Insight Help

[ES4Me]

I am looking for a little insight into male thinking to try to help a friend of mine. She desperately wants her own gun, her CHL, and to take a couple of firearms related courses - but her husband is adamantly opposed to it. Every time she comes up with a solution, he comes up with another problem.

WHY would a man not want his wife who frequently is on the road alone late at night, frequently in isolated parking lots along late at night, etc. to not be able to protect herself? She has already been kidnapped and almost raped once. Yet - he will not budge on his stand and wants her to continue to rely on 911 for help. His way of thinking just doesn't make any sense to us.

SO thankful I have a hubby who encourages me no matter what I choose to pursue.....

[Divided Attention]

Might be he is afraid, maybe not of her, but of her knowing something he doesn't? Some men are not comfortable being in that situation.

JMPO

[ddstuder]

Maybe he is doing something that he is afraid she might shoot him over!

Makes no sense!

[Purplehood]

I am looking for a little insight into male thinking to try to help a friend of mine. She desperately wants her own gun, her CHL, and to take a couple of firearms related courses - but her husband is adamantly opposed to it. Every time she comes up with a solution, he comes up with another problem.

WHY would a man not want his wife who frequently is on the road alone late at night, frequently in isolated parking lots along late at night, etc. to not be able to protect herself? She has already been kidnapped and almost raped once. Yet - he will not budge on his stand and wants her to continue to rely on 911 for help. His way of thinking just doesn't make any sense to us.

SO thankful I have a hubby who encourages me no matter what I choose to pursue.....

I apologize in advance, but I have absolutely no inkling how a man could be that way. Therefore I could not even begin to offer any solution on how to handle him.

I am afraid that if I had a spouse that shot down and discouraged my own efforts at securing my own safety, I would have to lay down the law and advise that spouse that I am moving forward with or without their support. Please bear in mind that I am twice divorced and get paid zero for my marriage advice.

[The Annoyed Man]

WHY would a man not want his wife who frequently is on the road alone late at night, frequently in isolated parking lots along late at night, etc. to not be able to protect herself? She has already been kidnapped and almost raped once.

Why? Because he's an idiot.... Because he is one of those creeps who loves his ideology more than he loves his wife..... Because his one of those morons who thinks that a woman lying raped and dead, strangled with her own pantyhose in an alley somewhere, is somehow more noble than a rapist dead with two rounds in the chest and a third between the eyes.

I don't understand it at all either. That's no kind of man.

I had the other problem. I had to talk my wife into getting her CHL and carrying a firearm - which she does every day now, and won't leave home without it.

[seamusTX]

Insufficient information.

What is the guy's background? Was he raised by pantywaists? Was he shot at some point in his life? Was one of his relatives or friends shot? Is he a dedicated anti-gunner or just ignorant and fearful?

Probably he does not want his wife doing something that he is afraid of or opposes philosophically.

Also, like most people, he probably thinks that bad things won't happen if he doesn't think about them—even after bad things already have happened.

In any case, she is an adult and free to do what she wants. He can't stop her, especially if she has a weapon and he doesn't.

- Jim

[The Annoyed Man]

In any case, she is an adult and free to do what she wants. He can't stop her, especially if she has a weapon and he doesn't.

- Jim

Yep. If she's over 21, she can buy whatever she wants.... ...and she should. Then let's see if he thinks it is worth putting his marriage at risk over his wife's insistence on being able to defend herself.

[Sidro]

To not allow his wife to be able to protect herself is sheer stupidity. He would not fit in the post from AndyC what is a man. Then again there may be a little of Garth Brooks song(The Thunder Rolls) here.

[ES4Me]

Insufficient information.

What is the guy's background? Was he raised by pantywaists? Was he shot at some point in his life? Was one of his relatives or friends shot? Is he a dedicated anti-gunner or just ignorant and fearful?

In any case, she is an adult and free to do what she wants. He can't stop her, especially if she has a weapon and he doesn't.

- Jim

Man was raised in a South Texas ranching family. Has multiple guns of his own, hunts, fishes, etc. Not the type of guy one would think wouldn't want his wife to own her own gun and know how to use it. I told her perhaps he was afraid she would shoot him.

My friend will go ahead and do whatever she wants, but this man can make her life a living heck if she does something he doesn't like. They have been married over 20 years and I guess maybe there is some history there I don't know about. Personally, there's no way I would put up with a man like this. Makes me SO grateful for the man I married 26 years ago.....

