something that should be done lightly.

Good luck, and best wishes to your wife.

Words of wisdom...if ever I have read any.

[LarryH]

another recommendation for Ladies' Day at PSC.

my wife has learned much, AND IT'S FUN (all caps at her urging).

if you want to know what turned her from not wanting guns in the house at all to an avid shooter, PM me with your email address and I'll pass it on to her.

[Venus Pax]

I also recommend that she shoot with other ladies; however, she may not be willing to make that step yet considering her experience. A counselor that isn't anti-self-defense or anti-gun may help.

Some crime victims have found that learning to use a weapon and becoming proficient with it has assisted in their healing. Part of the trauma associated with violent crime is the loss of power; learning to defend oneself gets that power back in her hands.

I noticed CompVest sent you a PM. Read it.

[randomoutburst]

I wrote a blog entry about my own uneasiness around guns (and how I figured out that guns aren't so bad). Here's the link: http://passthepickles.wordpress.com/200 ... -a-critic/.
Now, because she associated guns with something terrifying at a young age, she needs to be the one to decide it's worth learning how to use one. Forcing it on her would probably do more harm than good. That doesn't mean you can't suggest, coax, and plead, but I don't recommend any of that either. ;)
My moment of realization came when I thought someone was in my apartment and I looked at my husband's shotgun next to the bed...and knew I had no idea how to use it. It was the most helpless, horrifying moment I think I've ever had. It turned out that I was imagining things so I wasn't in any real danger, but it sure lit a fire under my butt and encouraged me to at least know how to use a gun even if I didn't like them. But you know what? I ended up loving them.
I hope things work out for you and your wife.
I know I'm unearthing a pretty dead thread, but I was curious as to how the wife feels about guns now. Update?

[Oldgringo]

I wrote a blog entry about my own uneasiness around guns (and how I figured out that guns aren't so bad). Here's the link: http://passthepickles.wordpress.com/200 ... -a-critic/.
Now, because she associated guns with something terrifying at a young age, she needs to be the one to decide it's worth learning how to use one. Forcing it on her would probably do more harm than good. That doesn't mean you can't suggest, coax, and plead, but I don't recommend any of that either. ;)
My moment of realization came when I thought someone was in my apartment and I looked at my husband's shotgun next to the bed...and knew I had no idea how to use it. It was the most helpless, horrifying moment I think I've ever had. It turned out that I was imagining things so I wasn't in any real danger, but it sure lit a fire under my butt and encouraged me to at least know how to use a gun even if I didn't like them. But you know what? I ended up loving them.
I hope things work out for you and your wife.
I know I'm unearthing a pretty dead thread, but I was curious as to how the wife feels about guns now. Update?

What a refreshing epiphany. Thanks for sharing.

[randomoutburst]

What a refreshing epiphany. Thanks for sharing.

You might also find this little occurrence of mine to be humorous...posted in the Never Again section in these forums.
http://www.texasshooting.com/TexasCHL_F ... 26&t=28410