Do you tell your kids?

[anomie]

I figured I'd ask and get some thoughts since my wife and I were discussing it a little bit.

The other day my 11-year-old ran up to give me a hug and he felt it and asked "Dad, is that your gun?". I sort of redirected the conversation because my wife and I have been talking about it I didn't want to jump right in to a conversation on it right that second.

My boys know I have guns, they know I keep them locked up, and we've definitely talked about gun safety, what to do if they find one, what to do if they're at someone else's house and they find one, they can tell me the rules of gun safety, I've shown them how to clear a firearm, they know if they want to go shooting or are curious or whatever to just ask me and we'll talk about it.

What I don't want to happen is the above 'My kid decides to run up and give me a hug and happens to bump his arm on it and says something' out in public - and I don't want to avoid giving my kids hugs or or anything like that just because we're out in public.

I think it's better to just tell 'em straight out, here's your dad's license, I may or may not be carrying (I will always be carrying, but I don't think they necessarily need to know or worry about that, and I think a big speech any time we all went out together would be overboard), but if I am, your dad is legal and it's not a big deal. Don't tell anybody your dad has a license, and if you happen to feel it, don't say anything, because it's not their business, that's why it's concealed. We've decided to do that but thinking about it there's no reason to make that call without asking people who've been there, done that.

I wanted to get people's thoughts on it, did you tell your kids, if so, what did you tell your kids, etc.

[chuck j]

My daughter was 11 when I started carrying . She had already been shooting a good while both handguns and rifle so me having a handgun with me didn't bother her at all .We had to come up with a few safety rules for the new situation but nothing drastic . I would think that some training and strict rules would be in order if the child was inexperienced as far as being around guns and should be taught to be safe regarding them depending on your particular situation and routine . Just my thoughts

[anomie]

(nod)

He wasn't actually afraid or anything - no indication he was bothered by it, it was just a question. Oddly, he's interested in guns but not interested in them - we'll go to a bookstore and he'll pick out a book on planes or tanks or small arms and the like, he's got a collection going, but he hasn't really displayed any interest in my firearms (although he knows that if he wants to he can just come let me know, we've talked about that, he never actually has).

I'm more worried about someone's reaction to hearing him say something like that out in public than I am by his asking something like that, to be honest.

[chasfm11]

I figured I'd ask and get some thoughts since my wife and I were discussing it a little bit.

The other day my 11-year-old ran up to give me a hug and he felt it and asked "Dad, is that your gun?". I sort of redirected the conversation because my wife and I have been talking about it I didn't want to jump right in to a conversation on it right that second.

My boys know I have guns, they know I keep them locked up, and we've definitely talked about gun safety, what to do if they find one, what to do if they're at someone else's house and they find one, they can tell me the rules of gun safety, I've shown them how to clear a firearm, they know if they want to go shooting or are curious or whatever to just ask me and we'll talk about it.

What I don't want to happen is the above 'My kid decides to run up and give me a hug and happens to bump his arm on it and says something' out in public - and I don't want to avoid giving my kids hugs or or anything like that just because we're out in public.

I think it's better to just tell 'em straight out, here's your dad's license, I may or may not be carrying (I will always be carrying, but I don't think they necessarily need to know or worry about that, and I think a big speech any time we all went out together would be overboard), but if I am, your dad is legal and it's not a big deal. Don't tell anybody your dad has a license, and if you happen to feel it, don't say anything, because it's not their business, that's why it's concealed. We've decided to do that but thinking about it there's no reason to make that call without asking people who've been there, done that.

I wanted to get people's thoughts on it, did you tell your kids, if so, what did you tell your kids, etc.

I would suggest that part of the problem will not just be with your kids. There are often others, church members, friends, etc. who exchange hugs. Sometimes I have to make a small shift to avoid the hug going to the wrong place. Once you get used to that, it isn't all that difficult. We all control how others enter our personal space, consciously or unconsciously. Since I carry in several different positions (3 o'clock in an IWB, under my left arm in a Kangaroo or in my right front pants pocket), I have to adjust to the contact in different ways. I don't avoid hugging at all no matter when I'm carrying.

I think your approach with your kids is correct. Teaching them about gun safety is the right thing to do. But like some other "adult" subjects, sometimes they don't need to know everything that is going on, just enough for where they are and what they are doing. I've taken our granddaughter (9yo) shooting and talked carefully about gun safety. She never knows that I'm carrying and but she does know that we don't talk about guns outside of our house unless it is very special occasion.

[chuck j]

I would not wait to explain safety and would expect rules to be obeyed but that's just me .

[anomie]

I would not wait to explain safety and expect rules to be obeyed but that's just me .

True, and I haven't. We've had those conversations, they know what the safety rules are, they know what to do if they find one, whether in our house or anyone else's. They know not to talk about the fact that I own firearms to anyone that's not me or their mom.

I say that not just because I've told them, but because I'll sometimes just ask them to check.

What I haven't talked to them about (yet) is specifically around that I'm getting a CHL and I will be carrying.