[Abraham]

Perhaps she could have a mutually acceptable, friendly LEO speak with him.

This person could help point out the pro's of her being able to defend herself with a firearm. He (the LEO) could also address the con's the husband objects to and how they can be overcome with training.

The LEO could point how she is at risk, how she can take training courses on safety with a gun in the home, on her person, etc.

If the husband really cares this approach may work.

[Kythas]

Man was raised in a South Texas ranching family. Has multiple guns of his own, hunts, fishes, etc. Not the type of guy one would think wouldn't want his wife to own her own gun and know how to use it. I told her perhaps he was afraid she would shoot him.

My friend will go ahead and do whatever she wants, but this man can make her life a living heck if she does something he doesn't like. They have been married over 20 years and I guess maybe there is some history there I don't know about. Personally, there's no way I would put up with a man like this. Makes me SO grateful for the man I married 26 years ago.....

Sounds like he's a hypocrite, then. Obviously, owning a gun "is good enough for me, but not for thee".

To me, this smacks of a control freak. He has to be in control of her, to the point of not allowing her the means to defend herself. If she owned a gun, he would lose a portion of that control.

[Warhammer]

Sounds like a cowardly, small man who would rather keep his wife subjugated than have her be able to stand on her own hind legs and protect herself. I suspect that this particular issue is a symptom of much deeper and longer running issues in their relationship. There is only one reason to fear a person who can defend him/herself.

[hangfour]

It's not about the gun or the CHL. Marriage problems like the one your friend is having are never about the 'current issue'. the CHL matter is only a symptom of deeper issues that she needs to find some way to bring up. Once those are fixed the CHL and carrying will not be at issue.

[flintknapper]

Man was raised in a South Texas ranching family. Has multiple guns of his own, hunts, fishes, etc. Not the type of guy one would think wouldn't want his wife to own her own gun and know how to use it. I told her perhaps he was afraid she would shoot him.

My friend will go ahead and do whatever she wants, but this man can make her life a living heck if she does something he doesn't like. They have been married over 20 years and I guess maybe there is some history there I don't know about. Personally, there's no way I would put up with a man like this. Makes me SO grateful for the man I married 26 years ago.....

Sounds like he's a hypocrite, then. Obviously, owning a gun "is good enough for me, but not for thee".

To me, this smacks of a control freak. He has to be in control of her, to the point of not allowing her the means to defend herself. If she owned a gun, he would lose a portion of that control.

We have a winner!

[VMI77]

Insufficient information.

What is the guy's background? Was he raised by pantywaists? Was he shot at some point in his life? Was one of his relatives or friends shot? Is he a dedicated anti-gunner or just ignorant and fearful?

In any case, she is an adult and free to do what she wants. He can't stop her, especially if she has a weapon and he doesn't.

- Jim

Man was raised in a South Texas ranching family. Has multiple guns of his own, hunts, fishes, etc. Not the type of guy one would think wouldn't want his wife to own her own gun and know how to use it. I told her perhaps he was afraid she would shoot him.

My friend will go ahead and do whatever she wants, but this man can make her life a living heck if she does something he doesn't like. They have been married over 20 years and I guess maybe there is some history there I don't know about. Personally, there's no way I would put up with a man like this. Makes me SO grateful for the man I married 26 years ago.....

While I'm inclined to agree with TAM and Seamus, I can think of some other possible reasons. Your description here suggests he is very controlling. Maybe he feels threatened by having a wife who is capable of defending herself, and is therefore, to some degree at least, independent. I think this usually stems from the man's own feelings of inadequacy, along the lines of: if she can take care of herself, why does she need me? Keeping a wife dependent is a way for some men to feel powerful, necessary, and in control.

More charitably, maybe he is genuinely concerned about her ability to use a gun for self-defense. Maybe he is afraid that it is more likely she will use it inappropriately, or in a way that gets her into trouble, than she will use it in a legitimate act of self-defense. Even so, this could be looked at as another means of fostering dependency and maintaining control, albeit perhaps, with somewhat less selfish motives. But like Seamus says, I don't think we really know enough about the people involved to draw any well founded conclusions.

My response is merely an attempt at analysis and shouldn't be construed as endorsing or sympathizing with his behavior.