Forgiving. WWYD?

[RoyGBiv]

When I started this thread the other day, I was struggling with forgiving someone (actually two someones) and reading that story (see OP) stopped me in my tracks. I quickly got over my emotional logjam and resolved my issues expeditiously. Funny how easily we can get caught up in our own lives and how reading stories like that put life back in the proper perspective.

The thread took off in a slightly different (but not completely unexpected) direction, but I've enjoyed and been inspired by your responses.
Thanks Mods for letting it run for a while.

Thank you.

[SewTexas]

sometimes you have to forgive just to move on....I think it was Billy Graham who said "talk to an empty chair, if you will never see the person again, just forgive them"

while my Father-in-law was in the hospital after his stroke we learned my sister-in-law hates me....she's holding something against me, she said at one point she forgave me, but that lasted about an hour. I apologized, for whatever it was, begged for forgiveness, anything I could think of...didn't work, many in their family use to hold grudges, sad thing is she use to laugh about it. I think at some level she blamed me for the stroke...didn't know I was all powerful, did you? Through-out that month she was mean and vicious, in front of the nurses, who knew how much I loved him. I have worked hard and prayed hard to forgive her for what she did during that time, and still does, she is a sad bitter woman, I have reached the point I really just feel sorry for her....I don't have the energy to be angry at her anymore. Sad part of it, she's lost her relationship with her niece and nephew, our kids; her mother doesn't really care if she comes on the weekends or not because then we have to stay away; and her relationship with her brother, my husband, is strained.

[VoiceofReason]

It really doesn’t matter if a victim forgives the perpetrator or not. It would go a long way in the healing of both parties, but in the end, there is only one whose forgiveness really matters.

[The Annoyed Man]

A couple years ago the wife of a guy I went to high school with was killed when a teenage driver pulled out in front of her at an intersection. The teenage girl was not drinking or even texting (seems like texting is more taboo these days than drinking) when the collision occurred.
While the DA was pondering charges, the husband and daughter begged that mercy be granted to the young girl. To the best of my understanding, that mercy was granted. But the husband and daughter did not stop there. Through several court proceedings they realized the emotional trauma the young lady was going through (probably because they were experiencing it also). They felt that if they didn't do something that not one, but two lives would be lost.
To make a long story short, the grieving family took this young girl and by extension the rest of her family under their wing and treated them all as part of their own family.
I won't pretend to sit here and say that I would do the same thing. But, I will say that I hope that I would. I can't think of a better example of emulating Christ than the above.

A couple of years ago, we had a guest pastor preach at our church. I can no longer remember his name, but here is what made him notable: some time before he came to visit us, one of his sons, whom I believe was an adopted son, had murdered the entire rest of his family....consisting of the pastor's wife and two other sons. The motive was simple drug fueled craziness. I don't remember if the murdering son was on death row or not, but he was definitely in prison for the remainder of his life. The father visited us to preach about forgiveness. He has forgiven his surviving son.

http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/ ... veness.htm is a good source of quotes about forgiveness. These three quotes stand out for me:

Not long before she died in 1988, in a moment of surprising candor in television, Marghanita Laski, one of our best-known secular humanists and novelists, said, "What I envy most about you Christians is your forgiveness; I have nobody to forgive me."
~~John Stott in The Contemporary Christian.

——{SNIP}——

In his book. Lee: The Last Years, Charles Bracelen Flood reports that after the Civil War, Robert E. Lee visited a Kentucky lady who took him to the remains of a grand old tree in front of her house. There she bitterly cried that its limbs and trunk had been destroyed by Federal artillery fire. She looked to Lee for a word condemning the North or at least sympathizing with her loss. After a brief silence, Lee said, "Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it." It is better to forgive the injustices of the past than to allow them to remain, let bitterness take root and poison the rest of our life.
~~Michael Williams.

——{SNIP}——

Bruce Goodrich was being initiated into the cadet corps at Texas A & M University. One night, Bruce was forced to run until he dropped -- but he never got up. Bruce Goodrich died before he even entered college.

A short time after the tragedy, Bruce's father wrote this letter to the administration, faculty, student body, and the corps of cadets: "I would like to take this opportunity to express the appreciation of my family for the great outpouring of concern and sympathy from Texas A & M University and the college community over the loss of our son Bruce. We were deeply touched by the tribute paid to him in the battalion. We were particularly pleased to note that his Christian witness did not go unnoticed during his brief time on campus."

Mr. Goodrich went on: "I hope it will be some comfort to know that we harbor no ill will in the matter. We know our God makes no mistakes. Bruce had an appointment with his Lord and is now secure in his celestial home. When the question is asked, 'Why did this happen?' perhaps one answer will be, 'So that many will consider where they will spend eternity.'"
~~Our Daily Bread, March 22, 1994.

The way I see it, people do not forgive because they won't, not because they can't.

[The Annoyed Man]

One more: http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/a/anger.htm

Of the 7 deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.

Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking Transformed by Thorns, p. 117.