/SATIRE FOLLOWS/
Our First Amendment right to free speech permits communications for both good and for bad purposes. Due to the recent increases in the latter, reasonable restrictions to control abuse and prevent harm are necessary. Accordingly, those that distribute communications, such as newspapers, television networks and their stations, social media networks, and Internet web sites, etc., must apply to the Department of Homeland Security for a Federal Communications License (FCL).
Journalists, reporters, and all others who want to communicate through any communications media must complete a simple six page Communications Transaction Record (DHS Form 4473) at a FCL holder and answer a few simple questions prior to each communication:
1. Are you the actual communicator of the communication enclosed with this form?
2. Are you under indictment for a felony or have you ever been convicted of a felony?
3. Are you a fugitive from justice?
4. Are you an unlawful user of or addicted to any controlled substance?
5. Have you ever been adjudicated mentally defective?
6. Are you subject to a court restraining order?
7. Have you under indictment or have you ever been convicted of domestic violence?
8. Have you ever renounced your United States citizenship?
9. Are you illegally in the United States?
The National Instant Communications Background Check System (NICS) will determine eligibility of the applicant to complete the communication.
/END SATIRE/
