Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically-Challenged

[terryg]

Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have a masochistic complex, please press "0" for the operator. There are 200 calls ahead of you.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

[jimlongley]

And if you are just a plain mean parent:

"You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is dead."

[Hoi Polloi]

[Venus Pax]

And if you are just a plain mean parent:

"You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is dead."

Reminds me of one of my cousins. He used to oil his shot gun in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve and tell me he was going to shoot anyone that came down that chimney.

[WildBill]

And if you are just a plain mean parent:

"You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is dead."

Reminds me of one of my cousins. He used to oil his shotgun in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve and tell me he was going to shoot anyone that came down that chimney.

That must be your cousin Scrooge?

[Bart]

Shopaholic: Hark, the herald angels sing. Glory to my new-bought bling!