Rules for dating my daughter

[AustinBoy]

Amen to the the mother in law. I was thoroughl vetted.

I taught my Brother in laws step son how to shake hands. He had the wimpy hand shake.

Last time I saw him he said " Thanks! Shaking hands the way you taught me really makes a difference! I think they treat me different."

Proud.

AB

[tbrown]

I'm past having kids now, but my son always says that if he has a daughter, when her dates pick her up, he'll be cleaning a 1911 on the coffee table, in his boxer shorts, and he'll tell the guy, "I've got no problem going back to the Big House. Now what time did you say my daughter would be home?"

I said this last time and it still sounds like a plan designed to run off the decent guys and encourage the punks who think a criminal record is cool. If that's who he wants dating his daughter, I wish him the best of luck with that.

[packa45]

I tended to mess with the "crazy dad" of my ex when she was 19.First date I picked her up the standard way. Ring the doorbell introduce myself and wait I the downstairs living room while she finished getting ready. He questioned me about my intentions etc... All while cleaning his Remington 870 on the coffee table with a dirty shovel by the back door. I noticed that the trigger group was super dirty and asked if he had ever cleaned it. He didn't know how to take it out so I showed him and continued by tearing it completely apart and left it I the table and took his daughter out that night. A couple days later he called me and invited me over... The trigger group was still sitting on the table in pieces when I got there. After I put it back together we had a beer (yes I was of age). We dated for about 2 years until we broke up.

[strider67]

There are some hilarious replies in here!

My daughter started second grade this year and my wife tells me I am already starting to exhibit traits of being "over-protective"...I tell her nonsense, I've been over-protective her whole life!

[The Annoyed Man]

I'm past having kids now, but my son always says that if he has a daughter, when her dates pick her up, he'll be cleaning a 1911 on the coffee table, in his boxer shorts, and he'll tell the guy, "I've got no problem going back to the Big House. Now what time did you say my daughter would be home?"

A girl's father tried a line like that on me once so I played along. By third period on Monday morning, stories about Laura's father's criminal record were flying fast and furious by text messages and whispers in the hallways.

That's pretty funny. It's also the last time you'd be dating my daughter.....since I would know who I told that to.

You know, here's the thing.... all this talk of being "crazy dad" is mostly just that—TALK. We love our kids, and we want to protect them to the extent of our ability to do so. But we also have to balance it with wisdom, discernment, good humor, an appropriate amount of "do NOT make my daughter cry," and respect and trust.

Another thing....there's a reason we joke about defaulting into "crazy dad" mode: it's because we used to be teenaged boys, and we know what was on our minds back then.....or at least, for most of us that's true. We have a natural inclination to want to protect our daughters from that kind of stuff, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. As a general thing, my own son was raised such that any behavior which was not acceptable under our roof was not acceptable when he was out and about either. But you know, once they're off and out from under your immediate control, you can't account for how they are going to behave. All you can do is try to raise them right, and then trust that they will act the way you raised them when they're out of your sight.

The flip side of that:

I'm past having kids now, but my son always says that if he has a daughter, when her dates pick her up, he'll be cleaning a 1911 on the coffee table, in his boxer shorts, and he'll tell the guy, "I've got no problem going back to the Big House. Now what time did you say my daughter would be home?"

I said this last time and it still sounds like a plan designed to run off the decent guys and encourage the punks who think a criminal record is cool. If that's who he wants dating his daughter, I wish him the best of luck with that.

tbrown, how many kids have you raised, and are any of them daughters? Just wondering.

[puma guy]

I have three daughters and was reminded at our middle daughters wedding, by one of the groomsmen who once took her out on a date, that I grilled him extensively and made him produce a driver's license. I remembered and we had a good laugh. I 'd never met him and he was a senior and my daugher was two years behind him, so I was suspicious. He told me if he ever had daughter's he'd probably do the same. I found out at her wedding that her new husband had feared me the entire time they dated and I asked him why. It came about after I heard his tires squeal as he rounded the corner on their first date. The next time he came by to pick her up I told him if he ever did that again he wouldn't be dating my daughter and he'd never know when I might show up. He's a great guy and adores his 4-1/2 and 3 year old daughters and it's going to be interesting when they start dating.

[Jim Beaux]

The Annoyed Man wrote:I'm past having kids now, but my son always says that if he has a daughter, when her dates pick her up, he'll be cleaning a 1911 on the coffee table, in his boxer shorts, and he'll tell the guy, "I've got no problem going back to the Big House. Now what time did you say my daughter would be home?"

This is well worth a few chuckles. One cant discount the value of a well developed sense of humor when it comes to "guiding" our darlings. While reading the above I pictured the dad being an unshaven, tangled eye, Jack Elam wearing a wife beater undershirt & black socks and boxers.

Boy: Well sir what time would you prefer me to bring your daughter home?
Jack: (hard stare) 8:00 PM sharp.
Boy: Uh sir....if you dont mind me saying, but it's now 7:55....Jack: (growling) cheap date. Be happy about the money you just saved...

[WildBill]

Don't forget the mother's rules for dating their daughters.

[A long time ago], a male friend of mine complained when he wanted to date a certain woman, her mother wanted to see a copy of his SAT scores, GPA, college transcript, bank statements and stock portfolio.

[RHenriksen]

Love the story about helping Dad clean the trigger group on his shotgun!

Seriously, though... I read these kinds of threads on different forums. One that's populated mostly by twenty-something motorcycle guys offered a very different perspective on the subject.

The girls who had overly protective 'crazy dads' were the ones MOST likely to be ready to rebel and do crazy things. I remember one of the guys says that one of those girls he'd dated would be climbing over the center console of the car towards him immediately after he'd turned the corner from her house (I will refrain from further details here, but you get the idea).

I think of child raising like throwing a baseball. You only get to influence the flight of the ball during the first three feet or so, while it's still in your hand. Once it leaves your hand, its trajectory is determined by your original input, plus wind/gravity/???. Your opportunity to raise a daughter with a backbone, self respect, good judgment, etc is really from 0-early teens. When she's out on her date(s), the baseball has left your hand. Lay the groundwork early, raising her to have confidence in herself, your loving support, etc and you'll have far less to worry about from boys.

Now, this is not to say that I didn't have a little fun tweaking the boys my niece dated from time to time...

Disclaimer: I do not have daughters of my own. I did help raise my niece & nephew in my home for a good many years, though.

[recaffeination]

Many people who support gun control do it because they think they can't be trusted to behave responsibly with firearms. They are probably right. Where they are wrong is projecting that character trait and assuming that nobody is responsible.

It looks like there's something similar going on here.

[Jim Beaux]

Many people who support gun control do it because they think they can't be trusted to behave responsibly with firearms. They are probably right. Where they are wrong is projecting that character trait and assuming that nobody is responsible.

It looks like there's something similar going on here.

Absent of facts, it is easy to assume that you too may be guilty of projection.

[tacticool]

The girls who had overly protective 'crazy dads' were the ones MOST likely to be ready to rebel and do crazy things. I remember one of the guys says that one of those girls he'd dated would be climbing over the center console of the car towards him immediately after he'd turned the corner from her house (I will refrain from further details here, but you get the idea).

Parents who trusted their daughters' judgement generally had daughters whose judgement could be trusted. I don't know if one causes the other, or the direction of the causation, but it was a reliable rule of thumb in high school and college.