Joke a friend passed on - how to live to a ripe, old age

[Hoi Polloi]

A tough, old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 110.

He left four children,
twenty grandchildren,
thirty great-grandchildren,
and a fifty-foot hole
where the crematorium used to be!

[mctowalot]

[WildBill]

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

[skub]

When I die, I want to go quietly, in my sleep, like my Grandpa,

Not screaming and yelling like the people in the car with him.

[cougartex]

[RPB]

This is funny, but also true

When my dad reached his 80s, after his third car wreck and bad vision, I started driving him on any long trips we took (he was going 30 mph on the freeway in Houston )

Anyway, one trip to the Panhandle, I WAS DRIVING and I took a fairly sharp curve in my little Toyota a little faster than he would have (he drove 30 mph on freeways!!!)

He said "SON, YOU'RE SCARING ME!!!"

I replied "Yeah, those are scary curves, so just do what I do"

He said "What's that?"


I said "Close your eyes"

[NOS]

[hoot]

A guy walks into a bar and sits next to man wearing interesting attire.

He asks what's with the outfit.

The guy says it is his work clothes.

What's with the hat?

It is called a 10 gallon hat. It protests me from both the sun and rain.

What's with the leather things on our legs?

They are called chaps and they protect me if I have to corral a cow
through heavy brush.

What's with the Nikes?

That's so you don't mistake me for a truck driver.