You have two cows...

[sjfcontrol]

(Never seen it taken quite this far before...)

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

[G26ster]

If you posted, "I only have two cows" on the forum:

Reply #1 would be, " Do you have a ranch?"
Reply #2 would be, "Why does it have to be a ranch?
Reply #3 would be, " Zoning laws?"
Reply #4 would be, "I have a small ranch down near Big Bend..."
Reply #5 would be, " Hey, me and my buddies rode our bikes down there last year. Pretty country and..."
Reply #6 would be, "What bike do you have, as I...."
Reply #7 would be,"I was on my bike the other day, and got pulled over and...."
Reply #8 would be, "Were you disarmed by the officer?"
Reply #9 would be, "Constitutionally, the officer cannot...."
Reply #10 would be, "The current political climate in the country when it comes to the Constitution is...."
Reply #10 would be, "Yeah, the antis have distorted the Constitution so badly that..."
Reply #11 would be, "And that's why we can't find any ammo on the shelves either because..."
Reply #12 would be, "Well I managed to score....."
Reply #13 would be, "I'm not letting the gougers...."
Reply #14 would be, "The latest tactic by the gov't when it comes to our rights is..."
Reply #347 (by the OP), "I still only have two cows."

Sorry, just bored this afternoon.

[RottenApple]

If you posted, "I only have two cows" on the forum:

Reply #1 would be, " Do you have a ranch?"
Reply #2 would be, "Why does it have to be a ranch?
Reply #3 would be, " Zoning laws?"
Reply #4 would be, "I have a small ranch down near Big Bend..."
Reply #5 would be, " Hey, me and my buddies rode our bikes down there last year. Pretty country and..."
Reply #6 would be, "What bike do you have, as I...."
Reply #7 would be,"I was on my bike the other day, and got pulled over and...."
Reply #8 would be, "Were you disarmed by the officer?"
Reply #9 would be, "Constitutionally, the officer cannot...."
Reply #10 would be, "The current political climate in the country when it comes to the Constitution is...."
Reply #10 would be, "Yeah, the antis have distorted the Constitution so badly that..."
Reply #11 would be, "And that's why we can't find any ammo on the shelves either because..."
Reply #12 would be, "Well I managed to score....."
Reply #13 would be, "I'm not letting the gougers...."
Reply #14 would be, "The latest tactic by the gov't when it comes to our rights is..."
Reply #347 (by the OP), "I still only have two cows."

Sorry, just bored this afternoon.

[psijac]

I would watch the Adventures of Cowkimona

[Abraham]

Some people own just a few cattle for the tax advantage...

I know a guy who had something like 3 to 6 or so head of cattle (it's been years and I've since forgotten the exact number, but it was miniscule) and for this reason actually had the gall to have baseball caps with his "ranch's name and brand" pasted on the front of them.

What a sense of humor...or would have been, but he was serious about his ahem, "ranch and brand".

[Topbuilder]

Some people own just a few cattle for the tax advantage...

I know a guy who had something like 3 to 6 or so head of cattle (it's been years and I've since forgotten the exact number, but it was miniscule) and for this reason actually had the gall to have baseball caps with his "ranch's name and brand" pasted on the front of them.

What a sense of humor...or would have been, but he was serious about his ahem, "ranch and brand".

Most counties have requirements to qualify for ag exempt status. Where I am at it is 8 cows, 1 bull and 5 years history and record keeping of selling calves, buying feed ect. Minimum 20 acres.

[RPB]

Tucows?
I used to download there
http://tucowsinc.com/aboutus/history.php?hp=A" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;


I thought I had 2 cows, but 1 was a black cow, the other was just a slo-poke
After a 25-Year Hiatus, Black Cow® Candy is Back

“Originally, Black Cow® was a Slo Poke® caramel dipped into a compound chocolate,”

http://www.prweb.com/releases/CandyDotC ... 103724.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[JALLEN]

This is America. You can be whatever you want.

For years I was a member of the Texas Longhorn Breeders Association, wore the cap and t-shirt, even though I have never owned a whole live cow, and had only two sons, that I know of.

[tbrown]

I know a guy who had something like 3 to 6 or so head of cattle (it's been years and I've since forgotten the exact number, but it was miniscule) and for this reason actually had the gall to have baseball caps with his "ranch's name and brand" pasted on the front of them.

What a sense of humor...or would have been, but he was serious about his ahem, "ranch and brand".

[canvasbck]

Are the two cows named "Black" and "Gus"?

I still when I watch this old video.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=1QTD7yF-L_E[/youtube]

[psijac]

I would get some milk cows if I had the property. I don't like all these tax shelters but i guess nothing is black and white when you are farming Holstiens

[K.Mooneyham]

Sorry, but only one didn't make me laugh, so I rewrote it.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION
You have no cows.
You tell everyone you have a lot of cows and they are killer cows.
The cattleman's association become afraid of your cows endangering the local herds.
So they invade your country to put down the killer cows.
No one can find the cows, your country is hosed, and everyone calls the cattleman's association crazy and evil.

[talltex]

This is America. You can be whatever you want.

For years I was a member of the Texas Longhorn Breeders Association, wore the cap and t-shirt, even though I have never owned a whole live cow, and had only two sons, that I know of.

Soooo....that's where the phrase: "he's all hat and no cattle", originated, huh?

[Abraham]

As a kid, I worked on a variety of ranches and dairy farms, but never wore anything but work clothes doing so.

What I found particularly odd (and still do...) were those who'd wear the entire western get-up, but have never been off their suburban streets. Or, even know the difference between a bridle and reins. You know the type. They wear the big western hat, snap button shirts, buck stitched belt with a massive buckle, wrangler jeans and pointy-ointy boots.

We called em Rexall Wranglers...

I always thought if I was going to wear a costume, I'd prefer a pirate outfit.

A parrot on one shoulder, a black eye patch, a fake peg-leg, a red bandanna over me noggin and I'd greet everyone with a hearty "Avast their matey! or Shiver me timbers".

Hey, if you're gonna dress like a fake from last century, why not be a pirate?

[Syntyr]

They wear the big western hat, snap button shirts, buck stitched belt with a massive buckle, wrangler jeans and pointy-ointy boots.

The only thing pointy toe boots is good for is gettin the roaches in the corners!