To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown

[atxgun]

http://savannah.craigslist.org/rnr/982078099.html

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex

Of course with a craigslist posting like this who knows if it's true or not. But if so, bragging about the crimes he committed doesn't seem to be the best idea in the world.

[Ace_Inthe_O]

I doubt this is true but its very funny none the less.
And really the mugger got what he deserved and no one was hurt so it was a good outcome.

[HankB]

I'm a skeptic . . .these days, the victim would probably be in more legal hot water than the mugger.

But it's a "feel-good" story . . . the kind that a part of you probably wishes were true, even if it isn't.

[Stupid]

Technically, didn't the gun just commit multiple felonies?

[atxgun]

Technically, didn't the gun just commit multiple felonies?

Yes, and the gun will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

[flb_78]

Technically, didn't the gun just commit multiple felonies?

Yes, and the gun will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Damn evil gun!!!

[bdickens]

I'm sure it isn't true, but funny nonetheless.

[Ace_Inthe_O]

So lets say this was real would he then be committing armed robbery when he took the muggers wallet? And then would the mugger be justified in using deadly force?

[flb_78]

So lets say this was real would he then be committing armed robbery when he took the muggers wallet? And then would the mugger be justified in using deadly force?

That's a tough one since it was he who initially started the confrontation....

I guess this falls into the same category with someone stealing your dope.

[Ace_Inthe_O]

Ha ha I will keep that in mind the next time someone steals my dope.

[atxgun]

So lets say this was real would he then be committing armed robbery when he took the muggers wallet? And then would the mugger be justified in using deadly force?

That's a tough one since it was he who initially started the confrontation....

I guess this falls into the same category with someone stealing your dope.

Justification for deadly force is null and void if you initiate a conflict. However there some provisions even if that is the case

(4) if the actor provoked the other's use or attempted use of
unlawful force, unless:
(A) the actor abandons the encounter, or clearly communicates
to the other his intent to do so reasonably believing he cannot safely
abandon the encounter; and
(B) the other nevertheless continues or attempts to use
unlawful force against the ador; or

In this scenario though I see no provision for being robbed and consequently being justified in robbing the other person.

Edit: Well on second thought, he was using the threat of deadly force to stop a threat. Perhaps it could be argued that removing a means of communication to the muggers cronies was necessary in diffusing the threat? IANAL.

[dadoo]

I guess this falls into the same category with someone stealing your dope.

You can't steal my dope. I sent him to college!

Except for the "armed robbery" part, you really hope this was true. I was empaneled for a jury in Dallas where the 'alleged' perp tried to rob a CHL holder. The kid indicated he had a gun in his belt, whereupon the "victim" actually produced his gun and held the kid for the cops. Soon as the defending atty found out I was a gun owner I was excused from the jury so I don't know how it ended up, but the kid was a three time loser who could go away for life.

[Abraham]

The story doesn't make me feel good.

Stop the robber?

Work at making him go to jail?

Absolutely!

Pull all that other stuff and you're as loathsome as the robber.

[casingpoint]

When dirty britches are outlawed, only outlaws will have dirty britches?

[dihappy]

Fake