Happy 70th Birthday! - Chuck Norris

[davidtx]

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

And if you don't believe it - trying googling "where is Chuck Norris"

[TexDotCom]

Giving credit to my brother for this one..."Cocoa Puffs are cuckoo for Chuck Norris."

[pbwalker]

Chuck Norris would be 70 today if time wasn't afraid of him...

[cougartex]

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

[marksiwel]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live

[pdubyoo]

The Many Emotions Of Chuck Norris

[A-R]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. (actually saw that one on a T-shirt last night)

Ninjas can walk on water; Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

And most appropriate for a gun forum ...

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because it implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing

[MojoTexas]

Here's some more good ones...

• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
• If you spell "Chuck Norris" in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
• There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
• When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
• The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.

MojoTexas

[USA1]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Now that's tough.