[Abraham]

There's an old Seinfeld episode where Jerry reveals his discomfort with hugging non-family.

The tenants in his building all seem to need to hug upon seeing each. When they start to hug Jerry, he puts up his stop hand. The neighbors are offended he doesn't constantly want to hug everyone upon every meeting. I'm with Jerry - enough with the hugging, unless you're family.

When I was a kid, (yeah, yeah, when dinosaurs roamed the earth) non-family didn't constantly have hug-a-thons with other non-family. Doing so has become fashionable and frankly something I don't care for.

If ya have to be touchy feely, what's wrong with a hand shake?

To keep it on point, yes, my daughter knows I carry.

Now, get off my lawn!

[RogueUSMC]

Those around you on a regular basis (be it family, coworkers, etc.) need to know their role if (God forbid) you have to use your gun.

I tell my wife and daughter that I have my gun on at all times that it is legal to. If something were to happen, I don't want my wife saying, "do you have your gun?" If the BG hears that, it may not turn out as well as it could. Likewise, they know to prone themselves out if they cannot move laterally away from me as I will be making myself a target when I introduce my gun. Making myself a target will be something that I will do to reduce the fact that their movement will make them targets.

Those around you on a daily basis need to know what is expected of them were a situation like that arise. When the situation arises is not the optimal time to have to explain it to them.

[RJGold]

My wife and daughter know I carry. They also know not to ask me (especially not in public). They also know that if I want someone else to know I'm carrying, I'll tell them. It's not their place to inform anyone.

As an aside, my wife and daughter are both proficient with my weapons and could use them if needed. Neither one of them chooses to carry.

[anomie]

Those around you on a daily basis need to know what is expected of them were a situation like that arise. When the situation arises is not the optimal time to have to explain it to them.

I don't know about co-workers (I don't know what the majority of my co-worker's position on carrying is, and I don't want to find out by one of them getting HR to update the policy - right now it's a general 'no violence' policy that says nothing specifically about firearms or concealed carry).

This is a very good point re. family members, though, that I hadn't been specifically thinking about. (I have thought about it in regard to general home defense but it just hadn't clicked yet for carrying). Thanks!

[SewTexas]

In my kids minds Daddy has pretty much always carried and Mom has for a long time. We have always been open about it with them. Now, both of our kids are fairly grown up about some things, they've had to be, and they learned fairly early on that there are things we simply don't talk about outside of our house. Then as they grew up they learned that if we spoke about a topic first they could join in. Later they learned they could talk bring up topics they had heard us discussing with adults we had discussed certain topics with. Each step came as they learned stages of privacy, "quiteness" some of this was helped by the fact that we homeschooled, we didn't have to worry about some teacher finding out about anything.

[C-dub]

I got my license before my daughter turned 1y and I have carried openly around the house ever since. We even have some pictures my wife took of both of us sleeping on the couch with my daughter on my chest asleep and my holstered gun can be seen on my hip. She's 11y now and it is completely normal to her. She's often mentioned how she wishes I didn't have to cover it up to go anywhere. I openly carried everywhere we went for two days visiting my parents up in Kansas and she didn't even notice the first day until I asked her what she thought about it.

What I tell her for here is that it is no one's business that I carry a gun and she is not to say anything about it in public. When she was too young to explain the legality of having it exposed in public she was just told not to say anything about it or touch it in public. A few years ago, we started talking about why. One day I was out running errands my wife took her to IHop for breakast and was asking her how she did in her first IDPA match she did with me and she kind of went and told her that they shouldn't talk about that in public like that.

She's starting to understand some of the subtleties about when it is okay and not okay to talk about it because of the company.

[Wodathunkit]

Perspective from my 6 yr old in January when I got my CHL:

Family discussion, how will we be able to tell if you have your gun?

Dad - if I'm doing it right you won't know.

6 yr old - then I'll just ask you.

Dad - and I'll say its none of your business

6 yr old - then I'll know it means yes.

I have a 6, 9, & 11 year old. I take hugs when I can get them. After a couple of days they didn't even care/interested anymore and after 6 months they don't know me (or momma) not having a gun.

[chuck j]

In my opinion all children should be familar with guns and learn the proper safety associated with them . Most of the older crowd grew up with guns in the house , they were everywhere you looked . Guns were not considered bad or evil they were common , I do not even remember when I started learning about guns , they were always just there . People look at it diffrent now .
My daughter can field strip every pistol we shoot , she is 14 years old . Work with them and teach them .

[Cjwglock19]

My kids, ages 16,13, and 7 know, but probably only my son is aware all the time. My wife and son are both proficient with my weapon, my oldest daughter has hyper-acusis ( very sensitive hearing so she is too afraid of the noise to learn to shoot, my 7 year old daughter is just waiting to get a little older). We do have a plan should something ever happen. My wife knows to stay opposite my strong side and if my little one ever hold my hand she holds the left, and it has become "habit" enough that on the rare occasion I'm not carrying she changes sides out of habit.